The Greatest Words Ever Spoken

I know what you are thinking. The greatest words ever spoken would have to be your wife saying, "You're right, honey. I was really wrong. I'm sorry." But no, these words cannot compare with the words I'm talking about. The Greatest Words Ever Spoken, by Steven K. Scott, is a compilation of the words of Jesus. If I had to sell you my favorite words He ever said, it would have to be the words He spoke in John 8:36. My love for that verse inspired THIS.

I like the way the book is set up. Having categories to look Jesus' words up by is quite helpful. I know, I can pick up the Bible and find everything He ever said there, but sometimes it's nice to have someone take away a lot of the leg work. If you love Jesus, forward this blog post on to 10 of your friends to prove you're not ashamed of Him, AND buy the book HERE.

Official Description:
"For the first time in 2,000 years, everything Jesus said about You, Your Life, and Everything Else.
Have you wished you could ask Jesus any question and get His immediate help with the biggest problems you face?
Now you can own Every Word of Jesus, organized into practical, easy-to-find topics. As you immerse yourself in
His words, your life and relationships will be transformed and your faith and spiritual passion will be renewed.

Let the Greatest Words Ever Spoken bring vision, power, and joy into your life - one statement at a time."

yes, Virginia, there really is a Santa Claus

I guess some parents should be more careful where they hide their holiday costumes. I would hate to see the Easter Bunny costume.

the animals that killed Christmas

Everyone's always blaming the Grinch for stealing Christmas. It's an easy accusation to make, cause he's repugnant. He's so ugly. And yet, there are other perpetrators of Christmascide that go unpunished. They do not carry the sickly assocations that Mr. Grinch is left to carry on his own. Why? Because some Christmas killers are cute, furry, gentle creatures. See the pictures above. They look innocent enough, but they have killed Christmas. The fat one, on the left, persists on climbing our fake Christmas tree. It was cute last year, when he weighed 3 pounds, but that husky beast is 12 pounds at least, and the branches cannot take it. The bottom branches now all point to the ground. He has bent the metal arms. Shame on Mojo. The chewer, pictured at the right, has taken it upon herself to make our tree a non-working pre-lit Christmas tree. Before she got her paws - and teeth - on our tree, it would light up on its own. That is very handy, and it saves us time in decorating. No more, says Jaysian. She took it upon herself to chew the plug off the wire. At least she was smart enough to unplug it before executing her plan.

The Grinch is innocent. Leave him be. The real shame is on the cute, cuddly little animals...who have killed the Selph family Christmas this year.

Soccer Ball to the Face

Defense is the most heralded part of sports, or so they say on ESPN. They like to tell you that the best offense is a good defense, defense wins championships, good defense is fundamental...and yet most of their highlights are of offensive juggernauts that can't (or won't) play defense to save their lives. The kid in this video obviously places value on defense, though. Shoot, I wouldn't get back up and do it all over again if I took the shot to the face he took. Here's to you, Dave, since you're the biggest soccer fan I know...and since you're living in Brasil. Feliz Natal.

sick days

I used to really look forward to sick days. I guess being sick used to be better than the alternative. When I was a full time student and working full time, I loved getting sick and staying home. Usually I'd try to balance it out. I'd miss work one day and school the next. It was perfect. I remember looking forward to getting sick at my last job, too. Too much to do. Of course, I secretly hoped that someone would pick up slack while I was out sick, but that never happened. Sick days can be great, depending on the severity of the situation. Here's how I spend sick days:

• lots of sleep
• movie watching (interlaced with sleep)
• eat something really bad for me (it's my mom's fault. really, it is.)
• day time television (for napping purposes)
• and drug induced video making (see below)
  

So how do you spend your sick days?

hey ya

So I failed to mention Charlie Brown in my Christmas movie to-do list, but my wife reminded me. Some time ago, I bought Sarah a holiday pack, which included 6 movies covering Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas. Their classic! My favorite scene from any Charlie Brown movie is the dance scene in "Merry Christmas, Charlie Brown." Those kids have sweet dance moves, and so does Snoopy. I'm not exactly sure what the kid in the back is doing, but the rest are pretty solid dancers. I guess they got sick of that same old song, though, cause they're dropping it like it's hot to a new tune. Hope you enjoy it. Merry Christmas.

what's all the fuss about?

Santa Claus is the topic of many Christian discussions. My parents were taught that they shouldn't tell me Santa was real. After all, if I one day found out he wasn't, I would stop believing in Jesus. I get asked a lot now, as a children's pastor, if I will let my kids believe in Santa Claus. I think I will, but I don't have kids right now, and things change when you do (so I hear). I'll even let Cole believe in Santa for another year. But I really don't know what all the trouble is with this Santa fellow? He is a Christian, isn't he? Some of you think he's the devil, but I have video evidence to the contrary. Santa is not just a normal Christian, he's a Jesus Freak...

Tis the Season

I'll admit it: I love Christmas music. Some of my friends have shown disgust towards Christmas music, but I think they listen to the wrong stuff. I started to hate Christmas music when I worked at American Eagle. Come to find out, there are better songs than you hear in the mall. Hmm. Anyway, not only do I love Christmas music, but tis the season for watching Christmas movies, too. Did you know that Die Hard is a Christmas movie? It makes it to the Christmas section each year in your local Blockbuster. I guess having Christmas in it makes it about Christmas, even if it really has little to nothing to do with the plot. And so, here is a run down of the Christmas movies I MUST see before the season is over:

• Polar Express - based in GR at the beginning and end
• Elf
• Home Alone 1 and 2 - these are classics for someone my age
• A Christmas Story - TBS will give me a 24 hour window to get it in, and I probably will at least twice in that time
• The Nightmare Before Christmas - I've never seen this one, but it's on my Christmas to-do list this year

Anything else I should watch? What do you watch?

hijacked by the wife:)

everyone struggles with something. a bad habit, a way of life, an addiction... we all unfortunately have a vice that becomes an open door for the devil. something that tests us and should strengthen our faith and reliance on our Savior. well, i have a few said vices. they bring me down and ruin my attitude and blind me to how blessed i am. satan's favorite is my occasional bipolar Christianity.
this past weekend at new hope, we watched a video of depravity in a country not as blessed as we are here. there, they are not struggling with such petty things as not being able to afford blinging out Christmas for family. they struggle with losing as many as 3,900 children/DAY to unclean drinking water. a little thing that we take for granted. watching the joy the children had just in having clean drinking water broke my heart. this life is all they've known. drinking from a clean well was like Christmas morning to them. they don't know much about Jesus, but they know that He gave them people to bring them gold. this is how Christ shows His face to fourth world countries. by meeting their needs and showing them miracles through His faithful missionaries.
sometimes i forget how good God has been to me. how He's saved me. how He rescues me from depression when that idiot, satan, tries to drag me back in. how He's given me a husband who loves me, takes care of me like no one else could, and patiently waits for me to fully appreciate life. how He's brought me up from paralysis and spared me from an injury that could have been much worse. how He shows me His face every day even though i turn mine from Him.
so what do i have to do to cure my bipolar disorder? i have to become more like job. i have to really work on my relationship with Christ so when the devil tries to sneak in a dance, i can tell him that i'm taken.

job 1:8 | then the LORD said to satan, "have you considered my servant job? there is no one on earth like him; he is blameless and upright, a man who fears God and shuns evil."

not out of the woods yet

Did you know that a rattlesnake does not immediately die when you cut off its head? That would have been a hot tip when I lived in Florida. My landlord showed me where his ax was, just in case I saw a rattlesnake. He said to cut off its head, put the snake in a bag, and let him know. He would dispose of it. I was scared enough due to the 8-foot long snake skin hanging next to the ax. Seeing the fear in my eye, he let me know that it was for the sake of the kids. We couldn't have a rattler on the loose with all those kids playing in the field. He got me there. But what if I had killed one by cutting its head off and tried to put it in a bag? He didn't tell me that it would stay alive for a while. That would have sucked. I would have reached down to throw it away, thinking I was safe and SNAP! It could still kill me. What the heck?



