modest is hottest

I should have made a slide that said just that, but I didn't.  Modest is hottest, at least to chivalrous gentlemen who want to marry a girl for what she's worth.  I missed out.  Oh well.  We wrapped up our beautiful series last night with a lesson on modesty and respect.  I asked what modesty was, and I got a number of good answers.  The best answer came from one of my youth leaders, Jared, who said it is "dressing with the opposite sex's purity in mind."  Beautifully stated.  Here are the slides with the notes.

Why does it specify those things in this verse?  He is describing how a prostitute would present herself at that time.
Is it still wrong to have braided hair, gold, pearls, or expensive clothes?
What might it say if it were written today?

Some people say, “Well, I can dress this way.  It’s not my fault they look at me.”  But we are commanded not to do anything that would cause a stumbling block to someone else. What is that?
Then there’s a common sense approach.  If I parked my car in a used car lot, right next to other cars that are for sale, would I have any business getting upset with people looking the car over?  No, because I presented my car as though it were for sale.  If you do not want to be looked at, common sense tells you that you should not present yourself in a way that makes yourself look like you’re giving yourself away.

No, I’m saying that women share blame, though.  It’s not fair to soley blame boys for looking when girls present themselves in a way that says, “Hey, look at me!”

You are in control of your eyes.  God makes an already difficult standard a little more difficult.  It's not a new standard.  He is helping us better understand His standards.
We will be held accountable to God for everything we do, including ever time we commit adultery, be it physically or in our hearts.

Flee youthful lusts and pursue righteousness.  Repentance happens when we turn from one thing and turn to something else.  You cannot turn away from anything without having something to turn to.
These verses in 1 Corinthians are misrepresented so many times.  We say that “God won’t give me more than I can handle, so I know I won’t have more stress in my life, because I’ve reached my limit.”  He’s not saying that.  That’s a myth.  He’s saying that there isn't a single temptation, gentlemen, that you cannot escape, because He always provides a way to escape.
We are not told to stand up and face temptation.  We're not told to prove our strength.  We are told to get out of there.

We read 1 Corinthians 6:12-20

People spend their time trying to figure out how far they can go without sinning.  Of course, Jesus says that to lust is adultery, but downplay that.  He says that to cause another person to sin, which includes lust, is a sin, but we downplay that.  We replace God’s standards with a hybrid of His standards and ours.

We fail to attain holiness, so we redefine holiness.  Paul says, “Yeah, you have free will, and you can do just about anything you want, but think about this: don’t become a slave to anything.”

Do people become addicted to the praise and attention of others?  Yes.  Is pornography addictive?  Yes.  Studies have shown that it released endorphins in your brain, much like any other drug.  Sex?  Yup.  Some try to redefine what sex is, but realistically, you know what it is.  Usually, when you have to say, “It’s not technically such-and-such,” it is absolutely such-and-such.

Your bodies weren’t made for that!  They weren’t made for putting on display.  They weren’t made for sexual sins.  Ability and purpose are not synonymous.  Never make the mistake of thinking that.  Being able to do something does not mean you should be doing it.

Your purpose is to honor God.

Ladies: You are beautiful.  You do not need to dress a certain way to draw the eyes and attention of silly little boys.  God said you’re beautiful.  You are beautiful.  If a boy doesn’t think so, because you dress too modestly, he is not worth your time.  If a boy only “loves” you, because you are giving him something, he does not love you.  Don’t believe me?  Stop.  See how much he loves you when you stop.  It takes more love to not have sex with someone than it does to have sex with them.  Don’t sell yourself short.

Boys: You are beautiful, too.  Do not sell yourself short, and do not ask a girl to do so for you.  You treat women like your sister in Christ.  You honor them.  You cherish them.  You reinforce their value and beauty without getting something in return.

making Thanksgiving more meaningful

There is an annual uprising amongst many about making Christmas more meaningful.  So many people have their own idea of what that means for presents, traditions, itineraries, Satan (sp?) Claus, and meals.  Seriously, I'm just kidding.  I have nothing against Santa.  I just wish he had visited my house when I was a kid.  I can guarantee you that you will hear at least one person suggest that "we make Christmas more meaningful" this year.  What about Thanksgiving, though?

Thanksgiving has become about family, football, and gorging ourselves with food.  Counting Santa, that makes four things I am not against in this post.  We say it's about gratefulness, and we back up that claim by going around the table and making sure everyone says one thing that they are thankful for.  I'm not saying that no one is grateful for anything, and I certainly am not saying that I am not.  I am saying, though, that Thanksgiving seems to get a pass on its superfluity.  You know who else thought this, and actually who provoked these thoughts?  Todd.  He came to small group last week with a unique idea.  What if we choose something we are thankful for, wrap it, and open it on Christmas day?  We would then appreciate that thing much more.  It would enhance our gratefulness.  So, we decided to do it.

Last night, we had small group, and we all brought something we were going to wrap (either physically or symbolically).  Even the kids participated.  Here's what we chose and why:

• Sarah gave up her debit card, because she is often more frustrated about the money we don't have than content with what God has provided us (like just enough for her to stay home with Jakob).


• I also gave up my debit card, but I had a different reason.  I take our money for granted.  If I want a pop, I go buy one.  If I forget my lunch, it's okay, because I can just buy something cheap, which adds up with my memory.  I want to be more grateful for our money and waste it less.


• Todd and Amanda went in together.  They gave up their TV.  Their boys were not a part of this, so they get to keep their TV, which is in the basement.  Rumor has it that when they unwrap their TV on Christmas day, it will be bigger, better, and with a flatter screen.


• Jeff H gave up surfing the internet.  He will only use internet for two things between now and Christmas: e-mail (he's a school teacher and cannot ignore parents for a month, although he'd probably like to) and hockey coaching.  He's a literal coach, not a fantasy coach, so it's legit stuff he's using.  No internet fun for him.


• Amy gave up going out for coffee.  She has not gone crazy and given up caffeine entirely, but she cannot go out for a latte to Starbucks or Biggby's.  If she wants coffee, she has to make it.


• Jack (6th grade) gave up electricity in his room, because he likes to hang out in there and uses it constantly.  He also never shuts off his light.