"And so it is with sin..." to quote an old TI sermon (or probably several old TI sermons). Just when you think you have conquered the beast, it can get you. You think you have everything under control. All clear. You're safe. SNAP! Brings you right back down, doesn't it? I guess we're never quite as safe as we think.

just let go

You probably didn't know this, but having three cats can be overwhelming. It doesn't help that they are all boys, all a little stupid, and all very messy. Cleaning up after the cats has always been Sarah's thing. Well, not always. When she was in her wheelchair, I took care of it. We didn't want her falling out of her chair and landing face first in the litter box. So a few weeks ago, Sarah had had enough. She no longer wanted cats, cause they were too messy and too much work. I told her that I could take over upkeep, so we could keep them. She said that was fine. The only problem is that she continues to clean out the cat box. She was upset again this week, cause it was too much for her. I told her that I had offered to take that burden from her, but she wouldn't let go. She kept doing it anyway.

Sound familiar? Ever have a problem overwhelming you, so you cried out to God...only to not let go of the situation and let Him handle it? I think that sounds very much like me.

In other news, if you want a cat, I'm very willing to part with two of the three. I'm still working on the third. He's mine, and therefore, he is awesome.

And one more side note. Happy birthday, Matthew. Today is his 15th birfday.

an inspirational Christmas moment

I was at the store the other day, and I did not want to be there. I was in a really pissy mood. I finally picked up everything I needed, and headed to the cash register. Lucky for me, there were only a couple open, so I got to wait in line. I was behind this kid who was there alone. Since I was already in a bad mood, I was extra annoyed that this kid was out by himself. Where was his mother? Finally it was his turn to be checked out, so at least my standing there was almost over. He only had one item to buy. I only had 4, so even this slow cashier could get the two of us out of there pretty quickly. Well, that's what I thought anyway. The kid pulls out a couple of crumbled bills, and then starts in with the change. Are you kidding me? He must have busted into his piggy bank and brought as many pennies as possible. The cashier got through counting it all, and the kid was short a little. She told him as much, and he started crying. You can ask my wife and she will verify that I hate crying. It's not a compassionate hatred, either. It's an, "I'm so annoyed I will get you to do anything to stop crying." So I pulled out a few bucks and gave it to the cashier and told the kid to settle down, cause I covered it. He looked up at me, with tears in his eyes, and said...

"Thank you, sir, I've got to buy these shoes, for my mama, please. It's Christmas Eve, and these shoes are just her size..."

Okay, I'll be honest with you. That didn't happen at all. It's stolen material from the most annoying Christmas song ever. I hate Christmas Shoes. I will give FM Static credit for making it at least tolerable, but seriously, I lost a little respect for them just knowing that they did a version of it. I love Christmas music sans Christmas shoes. What Christmas song do you dread? What makes you change the channel to find respite when it comes on the radio?

my weekend at home

Here's the rundown on everything that happened going into this weekend and coming back:

• I told Sarah before we left to go to the Stinemetz' house that we would be going home. Her look was not one of joy. She began to think about the details she THOUGHT I might have missed. She smiled soon enough, though.
• Friday morning, I played football at the annual Turkey Bowl at HBC. The highlight of the day (at least for me) was when I lost my left shoe, my pants, and almost my boxers while I dragged a few players from the other team. I did not lose the football, which was the most important part. All that made me thirsty, so I drank a 2-liter of Cherry Coke by myselph.

• Friday afternoon, I met the newest member of the family. He's adorable, and he tells the best jokes. You should have heard them. His name is RJ Volz. Holding him was weird. I hadn't held a newborn since Nathaniel. He did not spit up on me, though, cause he loves his white Uncle Jeff.
• Friday night I went to Cousin's Tasty Chicken with my parents. I eat with them there every time I go home. I think I like the broasted chicken more than I like my parents...or maybe not. I'll get back to you.

• Saturday, we hung out with Shawn and Heather in the early afternoon, and then at Josh and Maureen's for dinner. Josh was hilarious. He made me tell a joke he brought up. I think he was afraid of crossing the line with his wife. Then again, he crossed the line more than once, and then he would start mumbling some compliments in an effort to redeem himself. Maureen wasn't falling for it, though.
• Saturday night, I decided out of nowhere to shave for the first time in a month. No shave November ended early. Much to my delight, I still only had one chin.

• Sunday we went back to Heritage for the first time in years. It was a little weird going back to a more traditional church now that I've been at New Hope, but it would be spurious of me to say I did not enjoy it. Oh yeah, Pastor used the term "spurious consecration." It was awesome.
• Sunday night we visited the Gathering. It was like a little piece of New Hope at Heritage. We both enjoyed it. The only sad thing was that everyone there was in our small group when they were in junior high. Now they're in college.
  
• Monday we tried to leave for home, but we got pummeled with snow. We didn't make it very far before we turned around and headed back to Aunt Sue's place.
  

This is the best time I've had at home in years. RJ probably has a little something to do with that. The last time I went home and met a new family member was four years ago when I met Elizabeth. I think the other thing was that we had time to relax, and we didn't to drive 24 hours to get there. It's been a while since we had quality time to spend while visiting home. The last few times have seemed like a whirlwind, and I was more tired and aggravated when I left then when I got there. Three more weeks and we'll get to do this all over again.

We will go rejoicing

Thanksgiving is upon us. Here's what I'm thinking about this week. This is what I'm thankful for.

• I am thankful that I am saved. I am glad that I am a sheave that has been brought in. See the great video below.
  
• I'm really happy to have my wife. She wrote me a kind note just this morning. She's awesome. I'm not allowed to say that she's smoking hot. She doesn't like that. So I won't.
  
• My family is pretty dang sweet.
• I have more friends than a guy needs. Seriously, more than enough. If we are friends, and you want a break, let me know. We can work that out.
• Understanding freedom in Christ is such a relief.
• I've grown a lot this year. Sadly, I haven't gotten any taller. I've just grown spiritually. God has broadened my understanding.
• AND, I'm glad I can give my wife a hard time, and she still loves me. And, in honor of her, I am posting this video:

So what are you thankful for?

R-E-S-P-E-C-T

We all wanna be loved. We all want just a little respect. We all wanna be loved. Tell me what's wrong with that. I suppose DC Talk is right. There is nothing wrong with that. It's okay to want to be loved and respected. The only problem I see is that we are more apt to desire respect and honor than we are to give it. I was praying this morning, and I was thinking about respect. I was thinking about wanting the leaders in my children's ministry to respect me. But then something hit me. Shouldn't we give the same level of respect to those above us that we expect and hope for from those below us? Jesus said the leader would be the servant. Maybe the best way to earn R-E-S-P-E-C-T is to give it people who deserve it in our lives. Now that's the tricky part, isn't it?

the Sticks

the sticks | recap from thesticks.tv on Vimeo.


What's the conference with yellow feet? The Sticks, the Sticks. What's the conference from 21 Jump Street? Not the Sticks, Not the Sticks. The Sticks. The Sticks. I can see how the Cheat's Theme Song doesn't work as well for talking about our conference. Oh well. I still like the song. So, about the Sticks...I'm not going to give you any spiritual nuggets I learned. That's not how my mind or blog works. Here's the stuff I took note of at the conference:

• We have some real freaks here at New Hope. Apparently, Sarah's not the only person I know that doesn't sleep. Kevin, Vicki, and Nicole don't sleep, either.
• Kevin West is a genius who likes invisibles and Johnny Rogers really is that funny.
• We had more people in ties at New Hope on Tuesday and Wednesday than any other time in church history.
• I need to exude more confidence. Hard to believe, isn't it?
• If your shirt has a design, and it's not off to one side, it's just not cool.
• Our worship guys really aren't that metrosexual at all. Good job, fellas.
• I can handle meeting famous pastors without stammering, sweaty handshakes, and shaking like my dog. I pretended I was as cool as them, and they downplayed how cool they really are.
• Macguyver's bomber coat is supreme, and his mullet really gleams.

There was so much more to see, hear, and learn. I am just too tired to give it to you. Go to Kevin's, Charles', or Tim Stevens' blog to read more details.