• Ellie (5th grade) gave up her favorite American Girl dolls.  From what I understand, this is a huge deal for a young girl.  I'm personally creeped out by most dolls, so I was delighted to see them at small group last night.


• Zach (5th grade) is probably the most extreme in giving up his bed and pillow.  He has chosen to sleep on a cot in his room till Christmas.


• Logan (2nd grade) gave up his favorite video game, and if you know many second grade boys with a Nintendo DS, you know this is like giving up your livelihood.

I'm sure it's not going to be easy.  I know I already dread grocery shopping, Christmas shopping, and going to the gas station, but I'm a big boy.  I can handle it, and I will be really glad when I get my card back.  I'll probably go out and fill up the gas tank right away.

What would you choose to go without?

Beautiful: She (Nooma Video)

I really wanted to find a way to work Rob Bell's Nooma vide "She" into the Beautiful series, but I did not want to attempt to teach after him.  So, I gave the video it's own lesson night.  That made the lesson at least ten minutes shorter than a normal lesson.  I filled the time with more game time and more hang time.  It's good to do that every so often, anyway, and with many of the students having finals this week, plus the stress of Thanksgiving, it seemed like a great time for it.  Hope you enjoy the video and the added Spanish subtitles.

[youtube=http://youtube.com/watch?v=_oLf0MCTkhA]

 

"God, Thanks for Jeff"

This is not a Thanksgiving post.  I know it looks like it is, because it's late November and the word "thanks" is in the title, but it really isn't.  It's a post about job security.  I'm going to let you know how I know my job is safe and how I will know it's time to start looking.

My boss, Dave, and I meet every "Thursday."  Thursday requires quotation marks, because we allegedly meet every Thursday, but with our weird schedules, we often end up meeting on Wednesday or Friday, and we even occasionally miss it altogether.  That is fairly irrelevant to the post, but I want to see if I can keep you reading.  Are you still reading?  If so, you will be delighted to know that I'm going to tell you my secret now.

At the end of every meeting, Dave prays us out.  All meetings in churches much at least end in prayer, and several begin with it, as well.  There is one thing that is a prayer staple at these supervisory meetings.  Dave starts out and says, "God, thanks for Jeff..."  You see that?  My boss man is grateful for my existence.  That one line makes me more comfortable, because if he's still glad I exist, he must like what I'm doing to some extent.  If he stops saying that, I'll be suspicious and worried.

beautiful: marriage

Sunday night was an exciting evening.  Why?  I found out right before I left for church that I was going to need to teach.  I’ve had several of my leaders teach Sunday nights for me.  I try to have someone else teaching on the second Sunday of each month.  This weekend was to be Dan Sherman’s lesson, but he got very sick and was unable to.  So, without studying, I got to teach on marriage.  To be fair, I’ve been a student of good marriages my whole life.  My parents’ marriage is great.  My dad taught me how to be a good husband.  My marriage is wonderful.  It is one thing I do really well, and we’ve been crazy in love for a long time.  We’re doing it right.  So I’ve studied, but I didn’t study to teach.

Now, why would I be teaching on marriage at youth group?  Marriage is a wonderful gift that is all over the Bible; it is a picture of our relationship with God; and it can really enhance or ruin a life, depending on how it is done.  The kids are not getting married shortly, but many of them hope to some day.  It’s important to see what good relationships look like, because it has practical application in dating life.  Good dating relationships can lead to good marriages.  Treating your significant other poorly throughout your dating relationship will not lead to a good marriage.  Of course, there are exceptions, but those are generally good rules.

Your next good question might be, “What does this have to do with beauty and the value of women?”  That is a good question.  We looked first at Genesis 2 and Adam’s reaction to Eve.  He was excited, because this was awesome!  Adam immediately knew the value of Eve.  We established quickly and Biblically the definition and formula for marriage and headed right to Ephesians 5, so we could define properly the roles of each spouse.

Men have traditionally loved Ephesians 5, because it uses the s word.  Yes, that word: submit.  I have heard Ephesians 5:22-24 a lot more than I have the next verses.  The next verses command the husband to love his wife, though, like Christ loved the church and gave Himself for it.  Here are a few quick facts about Jesus' leadership of the church:

• He was a servant leader (Philippians 2, John 13).


• He gave all He had (John 19, or the whole of the Gospels and several other references throughout the NT).


• He didn't force anyone to follow Him (see Peter, Judas, the Pharisees, or us many times).


• He loved us first with a love so compelling that we love Him in return (that's the whole Bible.  I'll give you a year to read it.).

So what does submission look like in our relationship with Jesus?  Well, I know for me, I follow Jesus and submit to His will, because I know He loves me, and I trust that He has my best interest at heart.  I see what He has done for me, and I can't not love Him.  His love is proactive; my love is reactive.  I submit to Him, because His love compels me to.  Then what should submission look like in marriage?  I think it's my job, as a husband, to love Sarah and always put her best interest first.  I believe it is my job to serve her, to give to her, and to show my love for her in a manner so compelling that she cannot help but love me and follow me.  If I never have any intention of leading her somewhere that will be bad for her and only good for me, she will not have trouble submitting or following.  Submission has nothing to do with my wife serving me or obeying my bully commandments.  According to 1 Corinthians 13, if I love her, that's not how I'm going to roll, anyway.  It has to do with following my lead as I follow Christ's lead.

The obvious problem lies in people not reading Ephesians 5:21 before they get to Ephesians 5:22.  "Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ."  So it is the wife's job to submit, but the husband's supposed to be doing that, too.

who's walking your child down the aisle?

Much of our wedding is a blur to me.  It all happened so fast, and it happened nine years ago.  Everything flew by, except for one moment.  There was one moment when time stopped, and it was  when Sarah stepped to the door and came into view.  There she was, absolutely beautiful – not because she was all done up for our wedding, but because she is - standing with her dad.  The dress did not make her look beautiful; she made the dress worth looking at.

The music changed to Canon in D, and they began walking down the aisle towards me.  As they got closer, I could see that I wasn’t the only one in tears over this moment.  Sarah’s dad had tears streaming down his face: tears of pride, tears of love, and maybe even Tears for Fears.  Our pastor began to talk, and he came around to one of the most important questions of the day: “Who gives this daughter to be married to this man.”  Sarah's dad answered, “Her mother and I.”

I would compare a father walking his daughter down the aisle to parents teaching their children the things of God.  When a person places his faith in Jesus Christ, he becomes a part of a wedding ceremony, where Jesus Christ, the Bridegroom, receives His bride, the church.  Before a bride can marry her groom, she must get down the aisle.  Before a child will accept Jesus as his Savior, he will need to learn about Jesus.  At the end of each action is the moment when someone places the child’s hand into the hand of another.

What earns a person the right to walk a child down the aisle?  Merely being biologically involved in the conception of the child does not qualify a person to take place in a wedding ceremony.  A father – or a grandfather, an uncle, a mentor, etc. – earns his place by being actively involved in his daughter’s life.  He earns it by loving her, by taking part in raising her and teaching her how to be an adult.  It is unfortunate that there are times when a surrogate is required, because the father has chosen to be absent in the raising of his children.  He had his fun and left.  It is sad that another man would have the opportunity to make the most profound masculine impact on another person’s daughter.

It is also sad when a person makes the most profound spiritual impact on someone else’s child.  I pray that as soon as he understands, Jakob will place his faith in Jesus Christ, and I will be certain to be involved in this process.  Sarah and I refuse to allow someone else to be the number one spiritual influence on him.  When he walks the aisle to join Jesus, it will be because we held his hand and led him there.

Do you want your child to find his way down the aisle by himself?  Do you want someone else to have to lead him there?  Or, do you want to do what it takes to be the one to walk your own child down the aisle to meet Jesus?

 

What I pray for Jakob

I put effort into not saying the exact same thing every night that I pray for Jakob.  It takes effort, because I pray for generally the same things each night, but I don't want it to hold as much meaning as a script.  Jesus warned against using vain repetitions when teaching us how to pray.  I think, to an extent, we can cheapen the words we use with God.  I'll go out on a limb here and suggest that God probably doesn't wipe tears from his anthropomorphic eyes every time He hears "The Lord's Prayer."  He never told us to pray that prayer constantly.  He said to pray "in this manner," which is tantamount to saying, "like this."  It is a format, not a script. When we choose rather to blurt out a script to God than to have a conversation with Him, I think we miss the meaning of prayer.  I feel strongly about this, and I have for a long time, so I make it a point not to teach Jakob to pray this way.

I do have a basic format for my prayer over Jakob, though, and the first part comes from Numbers 6:24-26.  This is the blessing that God instructed Moses to instruct Aaron and his sons to pray over the people of Israel.  Most nights, Sarah reads him his Bible, and then I pray with him.  That's our standard pattern, but sometimes we switch it up, or if one of us isn't feeling well, the other will do both things.

In not so many words, I pray over Jakob and ask God the following things:

• Bless him.  Bless his life abundantly.  Help us to be a blessing to him.


• Keep him.  Do not let him stray from You.  Help us to teach him to follow You.


• Make Your face to shine upon him.  Make him prosperous in everything he sets his mind to, and help him to be more financially sound than I have been.


• Give him peace.  Help him to have the peace of God in his life, and help him to have peace tonight as he sleeps.


• Please give him an awesome wife like You have given me. (When Sarah prays over him, she leaves this out.)


• Above all, please draw him to You.  Please allow him the opportunity to accept your Son as Savior at the earliest age possible.

Then I tell him that I love him.  I give him a tight hug, a kiss goodnight, and I tuck him in.

Do you pray over your kids before bed?  What things do find yourself praying for?

beautiful: the virtue of women

We started a new series on Sunday.  The title of this post is the title of the series.  We'll be looking at the value God has placed on women and how that should effect how men and women act.  Having known women all of my life, I feel qualified to teach this series.  Actually, it's easy for me to talk about what a virtuous woman is, having been raised by one and being blessed enough to be married to one, as well.  I'll post the slides and the notes that go with each slide.  Enjoy, or don't, or land somewhere in the middle.  Those are your choices. 

 

We talked about the stereotypes that dictate the answers to these questions.  We also talked about the stereotypes of how men and women are.  In short, Men are not bumbling idiots that need rescuing by a good woman.  God created men to lead their families spiritually.  Do you think He would give that assignment to an idiot?  Just the same, women were not created to be eye candy.  God didn’t make them for the purpose of serving men.  God created them the be beautiful, to be virtuous, to be great.

Beauty is more than an external feature.  There is obviously outward beauty, but there is far more than than.  I talked about what drew and draws me to Sarah, besides her good looks, of course.

Women are excellent.  I asked what makes a person excellent to them.  I had already talked about what I consider excellent, which are the things that drew me to Sarah.

The value of an individual is intrinsic, because God made us that way.

Mankind is uniquely special, because God hand formed him and breathed His very breath into his lungs.  The term “breath of life” has greater implications than simply oxygen.  It was at this moment that God imparted a soul to man.  No animal has that.  That is beautiful.  It makes us valuable.  I also quoted a portion from our wedding ceremony: "Woman is twice refined.  Man was refined from the dirt, but woman is twice refined, because she was made out of man."

A counterpart is the corresponding part.  To correspond is to suit, to be equal with, to be adequately proportioned.  Another quote from our wedding ceremony: "She was taken out of man’s side, to stand beside him.  God did not take her from his head, to rule over him, and not from his feet, to be walked on."

ASV: "A worthy woman who can find? For her price is far above rubies."  The Hebrew word indicates value, strength, capability, substance, worth.  I ended with the following challenges:

Ladies: girls are easy to find.  They are everywhere.  There are more of you than there are of us.  But a virtuous woman?  That’s a tough find.  That is worth looking for.  Many people spend way too much time trying to fix their looks to meet up with society’s standards.  Let’s face it.  We cannot choose what we look like.  We can go to extreme measures to cover up our looks, but God created us the way He wants us to look.  You can choose virtue, though.  You can choose beauty.  You can choose your own worth.  No man has the right to define that for you.

Gentlemen: The value of a virtuous woman is far greater than precious stones.  They are not easy to come by, and they are not to be used and discarded.  They are to be treated with the value that God has placed on them, not the value that you would choose to place on them.  They are His daughters.  They are His work.  They are His prize.  Be careful.

This weekend, Dan Sherman will be teaching on marriage.  It definitely relates to the value, virtue, and beauty of women.  Just wait.  You'll see.