Happy Veteran's Day

I'm really proud of those that do or have served in our military, especially those in my family. My brother Steve and my father-in-law are the only immediate family members I have that have to honor on this day. This one's for you. You guys rock. Thank you, sincerely, to everyone else. I really hope God blesses you.




I will get to blogging on The Sticks later. This is more important today.

Me, Myselph, and I AM

Okay, maybe it's not spelled that way. It's really Me, Myself, and I AM, and IT is a book about your relationship with Jesus Christ. I've always been suspicious of books that tell you HOW to be closer to God, when the time you spent reading the book could have been used to accomplish just that. Christians are a funny sort, aren't we? This book is less directive and more introspective. Have you ever asked yourself, "How close am I to Jesus?" This book will help you assess that.

The pages are mostly blank, leaving room for you to answer questions about yourself right now, your childhood, your teen years, how you spend your day, what your faith means to you, what you think of Jesus, etc. I think most of the fun will come when I have answered all the questions and I go back and read my answers. I think I'll look at it again next year. Maybe I'll answer the questions each year to assess how I've grown. Who knows?

Because I do not like reading, but love to write (especially about myself:), this is the best book I've been asked to review. It's great to take a personal assessment of your spiritual life, and it's even better when someone provides you the questions. Go get the book. Click the link above or ask Leslie to stock it at Next Steps.

Are we doomed?

There are a lot of Christian Americans talking about some impending doom for our country. I guess I'll buy that, but I'm not so sure it's directly related to Barack Obama's election. Do I think our country is in trouble? Yeah, but we've been in trouble for a while.

God stopped being this country's leader a long time ago. I think that's when we got into trouble. Money is the god of this country. But what about abortion? Oh, yes, that is an egregious sin that is sure to be judged, but it is a symptom of the larger problem. Babies are essentially sacrificed to the god of money. And it should be noted that a lot of Christians that are in an uproar are screaming louder about the socialist views of Obama than his lack of respect for the sanctity of life. Everyone whose complaints I've read is VERY concerned about their money being spread around. I have no money, so I'm not as worried about it, but I do disagree with the socialism. The point is, though, that even a lot of Christians are upset for the wrong reasons.

Here's a great quote from my friend, Matt: "the reaction by many is sad...they say that their hope is in the risen King yet they show that their hope is in a fallen king." Yes, it is sad. God really is in control. It's not just a cool saying we throw around to hide our frustration. Like him or not, Barack Obama will be YOUR president and MY president, so please stop saying, "He's not MY president..." unless you're not American, in which case, proceed. Our job is to pray, not moan about it. And no, the way the other side has treated President Bush is not a justification for you doing the same to Obama. Be in it, not of it. God bless America.

I'm Jeff Selph, and I approve this message.

election day thoughts

I have not had much time to think about election day today. Frankly, I'm not sure I would spend much thought on it, anyway. I did my homework a long time ago, and I came to the conclusion that I really don't like either candidate. Sorry for those that do. I have had just a few moments open for thought on the days events, though, and here's what I've been thinking.

Why doesn't the President leaving office ever do really sweet pranks on January 19? If he does, how come we never get to hear about it? What's the worse that can happen to him if he does it? The Secret Service could even be in on it, sort of like a gentle hazing. This is a short list of pranks I think President Bush should pull on his successor the day before he leaves:

• Butter every tile floor in the White House.
  
• Stash some open cans of sardines in an air duct somewhere.
• Put vaseline on the receiver of every phone.
  
• Put a mannequin with all black on, including a black ski mask, in the closet of the master bedroom.

Why should a President stoop to such a low? Cause he's just a person, and people like to have fun. Do you have any suggestions for great Presidential pranks?

Jesus Rocks

How awesome is Jesus? Seriously, great stuff is always happening, and you know Who's behind it. Here's a quick run down of cool things I've been experiencing lately.

• Kids are getting saved in XK weekly lately. Go read about my little buddy Greg HERE.
• I learned how to make the links on my blog open in a new window automatically. Yeah, I praise God over small things like that. I guess I'm easy to please.
  
• Disciple's new CD is kicking my spiritual butt and melting my face. Pick it up at Next Steps Bookstore if you are around New Hope.
• Got to go to a kicking concert for FREE on Thursday. We wanted to go to it anyway, but decided we couldn't afford it. I guess God wanted us there anyway, maybe so we could see THIS.
• Friday was Wacky Day at C.E. Budd School. Two kids decided to dress up as me...well, as my made up superhero. I was honored.
• Still excited about Josh and Maureen's wedding. I look forward to hanging with them in December.
• Saw snowflakes falling for the first time in three years this week. Call me crazy, but I love snow.
• Sarah hasn't gotten tired of me yet. God still does miracles.
  

Is there anything cool happening in your life?

good people

My parents always monitored who I was hanging around when I was growing up. They knew what I did not know. The reason you are known by the company you keep is because you generally fall into doing things with the people you hang around that you may not do otherwise. It could be good things that your good friends draw you into, but more often than not, it's the stupid stuff you wouldn't do on your own that friends convince you will be fun. I know I never would have sneaked outside to shoot toys with a BB gun without the encouragement of my friends, but then I never would have taken that sweet ride in the back of a cop car back to my friend's house. So now I get it. Friends can make you do stupid things.

I'll make enough mistakes on my own. I don't need encouragement from anyone else to screw up, and I really don't need to take the blame for someone else's mistakes. If I keep company with other great, Godly people, I will be better for it. I think Jesus modeled this for us. Obviously, He didn't surround Himself with good people to keep Himself from messing up, but He wasn't noted for doing things to benefit Himself anyway. He was always doing things for us and modeling things that we could follow, cause He loves us. That's why He's in my inner circle. Actually, so is Josh. He was one of the ones that encouraged me to go outside with the BB gun. "It'll be okay," he said. Whatever. At least I didn't shoot my eye out.

Do you keep an inner circle? Are you better at picking one than Ulysses S. Grant or perhaps Kwame Kilpatrick?

something political

I am part of the vast right wing conspiracy. This comic was just my sort of thing. God bless America.

Do you believe in miracles?

This question was made famous by Al Michaels, as he counted down the end of the Miracle on Ice. The 1980 US Olympic hockey team overcame insurmountable odds as they defeated the Russian powerhouse team. A group of college kids defeated the most dominate assemblage of professional hockey players the world had seen at that time (obviously, there have been several Red Wings teams that could have outplayed them since then). Disney made a movie about the event, in which Kurt Russel played Coach Herb Brooks. His character reminded me an awful lot of Mr. Dave Polderman, father of Josh Polderman.

I had the honor of being the best man in Josh's wedding yesterday. The title phrase comes to mind. It's a miracle that boy got married. Well, maybe not, but since I've been married for the last 7 years waiting for him to join the club, it does seem strange. I almost laughed when they were pronounced, "Mr. and Mrs. Josh Polderman." It didn't seem right. Well, Sarah and I are a bicycle again, because we lost our third wheel. Sigh.

Josh is awesome. He is the best friend not named Sarah Selph. Sorry, she beat you out. But you're way up there! I'm sure Maureen will be happy and amused by you for years to come.

Congratulations, Poldermans.

interracial marriage

Did you know that you can find a verse in the Bible to support almost any insane belief you want to believe in. One such crazy belief is that interracial marriage is wrong. There are a variety of verses that are ripped out of context to support the belief, but none of it makes sense. I never really experienced much bias towards this issue until I lived in the south. Interestingly enough, MOST people do not have a huge problem with all interracial relationships. They just don't like blacks and whites being together. But being married to an Asian does have its own set of bias viewpoints that come along with it.

Here are some things I've learned about Sarah and I through others' wisdom:

1. Sarah must speak Korean and know karate.
2. I must have been in the Navy, stationed in Okinawa.
   
3. I moved her whole family here from Asia to live with us. That must be a normal dowry.
   
4. Sarah is a mail ordered bride. It only happened once, but I was seriously asked one time if that was how I met her. If I were ordering a bride from a catalogue, and she were in there, I would pick her. I think this is a clear indication that the person asking knew Sarah was way out of my league, and the only way to nab her would have been to order her.
   
5. And, of course, she is Japanese. We thought for the longest time she was Korean, but there is video evidence to the contrary. Our wedding tape clearly shows that she is Japanese.
   

Office Pranks

Anyone who watches the Office knows that a good prank makes an otherwise boring day a little more tolerable. Whose day wouldn't be enhanced by finding their stapler in a jell-o mold? I laughed when it happened to me. Of course, that stapler is now unusable, so it sits on its side, next to my Michael and Dwight bobble heads, displaying my Assistant Regional Manager status to all who come in my office.

A certain swan candy dish has been making its way around the office here. When it went MIA for a week, it was replaced by an evil looking cabbage patch doll. I was impressed with myselph when I put a big pair of sunglasses on it and stuck it in Nicole's driver seat. Why don't people lock their doors? But alas, I have been outdone. My wife is good friends with the enemy, and they have conspired against me. I was going to grab a pillow last night, so I could lay comfortably on the couch and be bored by Sportscenter, when I noticed something was under the blanket. I put my hand on it to see what it was. I thought it was one of our animals, but it wasn't. I pulled back the blanket and found that satan doll in my bed. This was a well played move. I was impressed. That alone was a solid prank. But that wasn't the end of it. I pulled back the shower curtain to heat up the water this morning, and there sat the swan dish, right on the faucet. I had been hit with both in my own house.

These will be hard to top, but they will be. I will wait a while, but I'm coming back strong. In the meantime, if you work at New Hope, you should be keeping an eye out. One or both cherished items may be sneaking in your office soon. Aren't you glad we all have the same office key?

when God makes you uncomfortable

Our dog, Jaysian, is funny. She looks more like Master Splinter than a dog, but she's our dog, and we do love her. Like most dogs, she loves running around outside. I have been dedicating ten minutes or more every morning lately to walking her before I go to work. She loves to run around a little before she stops for a bathroom break. That's not how it happened on Thursday, though. I opened the back door to let her outside, and as she hit the grass, she stopped. The ground was cold, wet, and perhaps even frost covered. It looked like frost, but I didn't venture out to feel if it was. She is from Florida and has never experienced anything like this. After shaking for a few seconds, she decided not to sniff out a good place to go. After she peed, she walked three or four steps, and she stopped to finish with the rest of her business. Again, she did not feel the need to sniff out a good spot. As soon as she finished, she turned and darted for the door. We were done with our morning walk in less than two minutes. I commented to Sarah as I walked back in that she was ready to go as soon as she felt the grass, cause she didn't like how it felt. And then it hit me...

Our dog decided to go, because she was uncomfortable. She did not enjoy where she was, and she wanted to get out of there ASAP. Sometimes God has to make us uncomfortable in order to get us to go, too. If I were completely comfortable in my last position, I suppose I wouldn't be at New Hope. If everything were sunshine and roses for me, I would have been content to stay. Things were not so sunny for me a lot of times, and I began to get mad at God. I couldn't understand how He could allow so much agony when I was trying to do right by Him. I guess He just needed to shake me up a bit, so He could change my views. I basically had to get ticked off before I could make a decision to go in a whole new direction. Mission accomplished.

No great revolution has ever been started by a group of content people. Are you willing to be revolutionary, or would you rather be comfortable the rest of your life?

for young men only...

Okay, so the title says "for young men only," but I understand that most of my readers do not fall into that category. Do I have any young men that read my blog? I'm suddenly curious. Well, feel free to keep reading, if you are a slightly outdated man or a woman of any age. Now I'm pretty sure that all the women that read my blog are young women. Right? Right. Hey, stupid, what are you getting at? Oh, thanks for bringing me back on track. I was distracted. for young men only is the title of a book I'm reviewing today. It said it was "a guy's guide to the alien gender," so I figured it had to be worthwhile. I thought I had a chance to learn something, but alas, these guys don't know anything that another married guy doesn't already know. Shoot! But if I had had this book when I was a teenager, I would have known just enough to be dangerous.

These two guys (Jeff Feldhahn and Eric Rice) set out to learn what goes on inside a woman's head. It is a worthy venture, but I like my chances of finding Noah's ark a little better. In their quest, they asked over 1,000 girls some very deep questions. They didn't just ask homemade jumper wearing church girls, either. I get the impression they asked good girls, bad girls, and even girls who wore pants instead of skirts and dresses. Say it ain't so! Now, they couldn't ask all the questions, become some of them pertained to sex. I am not a dad, but I'm 99.9% sure that if a strange man started interviewing my pretend daughter, and the questions included sexually driven questions, his book would never be written. His eulogy, however, would be lovely. So they enlisted the help of their wives.

Throughout the book, they give wisdom to young men that is contrary to what they are taught. The world often portrays life and relationships in a way that is very different than the norm. Women do not want what TV says they want (or should I say that ladies don't...). They teach young men about themselves, about girls, about treating them right (which seems to be a lost art), about a proper perspective of sex, and what a real take home to the parents guy is like. I loved that last chapter. I felt like I was reading a short biography about myselph.

In the end, I would recommend reading the book if you have a son, are single, or your wife can't stand you. Ladies, you shouldn't read the book, because it is for young men only. Sorry, those are the rules. You can get the book at Family Christian if you are interested, or even better, just bug Leslie at the New Hope bookstore, and she can order it for you. I'd give you my copy, but I already gave it to Tom.

hey, my friend...

Anyone that has ever watched America's Funniest Home Videos knows what the funniest thing in the world is. Every episode involves some unsuspecting dad taking it right to the junk. Every young boy instinctively knows that it is hilarious to hit someone there. You don't even have to teach it. Dan and I were no different. We knew it was funny. But there was someone in our family who failed to get the joke: Steve.

One day (actually several days of our lives leading up to this day), Dan and I decided to go at Steve, taking turns punching and kicking him in the nuts. He always warned us that we had better stop or else. We were never really sure what or else was, but given the extreme humor attached to his red faced bending at the waste and cussing, we decided it was a risk worth taking. Well, he had finally had enough. He beat the tar out of us on this fateful day.

I don't remember much of what went down, but here's what I do remember (what my mind has blocked out has been filled in by Steve). He threw us both on the ground. He would hit one of us while the other laid there waiting for his beating. He alternated back and forth, letting out years of frustration on us. Hitting, yelling, spit flying (death by drowning must have been part of the plan), and I believe there were even a few mobster kicks in there. He was very precise, as most big brothers are, making sure to hit us just so there were no marks (evidence) left for Mom to see. I pretty much remember the first couple of hits, and then I retreated to my happy place. I don't know where that was, but my mind was gone.

Steve stormed off, leaving us crying on the floor, and went downstairs to his bedroom. After his rage subsided, he started to feel bad. He came upstairs to apologize and see how we were, and he was surprised by what he saw. There we were, still lying on opposite sides of the living room, crying. As he approached, we began to shake, fearing there was more to come. I believe there are few times in his life that he felt guiltier than he did at that moment...and he deserved it. He should have been able to take the joke. If only we had set up a video camera and handled it this way, it probably would have turned out much better...

my wife left me and it sucks

I feel like an emotional basket case. My wife has left me and gone back to her family in Michigan. I'm glad it's only for a day, and I'll have her back tomorrow. She went home for Jenny's baby shower (congrats, Jen and Rob!). I am really dependent on her, so not being with her usually causes me many headaches.

Here are some things that slip when she's away:

• I do not cook as well as her. I made rice this morning, and I undercooked it, just like the pasta I undercooked last week. To make up for this, she made two dinners last night: one for us to enjoy together, and one to hold me over till her return.
  
• My sanitation skills are lacking. I live like a college student when I'm alone. I am eating dinner out of the same bowl I ate lunch out of. It has not been washed. I rinsed it out, but I didn't really feel the need to. And I don't clean anything. I grew up a messy kid. I don't see the mess. It's just a part of the decor, I guess.
  