 

getting angry with God

I think most Christians have, at one time or another, been angry at God.  I’m not sure they realize they are angry at Him when they are, though.  I base this completely on my experience, so I could be wrong.  It may be different for everyone else, but many times when I listen to another Christian talk, and I recognize they are angry at God, it sounds like they don’t know it.  At the very least, many would not openly admit it.

After Sarah was injured in our car accident in 2002, I was a walking explosive.  It didn’t take much to set me off.  Sarah found it embarrassing for people to watch her transfer from the car to her wheelchair, so I got really angry every time someone watched.  Of course, elderly people are always suspicious of teenage-looking people parking in handicap spots, so they constantly stared.  My response?  I would fold my arms, stare right into their car and talk angrily at them.  They tended to stop watching.  A few continued watching, finding great relief when they realized Sarah was injured and not stealing a spot.  That made me even angrier.

I’ve never been a fist fight guy, but my anger had escalated to the point that when I saw someone mimicking Sarah’s walking while she was still quite new to walking again, I offered to fight him and his two friends.  I made it clear that I would throw down with all three of them, and I was going to be the only one walking away from it.  I was sincere, and they believed me, and they took a pass on my invitation.  It was completely out of character for me, but on that day, and in that time in my life, it was who I had become.

Now, I had all kinds of faith.  I truly believed Sarah would walk again.  She was actually walking by the time that last story happened, which you must have inferred from my saying, “…mimicking Sarah’s walking…”  You are smart like that.  Still, I was an angry person.  Was I mad at God?  Not if you asked me back then.  I wasn’t mad at God.  I was just mad at the situation.  I was just mad at life.  I was just mad.

In looking back at that time in life, I can recognize now that I was so angry at God.  Deep down, I was so angry at what He had allowed to happen in our lives.  I was angry that Sarah was hurt.  What I didn’t realize for a long time, though, is that I was most angry that I was not in control.  I had this perception of control in my life.  I had a great wife, a great job, and I was on my way to doing what I really wanted to do with my life.  I had it figured out, and I was making it happen.  Then something else happened entirely.  Life wasn’t going so great, and I couldn’t change it.  I didn’t have the power to change anything.  I had no control, and that was the scariest thing in the world to me.

I remember a particular moment when I was in a heated discussion with God – more like heatedly talking at God – about how Sarah just had to be healed.  I was face down on the ground in our living room crying and praying.  I felt God telling me to get my Bible and read Job 38, so I did.  Here’s what I read:

“Brace yourself like a man; I will question you, and you shall answer me.  “Then the LORD spoke to Job out of the storm. He said: “Who is this that obscures my plans with words without knowledge? Where were you when I laid the earth’s foundation?  Tell me, if you understand. Who marked off its dimensions? Surely you know!     Who stretched a measuring line across it?  On what were its footings set, or who laid its cornerstone— while the morning stars sang together and all the angels shouted for joy?”  I read on, but I dwelt on the first words.  Who was I to question God’s plans?  I thought I was saying all the right things, but I lacked knowledge.  I don’t know how any of this works, but I was daring to question God, Who does, on how He does His job.

I laid there for a while more, still crying, but not in anger.  I cried in shame.  I had no right to be angry and question God.  His thoughts are higher than my thoughts, and His ways are higher than my ways.  Shame on me for asking “How dare You?”  How dare I?  I wish I could say that I learned my lesson so well that it never happened again, but I didn’t.  I’ve been angry with God since.  He always tells me to brace myself like a man and listen up.

the things that scare me

I'm not too big to be scared.  Shoot, I'm barely too big to play in the play land at McDonald's.  The things that scare me, though, go way back to my childhood, and the reason they scare me may not be what you think.

Clowns
I find clowns scary, because I saw an evil depiction of one in a movie when I was a little kid.  No, it wasn't It. It was this scene that did me in.  I've been afraid ever since.  I am highly suspicious of all clowns now.

Ventriloquist Dummies
My fears were first realized when an evangelist held a dummy on his lap that told me about Hell.  Great idea!  My fears were confirmed when I read Night of the Living Dummy.  Much like the Frog brothers saw vampire comics as survival manuals, I think Night of the Living Dummy is based on true events and can save your life.

Mr. No-good
You may not know who this is, but you've seen him.  You may not have even known he had a name, but he did, or at least my mom gave him a name.  I found out it was a made up name when I told Sarah about my horrible nightmare featuring Mr. No-good when I was a child.  Who is he?  None other than the man on many neighborhood watch signs.
Kidnappers
It doesn't seem like I would still be afraid of this, but my behavior betrays me.  When I take garbage out after dark, I run back inside.  If I am leaving a basement, I always run up the stairs.  There is no thought process involved; it's just an impulse.  But why should I fear kidnappers more than anyone else?  I'll tell you why.  My mom.  She's never kidnapped anyone, but she did tell me often that I was a prime target.  I was a tiny little kid with blond hair, blue eyes, and fair skin.  According to my mom, this made me just the kind of kid a pedophile would kidnap.  I didn't even know what a pedophile was, but my mom wanted me to know the severity of this topic, so she scared me out of my mind with I Know my First Name is Steven.  How old was I when it hit the small screen?  Seven.  I watched it at seven.  I'm still waiting for Mr. No-good to kidnap me.

Other milder fears include spiders, big dogs, wetting myself, and going bald.  It appears as though my list of mild fears will all be realized by the time I'm 30.

Happy Halloween.

who are you following?

I was really looking forward to teaching on the Rapture at youth group yesterday.  I was planning on it since early August.  What's more fun than teaching eschatalogical positions to teenagers?  That's right!  Studying the two other positions on the Rapture that differed from what I was originally taught, and therefore had never been looked at too closely.  But alas, God was not with this lesson.  I may reprise it later.  I really want to figure out where it belongs in my Spring teaching.  I felt Him pushing me last weekend to switch it, which is pretty cool, because that meant He was giving me a whole week to write my other lesson!