• Personal hygiene is not a big plus when she's not around. I didn't shower until this afternoon, and if I weren't going out in public, I probably wouldn't have. I usually hang around the house in my pajamas in her absence. Sometimes I just go back to sleep in them. I will at least brush my teeth, though.
• AND my happiness suffers. I'm much happier when I'm with her. Who isn't? She's beautiful, funny, and my best friend. Sappy, huh? I only say it, cause it's true.
  

life isn't fair

"That's not fair!" How many times have you heard that in a whiny voice? It's so annoying. I never wanted to be a school teacher, but working at a small church that had a school, I really didn't have a choice. I did enjoy the time I got to spend with the kids, so it wasn't all bad. I think my favorite moment was when one of my kids quoted me to another teacher. The teacher said that something wasn't fair, and one of my 5th grade students raised her hand and said, "Ms. Cardenas, if life were fair, we'd all go to Hell. That's what Bro. Jeff says." You can imagine that got back to me quickly. Fortunately, she liked the quote and wrote it on the board, so I didn't get taken to the principal's office. I came across this cartoon, and I realize there are other things that really prove that life isn't fair. Enjoy.

flipdoodle

Sunday was one of the coolest days I've every experienced. It was great to be a part of something. I was too busy to twitter everything. Can you believe it? So here's the run down.

I realized very early that I (and probably a lot of other people) were in a fight with the devil. I got a very late request for an additional copy of our curriculum on Saturday night, so I was up and working very early. I went to church to copy the curriculum, and I realized that I had forgotten to make registration cards for check-in at Ashland. I made additional copies for the Loudonville campus while I was at it. When I put the L-ville cards at the check-in station, I noticed that the rest of my map books (homework for the kids) had been thrown away. They were nowhere to be found. I think I was so mad I let a flipdoodle fly. Sorry. So I have to go make more copies of that (I was at least smart enough to leave a master copy in my box). I've never had the printer jam on me before, but this morning it jammed 4 times. A few more flipdoodles were let loose. Then I get on my motorcycle to ride to Wooster. I had a DVD to drop off. It was a nice ride. I got to do a lot of praying. I arrive at the Wooster campus, and go to get the DVD out of my bag. It was on the coffee table. FLIPDOODLE! I sat under the awning feeling a little defeated, a little pouty, and very angry. But then I realized it was 7:32 AM, and I had to be to Ashland by 8:00 AM. Yes, all this took place BEFORE 7:30 AM. Yikes. Back on the bike, and off I go.

I arrived at the Ashland campus, and I'm thinking everything is going to be great, and it was...eventually. We got our rooms set up, and I start working on the computers. Turns out the wireless card was not working or was not in one of the laptops. No big deal - I had 3 others. Too bad Bud had Windows Vista, cause it doesn't work with the printers we need for check in. Now I"m down to 2. I was having trouble with the printer driver on one, but I got it figured out. Just as I printed my label to test it out, here comes the first family to check in. But we had 52 kids check-in after that first one, so I'd have to say that was all worth it.

The Ashland Launch was awesome. If I wrote about it, this post would be even longer, clearly crossing the way too long line. So you can go to Kevin's or Charles' blogs to read about it. I can't wait for Tammy's report tomorrow on lives changed.

Then we had //the.evolution launch. It was pretty cool, but Tom will have to tell you more about it later. I just ran the screens, ate pizza, embarrassed a few 6th grade girls and drank a ton of Dr. Pepper. I have no other details for you.

*I hear rock and roll*

I am an emotional sleeper. I blow everything out of proportion when I am half asleep to all the way asleep. For instance, one time Sarah was doing laundry, and wanted my white undershirt for the white load. I had fallen asleep on the couch, so she had to wake me a little to get it from me. I squirmed and grunted, but I wouldn't give her the shirt. At one point, I sat up and turned my head right towards her. She thought I was giving her my shirt. Nay, nay. I had only sat up to move my head to the other side of the couch to get away from her. She tried again, and I really got agitated. I said very rudely to her, "LAY OFF ME, CHUMP STAINS!," but I was still sound asleep. I don't remember any of this; I only know what she told me. Oh, and I did eventually give her the shirt. Now I say all that to preface what I'm going to post. I'm sure my recollection of the story is blown way out of proportion, but I'm going to tell it how I remember it, cause it's way better than what is most likely the truth.

My parents were a little legalistic when I was younger. They're not now, but it was a long journey from where they were to where they are. They had no ill intentions. My mom grew up an orthodox Jew, and my dad a very unorthodox Catholic. Both had a good-works view of redemption. So they were easy marks for the Baptist legalist movement. It seemed natural enough, I'm sure. They were taught in church(es) what being a good Christian meant, and they afflicted...I mean instructed us on how this went. I've never had a problem with them, though, cause they were only trying to do what was right by God and us. They're awesome parents, and I knew the whole time they loved me. But that doesn't make some of the things they did any less funny...


Christ rock was a big no-no in our house. My brother Steve had wandered from God, and yes, music did play a roll, but my mom had a misunderstanding of how this worked. She thought Christian rock was a stepping stone to "bad rock," when in reality, the Christian rock of Steve's teen years just sucked. If he wanted to listen to good music, it would have had to be secular. Still, rock and roll became the devil's #1 tool, Christian or otherwise, as far as she was concerned (and many of her church cohorts, too). This led to one of the funniest moments in my life, which is, as mentioned probably exaggerated.

I had a friend that gave me the Newsboys' "Not Ashamed" tape, because he didn't like it. I wasn't supposed to have it, but I wanted it anyway. I listened to it on my little black tape player when I was going to sleep at night. One night, however, my tape player fell down next to my bed and next to a heat register, taking the sounds right up into my parents' room. Here I am asleep, and all of a sudden, the door flies open as though my mom had kicked it open. She threw on the lights and fumed "I HEAR ROCK AND ROLL!" I was half asleep at this point. I had no idea what she was talking about. I mumbled the word what, and she rabidly repeated those five words again. Sorry I had asked. "WHERE IS IT?!?" I finally realized what she was talking about and reached for my tape player. I took out the tape and sheepishly said, "It's Christian,"...like she cared. With fervor and unbelievable speed, she ripped the whole tape from cassette. It was almost cartoon like. Her arms were flailing all over the place, and the tape was soaring like streamers at a New Years party. And I swear, I can remember her taking that little cassette and snapping with her hands, like it was a pencil, like it was nothing. I've never been more afraid of my mom in my whole life. Fortunately, I cannot stay up long if awoken from deep sleep like that, so I quickly got over my mom's intimidating display and fell fast asleep.
But I never forgot it, and now, maybe you won't either. As a side note, I have a ton of Christian rock CDs in my collection now, but guess which CD I could never bring myselph to buy: Newsboys' "Not Ashamed." That album scares the crap out of me.

the office

Part of me misses working at ADT. Part of me misses working at Baymeadows. Both had their fair resemblance to The Office. I'm not 100% sure we resemble the Office crew at New Hope, but I'm pretty sure we'd be hilarious to make an episode about. I'm very excited for the return of the Office this Thursday, so it got me to thinking about who most closely resembles the characters from the show at New Hope. This is the best I can do...

• Charles has to be Michael Scott. He's the boss, and I think they both own the same "World's Best Boss" coffee mug. Plus, Michael's hair is thinning, so he should have the NH do soon.
• Jeff C must then be Dwight, because he is Assistant to the Regional Manager, Charles.
• Brian would be Ryan Howard. Why? Well, he's the new intern, and although Brian didn't start the fire, he used to be a fireman...so there's a natural tie between him and cheese pita fires. You can insert his name into the song, though: Brian started the fire!
  
• Danley Knight is none other than Stanley Hudson, because, as Dan puts it, they both have the spiritual gift of wet blanket.
• Just for the sake of not offending anyone, I'll go ahead and be Kevin Malone. After all, I'm chubby, and I make some pretty funny faces some times.
• Tammy takes Pam Beasley. Pam and Tam rhyme, and I clearly like rhyming all the timing. Oh, and she answers the majority of the phone calls.
• Since I'm already Kevin, out of the graciousness of my heart, and Angela is a woman, Jim Ford must be Oscar Martinez, but only because they're both in accounting. It should be noted, however, that Jim is not attracted to men.
• And Tim must be Andy Bernard. Tim has his own worship project going, and Andy has some musical skills of his own. I believe this is what is called a smart match.
• The Jim Halpert award goes to Kevin Rush. Congratulations. This is a prestigious award. He's the top sales guy, since he's the only one of us on the phone selling sponsorships for the Sticks. He's also young and hip.
• Default placements: Tom gets to be Creed (an age related decision...sorry, boss), and Bud is left to be Toby (also sorry on that one).
  