I had my lesson finished by Thursday.  I looked over it and felt like something was missing.  I was teaching on why we come to church, what we should be focusing on when we come to church, and the error we make when we allow someone else to supplant Jesus in our lives.  We looked at the story of Jesus' Transfiguration, where a select few of His disciples were present.  Then, all of a sudden, Moses and Elijah appear.  As it said in the story, Peter didn't know what to say, so he said the dumbest thing possible.  I, of course, can relate to this.  So can you.  Don't pretend you can't.  Anyway, he suggests that there be three memorials built: one for Jesus, one for Moses, and one for Elijah.  God the Father chimes in at this moment, because He doesn't want anyone putting anybody else on par with His Son.  He said, "This is my dearly beloved son.  Listen to Him."

I knew where I wanted to go with the this part, but I didn't have a good story to tell about it.  Then I visited The Edge Urban Fellowship on Saturday night, where I stood out like a sore thumb.  They have two pastors there, who took turns giving parts of the message.  Donny was talking about how early in his walk with Christ, his dad was the one leading him in his Christian life (a great thing for his dad to do, of course).  His dad passed away, though, and he went off the deep end back into sin.  Looking back, he realizes, his loyalty wasn't to Jesus at all, but to his dad.  That's a big mistake that I think many of us make, and I used this story to make the point more strongly.

I talked about how commonly we make this error without even thinking about it.  This was the most fun part of the lesson, too, because a sixth grade boy wasn't paying close enough attention to hear what I really said.  I said, "I love working for and with Pastor Dave.  He's awesome, but if he turned in his resignation next week, I would not quit my job."  I'm not quite sure what he heard, but he quickly blurted out, "Wait!  What?"  I then clarified that no one was planning to quit their job next week.  It was pretty funny at the moment, but perhaps less so today as you read it.  After everyone stopped laughing at this crazy moment, I finished and challenged the students not to follow other people so closely.

I ended challenging the students not to follow anyone as though they were God Himself.  When your friends want you to do something, and it conflicts with what God says, you go with God.  Doing otherwise is to seat your friends in God's seat.  If I, as their youth pastor, were to teach them something that is clearly contrary to the Word of God, they should listen to God and feel free to call me on it.  It doesn't matter who it is.  Choose God's Word.  If you choose someone else's words over God's, you have made it clear that you follow that person, not God.  That's a mistake.  Listen to Him.

standing in the fire

Many of us would avoid the fires in life if we could.  If you asked me today if I wanted hardship tomorrow, I would decline your offer.  I say that even knowing the benefit of it.  I've been in the fire before, and I have always come out better than I went in.  Every impossible situation God has allowed me to be in - or even directly placed me in - has shaped me into who I am now.  I did not enjoy the heat of the fire while I stood in it, and I don't think I have the chutzpah to choose to stand in it again, but it does have significant value.  Fires reveal the true measure of our faith, and they give us an unrivaled opportunity to see that God is indeed there.

In Daniel 3, Hananiah, Mishael, and Azariah found their faith put to the test.  I know, you call them Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego, but I will stick with their Hebrew names.  Deal?  Okay, back to the action.  They were required to bow to a statue of King Nebuchadnezzar, but they declined.  They would not bow to any other than God.  In faith, they told Nebuchadnezzar that God was able to deliver them from the fiery furnace, if he chose to throw them in there.  They believed that He could and that He would deliver them.  Now, they did go into the furnace.  They were in the fire.  Who did they see?  God Himself (or Jesus, as it would have had to have been, Who I know is God, but I wanted to distinguish between He and God the Father).

Two things stand out to me in the story.  First of all, their faith was validated.  Had they not been thrown into the fire, they may have had a sense of relief and a vague sense of God's intervention, but they would not have had something tangible to point to and glorify God with.  The second thing is that God was there, and He was revealed to them, but He was only visible to them once they were in the fire.

It is important for us to allow ourselves to go through fiery trials, for it may be in the very fire we fear that we come face to face with God.

 

be still

Be still.
Be quiet.
Be silent.
Stop moving.
Stop fighting.
Stop ignoring.

God keeps bringing me back to Psalm 46.  I cannot tell you how many times I have read it in the last month, but it has been pert near every day.

But why?  Why does He keep making me read this.  It has consumed my devotions.  It has consumed my mind.  I think of it as I go to sleep, and it is still there when I wake up.  Why?

Because I am not good at being still.  I cannot sit still most of the time.  I struggle to still my mind.  He wants my attention - when I read, when I pray, throughout my day - but I struggle to stop thinking of conversations, details, scenarios.  My mind drifts to things that make me happy, things that make me sad, people that make me angry, and what I want to do about all of those things.

I need to be still.  I need silence.  I need solace.
I need to empty my mind, so I can empty my heart to Him.
I need to stop talking to God, so I can listen to Him.
I need to cast all of my cares on Him.
That means no more worrying about finances, no more worrying about defending myself, no more worrying about what others do.  I can't waste another minute on the things I cannot control.  Whatever is nagging at me belongs to Him.  The less time I spend worrying, the more time I can spend accomplishing the things God wants me to do.

Be still.  Be silent.  Listen and hear.  Watch and see.

Psalm 46

For the director of music. Of the Sons of Korah. According to Alamoth. A song. ^[a]

¹ God is our refuge and strength,
an ever-present help in trouble.

² Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way
and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea,

³ though its waters roar and foam
and the mountains quake with their surging.
Selah

⁴ There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God,
the holy place where the Most High dwells.

⁵ God is within her, she will not fall;
God will help her at break of day.

⁶ Nations are in uproar, kingdoms fall;
he lifts his voice, the earth melts.

⁷ The LORD Almighty is with us;
the God of Jacob is our fortress.
Selah

⁸ Come and see the works of the LORD,
the desolations he has brought on the earth.

⁹ He makes wars cease to the ends of the earth;
he breaks the bow and shatters the spear,
he burns the shields ^[b] with fire.

¹⁰ "Be still, and know that I am God;
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth."

¹¹ The LORD Almighty is with us;
the God of Jacob is our fortress.
Selah

[youtube=http://youtube.com/watch?v=rEnriY1sg6U]

what really used to make me angry

I've always liked lyrics to be explicit - not explicit in the Eminem sense, but I like to know exactly what the singer is talking about.  I don't like using my imagination when I listen to music.  It's all I can do to understand all of the lyrics and not botch them when I'm singing alone or with my wife in the car.  She has caught me many times singing the wrong words, and she has laughed at me every time.  So I don't need to be figuring things out.

What used to really burn me up inside was when I would listen to a Christian rock song, and I knew they were talking about God, but it seemed vague enough that others may not get it.  I was quite judgmental over this issue, but that was a direct result of being judgmental about all secular music (and all other things), as well.  I decided as a young, misguided pharisee that listening to any form of secular music was a sin, and I wasn't bashful about telling you (especially if you were my brother Dan).  I will admit, though, to having had a secret admiration for Roy Orbison, even if he is lame.  On a side note, I actually saw a Roy Orbison bumper sticker on the way home from church on Sunday.

Now it doesn't really upset me.  A lot of things no longer upset me that used to.  You know what really helped me turn the corner, though?  I went to a concert.  I went to see Kutless, whose lyrics are unabashedly about God.  A band that I wasn't quite sure about at the time opened for them.  The band was Thousand Foot Krutch - who I am excited to be seeing on 10/17! - and the reason I was unsure was because they seemed to keep it purposely vague.  They seemed to have more fans than Kutless, which I immediately attributed to their watered down lyrics.  Of course people like them, because they never say anything.  Then their lead singer did say something.  He gave one of the most heartfelt, compelling versions of the Gospel I had heard in a long time.  He prayed, teenagers prayed, people accepted Jesus, and my Pharisaic heart of stone was broken.

They were reaching people who I wasn't going to reach as an uptight youth pastor's intern.

One last side note: happy one year anniversary to me!  Today is exactly one year since I started on staff at KCC.  How am I spending it?  Well, I'm having an appreciation dinner and meeting with my children's ministry staff.  What else would I do to celebrate a great year than spend it with many of the people who helped to make it great?

alien invasion

In October, we'll be doing an alien themed series in YG.  We start on the premise that by definition Jesus is the Ultimate Extraterrestrial (one operating and existing outside of earth and its atmosphere).  This week, we did "Alien Invasion" (the incarnation of Jesus), next week, we'll do "Alien Inception" (salvation),and on the 24th, we'll do "Alien Abduction" (the rapture).  Below are the slides from this weeks lessons.







Jesus had divine attributes that He gave up while He was on earth.  What sorts of things do you think He gave up?  Omnipresence (He was only ever in one place at a time), omnipotence (He acknowledged before going to the cross that His physical body was weak.  His miracles were done through the HS, as He was enabled by God to bring Him glory), and omniscience (didn’t know when He would return, but only the Father knew) for starters.  He gave up His inability to be in the presence of sin, as we see that He took our sin upon Himself.

What attributes did He retain?  Impeccability (there was no way He could sin), thus maintaining His perfection/holiness, Godly love, authority



Grasped – He was equal with God, so He did not see as it as a concept that needed grasping.  It was His reality.



Therefore, He is extraterrestrial, because He existed and occurred outside of earth and its atmosphere



The fancy term for Jesus’ taking on flesh is “incarnation.”  That is why He is referred to as God Incarnate, because He is God in the flesh or God with skin.



Discovery, conquest, necessity?



Jesus came to provide light.  It says earlier in the chapter that the world was in darkness.  The darkness is courtesy of our sin, and it kept us from being able to see God.

He came to provide us with grace and truth.



Yes, Jesus came to provide light and the only way to God Himself, but He also came to provide an example for us.  What was that example?

He came to teach us how to put others before ourselves.  He showed us that we should love in such a way that we always put others first, no matter the cost.

Based on your life, did He invade in vain?

the greatest pastors I've ever learned from

Today is October 1.  You may not have known this, but October is Pastor Appreciation Month.  Since I know you are all so grateful, I will just go ahead and say, “You’re welcome.”

I want to take today, the first day of this great month, to talk about the greatest pastors I have ever learned from.  I know what you’re thinking already.  “He’s sucking up to Dave and Todd.”  They’re great guys, and I am very appreciative for what I have learned from them over this last year – or I should say what will be a year in 5 days – and I look forward to what I will continue to learn from them as we continue to work together and sharpen each other.  They are not the subject of today, though.

The greatest pastors I have ever learned from are John and Bev.  They are a couple that has been married for 41 years.  They have been in full time ministry for 37 of those years, although they have never collected a paycheck for their work.  Their work is endless, tireless, and regretfully for me, it has at times been thankless.  They will never retire, and their impact will continue well past the day when God calls them home.

They are my parents.  They are my heroes.  They are my pastors.  They trained me the way Proverbs 22:6 instructed them.  They taught me to love God with all that I am like Deuteronomy 6:6-7 instructed them.  They showed me what it looks like to pastor my own family, and that is why their ministry will continue on.  I want to pastor Jakob with my Godly wife Sarah.  I want us to train him in the way, teach him to love God, and prepare him to be the greatest pastor our grandchildren will ever know.

Happy Pastor Appreciation month.  Please be sure to encourage your pastors, wherever you attend.

just the way she is

I heard this song for the first time this week.  It reminds me of Sarah, and not just because she's the one that showed me the video.  Pretty much every lyric could be said by me to her, but it wouldn't sound as smooth, because I'm not Bruno Mars.  My lacking of singing doesn't diminish her beauty, though.

PSA: It's not just a parking lot

I'm going to go ahead and do a Public Service Announcement today.  You might read it and think it's a rant of sorts, but trust me, it is for your own good and the good of everyone, so it's really more like a PSA.

It is important to remember, when driving through a parking lot, that you should still drive like someone with some sense.  There are usually just as many people in parking lots as there are on roads.  Do you know the difference between the people in parking lots versus people on the road?  In the parking lot, many of them are walking to/from their cars.  They are not protected by big pieces of metal and the airbags within.  You should probably be even more careful when driving near pedestrians.  Don't you think?

This morning, I was walking out of a store and to my car.  The person on my left stopped at the stop sign, because she's smart.  The person to my right wasn't there when I looked the first time.  Then she was, because she blew one stop sign as she was coming around a curve.  I kept walking, because I was already to where she would hit me.  There was no point in stopping in front of her.  I noticed, however, that she was not slowing down.  She was accelerating.  I took it personally at first, but as she drew closer (much, much closer) I saw that she was texting and not even looking up.  She didn't know I was there.  The reason she didn't hit me was not because she looked up, saw me, and avoided me.  The reason I was not hit is because I have cat like speed and reflexes, much like Tommy Boy.  I quickly picked up my speed and avoided being hit by a closer margin than I prefer.  I can't say for sure, because my vision and memory are blurred by anger, annoyance, and relief, but if I had to guess, I would say it was within three feet.  The distance was close enough that had I not run, I wouldn't be typing right now.  I'd be sitting in the ER.