Unfortunately, I could not place everyone. I would be mugged if I made any of the women in our office out to be Phyllis, Angela, Kelly, or Meredith, so I'll pass on that.

when choosing a hero

Know what you're getting when you choose a hero. You should make sure that you really want to be like that person. For instance, I would never choose Aquaman. Not only is his outfit incredibly gay, but he's pretty much useless unless crime needs to be fought in/near the water. I'll take my chances with the Coast Guard. His main superpower is being able to communicate with sea life. Not sure I want to talk to seahorses, so I'll go with someone else.

Some people have said that I am their hero. I really couldn't think of why, so I decided to put together a list of reasons why I might be someone's hero. Here's what I came up with...

1. You have incredibly low standards
2. You want to be short and out of shape when you grow up
3. Deep down, you know that Jews rock
4. You want to marry beautiful Asian
5. I think it all boils down to reason #1.

That's pretty much all I could think of. But maybe you should post the reason why I'm your hero in the comment section. OR you can say who your hero is and why. Mine are Sarah and my parents. They never quit. They stay by what they say and believe through all kinds of adversity. And here's a video of me, a hero in action...

Would you recognize it?

Supreme Court Justice Potter Stewart is famous for one thing. He is not famous for being from Jackson, Michigan, although that is an established fact. He is mostly known for a singular quote he made in his deposition on the obscenity case "Jacobellis v. Ohio." Speaking on hardcore pornography, and whether or not the movie in question was or was not, he said, "I shall not today attempt further to define the kinds of material I understand to be embraced within that shorthand description (hardcore pornography); and perhaps I could never succeed in intelligibly doing so. But I know it when I see it..." Incidentally, he deemed that the movie in question was not.

I know it when I see it. A lot of pastors have used this quote toward the negative, and for obvious reason, but I'm twisted. You didn't know that? It's true. So I'm going to use that phrase for something positive. I, personally, cannot define what true worship looks like. That's probably because it is different for everyone. It's not as simple as stating that it involves hot licks on the guitar, soft notes on the piano, being fast or slow. I just don't know. Sometimes I dread worship at church, because I am not moved to move as much as other people. Everyone seems to be looking to God, raising their hands, clapping, or whatever. And I don't like just standing there looking like a curmudgeon, but I refuse to pretend. Mostly my worship is very inward, and I am very still. My hand will go up very rarely. Amazing Grace (My Chains Are Gone) seems to get me every time. It got me on Sunday. Maybe it's cause I'm happy to know that my chains have been removed, and I'm only tied up by them when I stupidly choose to put them back on. I can be free from any sin I struggle with; I already am. It's just choosing to be free. The point is that I do not worship like most of the people I am around at church. To some, I may not look worshipful at all. I might even look angry, when I am actually very happy about what God has done.

Can I define true worship? Nope. It looks different to different people. People react differently to it. It has not one true form. But I know it when I see it. Would I get in trouble for saying that hard core pornography and worship seem to have one thing in common then? I probably would, so I won't say it.

Here's a video with some real worship from Kevin Rush. Man does he know how to inspire worship. AND, I just love one of the ladies on his worship team. That's her picture up top.

don't sweat the small stuff...or do

I had a fatal motorcycle ride home on Saturday night. Obviously, it was not I that was killed. How can you tell? You'll have to take my word for it. I was coming home from a UFC watch party, and I was pretty nervous about deer. It was pitch black on the roads, and visibility was very limited. So I was constantly scanning the area in front of me for deer. Meanwhile, a raccoon sneaked (snuck is not a real word, for those that are wondering why I didn't use it) out into the road. I didn't see it, because I was too focused on the possibility of deer. Fortunately, I was able to avoid him with my front tire, keeping his and my blood off of me. He wasn't very smart, though. He doubled back right under my back tire. It caused me to fishtail back and forth a little. I thought I was going to join him, bleeding on the pavement. All this, because I was focused on not hitting a bigger animal.

You can probably tell from reading my blog that I am super spiritual. So of course, I spiritualized my experience. And for those of you that really are super spiritual, you're probably way ahead of me on this, but I'll type it anyway. I was thinking about how I have lived my life the same way. I keep my eyes out for the "big sins." I focus on not doing certain things that would completely derail my life, and take pride in the fact that I haven't done them. Meanwhile, I slowly start fading away in other areas of my life. I might miss spending time with God one day, but I don't mind. It wasn't a big deal. Next day, I might do it again. Next thing you know, I haven't really spent good time with God for a month, maybe more. I didn't do anything else major (pick whatever you find to be a major sin, God hates all sin anyway), but I am a spiritual mess. I've crashed and burned. There were no spiritual deer in the road, either. I just ran over a raccoon that I wasn't even watching for.

Maybe we should start sweating the small stuff. Jesus didn't just die for adultery, murder, child abuse, etc. He also died for our laziness, our moments of disbelief, our selfishness, our occasional curse words, and everything else we think isn't that big of a deal. If He cared enough to die for it, maybe we should care enough to keep our eyes out for it. We should be wary everyday of what is going on in our lives. Romans 12:2 says, "Do not be conformed to this age, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may discern what is the good, pleasing, and perfect will of God." (HCSB) So the renewed mind is the key to being able to discern what's right/wrong while you're keeping watch in your life.

it's good to be a man.

There are so many reasons why it's great to be a man. Here's my top 10 list why it's good to be a man.

10. Legalists don't get mad at us for wearing pants.
9. We can go to the bathroom without worrying about a friend coming or about if the seat will be up or down.
8. Because your only two options for child birth are lots of pain or a huge needle in the back.
7. Eating everything on your plate is acceptable and expected.
6. Urinals.
5. Action movies are better than chick flicks.
4. Grilling is unofficially your job.
3. You can be a parent without getting stretch marks.
2. Watching the football game with nacho cheese on your shirt is better than having a tea party, stamping it up, and canning.
1. God made women just for us.

What did I miss? Leave your comments.

broken

God speaks through music. Why, I learned just today that Jesus is my friend. I was very pleased. Music means a lot to me. Sometimes I get in a mood where all I want to do is live and breathe music. Of course, being tone deaf and hideously monotone, I try to only breathe music in...no one wants to hear me exhaling music. There have been times that I have taken my mp3 player, hidden the ear buds under my helmet, and gone for a long motorcycle ride. Those were times of escape for me.

I remember a particular time when God just grabbed my heart and wouldn't let go. The night before, Sarah had broken down crying, telling me how miserable she was. God had finally turned the tide. I had been fighting God for almost 4 months at that point. Fighting Him about whether I should leave my current church at the time and go somewhere else. Four months before, I had only been on staff for 6 months, so in my mind, there was no way I was reading it right. But I remember telling my replacement that I needed to start training him to replace me. He was surprised, but I assured him it would be quite a while before that happened. I was, of course, wrong as usual. God was asking me to get ready to leave, He was telling me to leave. The first time God told me to go was Sunday, November 4, 2007. I remember it clearly.

February of this year was particularly hard for me. I knew I needed to leave, but I was holding on. God was throwing reason after reason at me to leave, but I stood there and took it. Pride had a lot to do with it, but so did my being attached to my youth group. Finally, on February 28, I gave Sarah my word that I would find another job. It wasn't until the next day, though, that I promised God. I was riding my motorcycle, listening to music (illegal, I know), and I stopped home for lunch. On my way into the lot in front of our condo, "Breathe Into Me," by Red came on. I remember the tears welling up in my eyes as I listened to them sing about my life. I walked into my home, threw my helmet to the ground, laid face down in the middle of my living room, and just started crying and asking God to forgive me for my stubbornness, and pleading with Him to fix the mess I'd made. I was broken before Him. I couldn't move. But I could feel Him loving on me.

Here are the lyrics that punched me right in the throat:

And this is how it feels when I
Ignore the words You spoke to me
And this is where I lose myself
Wen I keep running away from you

And then I just listened to the rest of the lyrics, which are worth your time. I know they spoke to me, because I was ignoring God. We've all done it. I hope you're not now. If you are, stop it!