I have noticed that a lot of people do not drive in parking lots like they do on the road.  Most do get slower and more cautious, but there are some that do not.  I see so many people - usually they are very young - who treat a parking lot like a timed obstacle course.  They whip their cars to the right, to the left, weaving back and forth and ignoring traffic signs at high speeds.  I think there is a misconception that driving fast in parking lots makes you cool.  After all, there are more pedestrians to witness how fast you can drive, and that must be cool!  The other thing I see is that a lot of people text while driving in parking lots.  You can't do it on the roads anymore in Michigan (not that you should have been when it wasn't specifically banned), because you might get caught and fined $100, but it's okay to do in parking lots.  Right?  I mean, what can it hurt?  Oh yeah, me and a lot of other people.

They are not just parking lots.  They are more like hug pedestrian crosswalks with a place for you to put your car.  Please don't be stupid while driving through them (or anywhere).  Thank you.

I couldn't let go, and neither can He

One week ago today, Sarah and I stayed at her Aunt Sue’s house, because we wanted to get up at 4:00 AM, as opposed to 3:15 AM.  I was headed to Dallas, but not before I stopped in Baltimore and Atlanta.

Her house is not baby proofed.  So while Sarah was getting ready for bed, I was ruining Jakob’s life.  He was squirming and fighting to get away from me.  Aunt Sue has this awesome fan that we use whenever we stay there, and it is not baby safe.  The cover that goes over the fan has a little bit wider grating on it, so a little guy like Jakob can fit his fingers in there.  That is exactly what he wanted to do, but I could not let him.  I looked him in the eyes, and he looked back at me.  Tears were pouring out of his, and he looked so hurt by my not letting go.

I was getting very upset with his behavior, because it was getting late.  Then I had a great idea: Mickey Mouse Clubhouse.  I have an episode on my computer that I downloaded from iTunes.  I turned it on, and he settled down.  The muscles in his arms and shoulders lost their tension, and he scooted up into my arms.  He laid down right by me with a big grin on his face.

I wasn’t rewarding his defiance, because I did not give him what he wanted.  I did not let him do something that would have hurt him.  But I do love him, and I wanted to give him something to do instead that would benefit him without hurting him.  I held him when he wanted to get away, which made him cry, because I love him.  I held him while he watched Mickey mouse, which made him smile, because I love him.  I held him while he slept – when he didn’t even know I was there caring for him – because I love him.

As I stood and worshipped at the D6 Conference, the words of the song, “You Never Let Go,” started tugging at my heart.  The words, “Oh, no, You never let go, through the calm and through the storm.  Oh, no, You never let go, in every high and every low.  Oh, no, you never let go.  Lord, You never let go of me,” resounded in my heart.  It wasn’t that I was thinking, “Hey, I was a lot like God last night.”  What ran through my head was, “Man, sometimes I’m just like Jakob, and he’s a baby.  But I know better.”

He holds on.  Though I put up a fight sometimes, He holds on tightly to keep me from hurting myself.  Sometimes I cling to Him, and He holds me.  Other times, He holds me and cares for me and protects me from unforeseen harm, and although I don’t always know that He’s working to protect me from this or that, He does it, because He loves me.

He never lets go, no matter what.  He never lets go, because He loves me.  I love You, too.

Pranked #1 - what I feel is more valid than the Bible

We started talking about pranks the Devil pulls last night.  The first one we covered was the idea that what we feel is somehow more valid and supersedes what the Bible says.  It's a prevalent notion.  I've heard it a lot.  I've had times where I questioned what was right, because my emotions got in the way, or at the very least, I allowed my emotions (mostly anger) to lead me to knowingly sin, but I justified it with circumstances.  I think I'll just post the slides, because those cover much of my lesson.

if looks were everything...

...Jakob would be your once and future king.

Exactly one year ago, at the same time this post is being published, the world was made better by the birth of Jakob Israel Selph.  I still remember meeting him for the first time.  I remember holding him for the first time, the first time I fed him, the day we brought him home, and so many other moments.  I cannot tell you all of them, although you've probably heard many of them if you follow me on twitter or facebook.

Sarah and I love Jakob.  We love him like I never knew we could, in a way we never understood before now.  Every time he does something new, we are so proud of him, and every time he shows blatant defiance, we forgive and continue to love him.  Knowing that God is a better Dad than me, and knowing how much I love and care for Jakob, I feel pretty good about my own future.

Happy birthday, Bubs.  Thank you for the best year of our lives.  We love you.

back to school tips

Today is the day that many of the kids from our church go back to school.  Some have been bored since the second week of Summer vacation and are ready to go back.  Others have fully enjoyed their break and will be bored in about two hours.  Some people love school, and some people love staying home (some are home schooled and get to enjoy both).  I stopped enjoying school sometime during the 7th grade, so I do not envy the students.  I disliked it from that time all the way through completing my Bachelor's degree, and that's not because I struggle in school.  I do well, but I do not enjoy everything I am good at (i.e. sales).  Although I don't enjoy school, I plan to return myself in October.  The only positive party of my schooling will be that I'm going to be doing correspondence courses only, which means I will operate on my own schedule and work in my pajamas.  I guess working from home also means I don't need the handy tips provided in this handy tutorial:



Hopefully you will follow this timely advice.  Of course, you cannot set your outfit out the night before, because that was last night.  I'm sorry for my tardiness.  Two more tardies, and I'm off to detention.  Yikes.

Maybe you're not looking forward to school today.  Well, I have something for you to look forward to tonight: the Mickey Mouse Clubhouse special, Road Rally, is on tonight at 7 PM.  What could make you feel better than that?