Oh, and I know I'm a dates freak. I shouldn't remember exact days like this, but I can't help it. But I still can't remember people's names. It's a real shame.

A huge thanks to Nicole for buying us the best donuts I've ever had. Lerch's actually tastes better than Marge's. I only blog about this because it was a condition for getting the donut for free. It was worth it.

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Instructions for life

Listening to preaching online isn't always as boring as you'd think. Sometimes it gets pretty interesting. This picture reminded me of a sermon I have listened to several times. I came across it when I was looking for a picture for my children's ministry blog on our church's website...somehow it just didn't seem appropriate. It probably still isn't.

How can that picture have anything to do with a sermon? You'll have to go here and find out. Even if you've already seen the video, you know you'll enjoy it again.

By the way, here's an edited video from the same guy. The original was funny, in a sad kind of way. Now it's just plain funny. Thanks to whoever made this.

Bum Rap Part 2

Okay, so now I move onto Christian rock. It definitely used to be very pathetic. Then the Newsboys, DC Talk, and Audio Adrenaline came along, and revolutionized the industry. They're not the best now, nor my favorites to listen to, but they definitely did good stuff to change the landscape of Christian music. If I were to get a pet rock today, I would name it Christian, because Christian rock has just gotten that cool.

The proof is in the pudding...which leads me to my next rabbit trail. What is in the pudding, and what is it proof of? Colonel Mustard did it in the library with the pudding? Bill Cosby never knew Jell-O could be so powerful. Oh yeah, what proof? Well, I remember watching Criminal Minds after the Super Bowl, and they showed a preview for the next episode. The background song? Game on, by Disciple. They could have chosen any song, and yet they chose this one. Then WWE decided they liked that song so much that they made it the theme song for an entire PPV event. And ESPN used that same song for the background music for the ultimate highlight. Then WWE came back and asked Disciple to do an original entrance song for a tag team.

Now, this is only one band, and they could be an anomaly. But wait, there's more. If you keep reading now, I'll throw in more miscellaneous facts to tickle your frontal lobe. I'm not a big fan of Switchfoot, but they are certainly a well accepted Christian band. I can hardly turn on the TV without hearing one of their songs. Flyleaf was used in Live Free or Die Hard in one of the best scenes of the movie (hard to pick the best scene in that movie). PODs music is almost more overplayed on mainstream TV than they are on Way FM...is that even possible? As I Lay Dying is regarded as a top of the line screamo metal band, and they just happen to be a Christian band. By the way, their shirts have skulls on them, and that apparently earned my nephew a talking to. Well played, Matthew. Oh, and that shirt was bought at Hot Topic, where you can also buy Underoath and Flyleaf shirts. How good does a Christian band have to be to be put on Hot Topic's shelves? Then there's Demon Hunter, who was repeatedly featured on MTV2's Head Bangers Ball and has also won Grammies for their album artwork.

And, as a final note, let's not forget Red. They really don't have any accolades to speak of, but they're good, hard hitting rock...and their lead singer looks a little like our lead pastor. Enjoy their video.


And the list goes on. And the beat goes on. And I go to bed. Good night now.

one more thing

I've got rap in my blood. Here I am with my brother Dan. I think we were 5 and 6, posing like Run DMC for our brother Steve. Dan clearly had a better understanding of how to do this. Still, even from a young age, I took rap seriously. Don't tell Mom.

Bum Rap Part 1

I wish I could find some good footage of a bum rapping. Unfortunately, the only video I came across was of a drunk dude dropping f-bombs like a Lions receiver dropping passes. So you'll have to just enjoy this nice picture of the coolest bum I've ever seen. I'd probably give him a few bucks. But alas, I did not start this blog to talk about panhandling bums and their mad rapping skills. This blog inspired me to talk about a group of people that gets a bum rap: Christian musicians.

I love Perry Noble. He's one of the best preachers I've ever heard. But I have to take umbrage with a statement he made in a recent message: “If a Christian can only listen to Christian music, I wouldn’t listen to music because most of it is bad.” And he's not alone. There are a number of pastors that hold this position, but since they're on staff with me, I'm not going to throw them out there. Perry's a big enough guy to not get upset that I disagree with him, especially since he'll never know...

I guess I understand where this position comes from. If I was a teenager when he was, I'd probably feel the same way. At one point, DC Talk was the biggest name in Christian rap. Seriously? Give me Run DMC, Sir Mixalot, and even MC Hammer. Christian rap was certainly a joke back then, but no one's laughing anymore...no one that knows what they're talking about, anyway.

I'll never forget a ride home from work in 1999. I was working at Meijer (that lasted for a whole month), and my brother Dan picked me up. A song came on the radio called, "I AM," by the Cross Movement, off their House of Representatives CD. This song rocked my world. It's the first song I learned by them, and it wasn't uncommon for my brother and I to butcher it, in classic white guy style, on the way here and there. I immediately bought this CD. Growing up in Detroit, or rather having a big brother who grew up in Detroit, really turned me onto rap. Unfortunately, there wasn't anything good for me to listen to, until now.

The Cross Movement seemed to be all alone in the Christian rap field. There were other groups out there, but CM was a group of men among boys. I only had them to cling to, and I anxiously awaited every new CD (which I happen to have if you would like to hear what I'm talking about). It was cool, but it was also sad. Why couldn't anyone else put together beats, rhymes, and solid theology like these guys? I learned more theology from CM than I did at Bible school, and I didn't mind sharing that with my profs along the way. They minded, though.

Imagine my excitement when Cross Movement Records started, and they recruited their first solo artist from outside the fold: Da' Truth. Holy cats! Unbelievable stuff. I can listen to his first CD for hours. They were on the verge of starting something huge: a record label with, in my opinion (which I highly value, and you should, too), the best collection of Christian rap artists. I had CDs that I could recommend. Sure, my friends were skeptical, but when they borrowed a CD, they heard what I was talking about. I've never lent out a CMR CD to someone that didn't go out and buy at least one for themself, and that includes unsaved people. From teenagers to adults, blacks and whites, saved and unsaved...everybody who appreciates quality rap loves CMR.

Here's a list of their artists. Click the link and go check them out. If you like rap, you won't be sorry.

• The Cross Movement (the Ambassador, the Phanatik, the Tonic, T.R.U.-L.I.F.E...all of which have their own incredible solo works, but I'm still waiting for the Tonic release)
• Da Truth
• Flame
• Lecrae
• Everyday Process
• R Swift
• MOD

There's more on the site, but they're not all rap. There's rap/funk, r&b, and rap. Those are just the guys whose stuff I own and can vouch for. Oh, and I've seen them all in concert, too. Sure, I felt a little out of place, but it was worth it. It was a great show. One more thing, you should notice that I didn't talk about any other Christian rappers, and that's cause there's no one out there in mainstream Christian rap that compares with these guys.

I'll talk about Christian rock when I get back from Jacksonville. In the words of Kip Dynamite...peace out!

pursuing irrelevance

Josh Polderman is a great friend to me. In fact, he's my nominal best friend. He gave me a great gift when he introduced me to my wife. They worked at Arby's together, by the way. I think everyone should have a fast food job at some point in life. So what did Josh do? Essentially, he made himself irrelevant...or at least he made it possible for himself to be irrelevant. He replaced himself by introducing me to my new best friend. So now Sarah is truly my best friend in the world, but Josh still gets to be called best friend...and I call Sarah a variety of other names, like wife, honey, sweetie, buttface, etc. I can't tell you what she calls me. This is a Christian blog.

A great leader will also make himselph irrelevant. He will identify another leader that he can bring by his side and train. This person may even be a better leader than him. It takes a lot of courage to do that. After all, if the person you mentor/train turns out to be better than you, he very well could take your job. The question you'd have to ask yourselph before making the decision to do this is this: am I more important than the company I work for? If the answer is yes, you should probably quit and find something else. The answer is easy for me: ABSOLUTELY NOT! Of course, I work for the church, whose goal is to reach people for Christ, so it should be a no brainer. Too bad there are a lot of people who do have brains that still can't figure this out.

I'll put this out there: I hope I can make myselph irrelevant within one year. That's my goal. That doesn't mean I want to be fired, cause I seriously love my job. Seriously. I'm being serious. It doesn't happen often, so take note. I just want to train someone else to do what I do. That would come in handy if I die, or if God moves me somewhere else, or if God directs me to another position in the church, or if I get fired. Then again, if I get fired, maybe the person that has been trained by me may not be the best choice for a replacement.

sending you on a Wild Goose Chase

I do not like to read. I don't particularly like geese, especially after attending a college whose grounds were covered in goose poop. I also do not like being chased. If I am being chased, I must be running, and if I am running, I am no doubt unhappy. Running is for chumps...said the little out of shape man. What am I getting at? I'm getting at the fact that I might be the least likely person to do a book review on a book called Wild Goose Chase, by Mark Batterson. Lucky for me, it had nothing to do with geese or being chased. It was about following the Holy Spirit. I like Him.

This book addresses something that we all struggle with: following God's will in our lives...no ifs, ands, or buts about it. There are a number of things that keep us from following the Holy Spirit's leading. I could list six hindrances right off the top of my head, but that'd be cheating. You'll have to BUY THIS BOOK and find out for yourselph. Mark refers to these hindrances as cages, and he provides wisdom on getting out of such cages.

This is definitely one of the most liberating books I've ever read. It can't quite match up with the Bible, but it is definitely a good supplement. Wild Goose Chase gives you advice for coming out of chains you have put on after getting saved. We have set up so many boundaries for our own lives and have asked God to work within these boundaries. I know I have. There is a quote from the first chapter that I highlighted, wrote down, and kept going back to: "Instead of following the Spirit, we invite the Spirit to follow us." Mark appeals to your logic, intellect, and the Holy Spirit within you to cut it out. The Holy Spirit will be okay without our advice. Wouldn't you agree?

I don't know the last time I picked up a book that I wanted to read. Usually it's assigned reading from school, bosses, and accountability partners. Finally I found a book that I wanted to read, enjoyed reading, and recommend you read. You should read Mark Batterson's blog, too, by the way. Below is the official summary and author bio. Hey, if you read it here, it's like saving an entire page of reading later, since it's exactly what's on the back cover of the book.

Summary:

Most of us have no idea where we’re going most of the time. Perfect.

“Celtic Christians had a name for the Holy Spirit–An Geadh-Glas, or ‘the Wild Goose.’ The name hints at mystery. Much like a wild goose, the Spirit of God cannot be tracked or tamed. An element of danger, an air of unpredictability surround Him. And while the name may sound a little sacrilegious, I cannot think of a better description of what it’s like to follow the Spirit through life. I think the Celtic Christians were on to something….

Most of us will have no idea where we are going most of the time. And I know that is unsettling. But circumstantial uncertainty also goes by another name: Adventure.” --from the introduction.

Author Bio:

Mark Batterson is the lead pastor of Washington, DC’s National Community Church, widely recognized as one of America’s most innovative churches. NCC meets in movie theaters at metro stops throughout the city, as well as in a church-owned coffee house near Union Station. More than seventy percent of NCC’ers are single twentysomethings who live or work on Capitol Hill. Mark is the author of the best-selling In a Pit with a Lion on a Snowy Day and a widely read blogger (www.markbatterson.com). He lives on Capitol Hill with his wife, Lora, and their three children.

some things never change

Did you know that not ALL change is good? It's good to change your approach, change your style, change your hair...it's especially good to change your underwear. Seriously it is. If you haven't done that yet this morning, please stop reading my blog and go do that. I don't want to get between you and good hygiene.

Okay, back to not all change being good. There have been a few constants in my life that have never changed, never will change, and I wouldn't want them to. I'll tell you all of them, but I'll only elaborate on one, cause it's a special day. The first thing that has never changed is God's love for me. If His love for me was based on my obedience and faithfulness to Him, I'd be in big trouble. So it's good that that doesn't change. The second thing is how good my family is to me. They've always been there for me, and they always will be. If there's a fight, they've got my back, and now that my nephew has his black belt, my back is feeling quite safe.

The third thing that has never changed, and the topic of today's show (brought to you by the letter 4) is the greatness of my wife, Sarah. Greatness? Yes, greatness. What's so great about her anyway? I'd be glad to fill you in, although if you know her, I don't even have to tell you. But here's a gratuitous list, just because I want to...

• She's beautiful
• She loves me, in spite of me (that takes a lot of love sometimes)
• She's Korean. I know, you thought she was part Chinese, part Japanese, part Laotian, part Thai, part Vietnamese, etc. Nope, she is, in fact, Korean.
  
• She's passionate about serving God, and she's never held me back from serving
• Did I mention how pretty she is?
• She sings like a bird...not a vulture, by the way
• She's hilarious
• She's entirely faithful to me
• She's a big sports fan, which only matters cause she likes Michigan, the Red Wings, the Pistons, and even the Lions
  
• AND...she likes me a lot more than she likes you. I just love that

I may have fooled her when I was dating her. I pretended to be grown up, mature, and sensitive. Ha! She hasn't changed, though. She's still just as sweet as the day I met her, and of course, she's every bit as gorgeous. Maybe more. Would that be considered a change? I'll let it slide.

So you can imagine how happy I am to have been married to her for 7 years today. It's been the best time of my life. No matter how bad some things get, at the end of the day, I've still got Sarah, and that's more than enough for me.

Happy Anniversary, Sarah! I love you.

would you like fries with that?

Would you? The question is a classic upsale at many fast food restaurants, based on the theory that EVERYONE likes fries. I happen to love fries, but my dad actually doesn't. I don't see him ever saying yes to this question. But the approach with every customer must be the same. Either they offer you fries, a combo meal, some limited time offer, or a dessert. Whatever the focus is, everyone's getting offered that ONE thing. I think it's a rather dubious sales technique. Just shoot a buckshot...you're bound to hit something. Of course, fast food is fast food, and if they took the time to really get to know the needs and wants of each customer, it wouldn't be very fast.

More food thoughts: I went to Little Caesar's after grocery shopping tonight. We do this commonly, because we don't want to come home and wait until we've put the groceries away and cooked dinner to eat. Now, I am a little different when it comes to pizza (and many other things): I like those bubbles that randomly pop up on pizzas. So when I saw a pizza being pulled out with bubbles all over it, I got a little excited. The girl helping me told the other girl to throw it away, cause no one would want a pizza that way. I asked if I could trade pizzas, because I like pizza bubbles. I was told no, because she would have to throw it away. I asked again, explaining that I REALLY liked the way that pizza looked. "Sorry, she had to throw it away." What? I just asked to PAY for a pizza, but I was told I could NOT have what I wanted, basically because no one else would have wanted that pizza. So in the end, throwing away the product was better than selling it to someone that would have enjoyed it.

I'm sure there is a spiritual application here. Maybe something that applies to the church. It's right there, on the tip of my tongue...but it doesn't taste quite as good as that pizza with bubbles would have. Anyone got a good application here? I have thoughts, but I can't put words to them yet. I'm WAY too annoyed.

vernacular

Regional vernacular usually leads to arguments over who is right. Is it pop or is it soda? It's pop. Thanks for asking. Sometimes we agree on a word, but the way we pronounce it becomes the argument. Peh-con or Pee-can? Who cares? You say tomato, I say ketchup. It shouldn't cause a big stir...but sometimes it can.

Cornhole...think about that for a second...let it sink in. What does that mean? If you're not from Ohio, you didn't think of the party game that has captivated central Ohio. Be honest with yourselph. That's not what you thought. Sinner. I was in a meeting for Manfest 08, and my new coworkers kept talking about cornhole having to be part of the festivities. After hearing it a few times and giggling to myselph, I finally asked what it meant. I had to admit that that was NOT what that term meant where I was from.

I will remember that for a long time. In fact, I will probably think of that every time corn hole is brought up or played in front of me. Funny as it was to me, nothing can compare with this vernacularly charged situation. Make sure you click on the link and watch the video. It's well worth your time.