Good luck to all of you students and parents today!

a good ending to a scary story

Sarah, Jakob, and I went to Florida for vacation a few weeks ago.  The week started out great with a stellar car-riding performance by Jakob on our way down, and the good times continued on right through the week.  The ride home, however, was not so great.  I don't blame Jakob, who increased his fuss time by 40 minutes or so, because really, less than one hour of fussing during a combined 42 hours of time in the car is amazing.  I blame the bad drive home on what happened just south of Atlanta.

I was driving on I-75 North, half an hour south of Atlanta.  Sarah was asleep in the passenger seat, and Jakob was snoozing in his car seat.  There were four lanes on my side of the highway, and I was in the second lane from the left.  I was aggravated for a couple of miles, because a lady in a Kia Sorrento tailgated closely enough that I could see the annoyed look she had on her face.  I've never liked being tailgated, and I appreciate it much less so now that I have the greatest child ever in the backseat.  Now, having a bit of the ADD, my eyes are always bouncing when I'm driving: front, side mirrors, rear view mirror, repeat, over and over and over.  Where it may inhibit me in other settings, my active eyes and mind help me see a lot on the road.

I was mildly amused, as my eyes bounced back-and-forth, that there were cars shooting past us on both sides.  There really wasn't anywhere for the annoying lady to go, so her trip would just be impeded by what she viewed as my ridiculously slow speed.  She, too, was diligently checking her mirrors, sighing in frustration, and hitting her steering wheel.  I made her day.  I saw a white BMW coming up on our right; she did not.  She started to merge into the lane next to us, and the BMW driver had to slam on her brakes.  That is not the only thing she had to do to avoid hitting the lady in the Kia.  She also had to switch lanes, to the far right lane, but there was a semi going slower than everyone else around in that lane.  She only had one choice to avoid impact: go off the road.  So off the road she went.  I saw her hit the grass going pretty fast, and then the car disappeared from sight, because there was some sort of drop off.  Between me and the BMW at the time is this Kia.  I saw the BMW go down, and I looked right at the driver of the Kia, whose mouth was agape.  She slammed on her brakes.  There was indecision on her face.  Then she made up her mind: she floored it.

A semi and a pick up truck both immediately pulled over the check on the driver of the BMW.  I couldn't get there without causing my own accident, so I did something else.  I called 911 and went after the Kia.  The lady got off at the next exit, and I momentarily thought she was pulling off to recover and maybe call 911 herself, but she had no such scruples.  Instead, she made a left turn, followed by a quick right onto a road that ran parallel to I-75 at about 60 MPH.  She was a crafty one, but since I don't think she knew I was following her, she wasn't crafty enough.  I lost connection with the 911 operators 3 different times, but I kept calling back, giving them updates on where we were.  We drove for ten minutes before a police officer finally spotted us and came out after her.  He was a Lamar Country Sheriff.  He first went and talked to the driver of the Kia, and then he came back to me.  I was instructed by the operators to stay by the cop car in case he had questions.  He came back and told me that the incident had taken place in Monroe County, so he was not able to do anything.  He did assure me, however, that he would talk to her about being more careful.

I was very upset the rest of the car ride home, which had about fifteen hours left in it.  I was upset, because I thought the person in the BMW could have been seriously injured or dead.  I was upset, because I felt like the lady that ran the person off the road took off, was caught, and merely given a stern talking to.  I was also upset, because I felt like the police wasted thirty minutes of my time by letting her go.  I was mostly upset, because I was thinking about how no matter how safely I drove, Sarah and Jakob were still vulnerable, because I can't control the idiocy of others.  I have been bothered on and off about this for the last two weeks.  I have thought about it, dreamed about, and prayed about it.

Yesterday afternoon, I received a voice mail from a man in Georgia.  He got my name and phone number from the 911 call.  He started out by giving his name, telling me how he got my information, and telling me that his daughter was the driver of the BMW.  My stomach immediately turned over.  He didn't sound too old, so if his daughter was driving, my mind immediately decided she would be an older teenager.  I was relieved, however, by the statement immediately following: "...that was my BMW, and my daughter was driving.  She's okay.  She wasn't hurt."  What a relief!  He needed to talk to me about his insurance company, who needs to speak with me about what happened.  I can rest more easily tonight, because I know the person who I thought was seriously hurt or possibly dead is, in fact, just fine.  And although I'd been pretty aggravated for having felt my time was wasted that day, it turns out it was not.  My testimony to the insurance company will help out the family that owns the BMW.  Without it, the insurance company may not have covered the cost of fixing the car.  So the guy I spoke with today was extremely grateful for what he viewed as my selfless pursuit of justice.  I'm still not sure if it was selfless or selfish anger over what could have happened to us.  Either way, it all worked out, and the ending was much greater than the lead-in.

baggage wrap up

Chris Johnson taught youth group for the first time Sunday night.  That just gets me all fired up.  I'm not really the leader who wants to do everything.  I receive a lot of joy seeing my leaders excel as they stretch themselves and take on new things.  So Sunday night was big for me.  I loved it, and he really did a great job.

After Chris' lesson, I gave a mini lesson, as well.  It wasn't to reinforce his lesson, for it stood on its own, but rather to wrap up the series that we'd been working through for the Summer.  We finished Baggage by letting ours go with a cool little ceremony.  Below, you can watch Chris' lesson and our baggage releasing.

[vimeo http://vimeo.com/14589282]

[vimeo http://vimeo.com/14585821]

i bet God would like to smack His children, sometimes

The following post is written by Sarah.  You've heard of her, no?  If not, you have never had a conversation with me, read my blog, or surveyed my tweets.

something i've noticed as a parent is that Jakob loves to test me. he will go to do something he knows is wrong, and he will give me this sly look and a smile, as if to say "i know i shouldn't be doing this, but i know my big brown eyes and smile are my get-out-of-jail-free card".

puppy eyes

there is a metal tray [with 2 handles, on short legs <-- important details c:] on our end table which has 3 decorative balls, a metal cross, a red wooden plate, and a small vase on it. oh, and a small handful of black rocks. most of which, i've put elsewhere because someone likes to put said rocks into his mouth. ahh, teething. what Jakob views as a sanction to put the ok, the bad, and the ugly into his mouth.

alas.

anyway. i also am currently stashing a few writing utensils, gum, and a small pad of chartreuse, lined sticky notes in this tray - things that i used to keep in my purse. things he loves to play with, and is familiar with, since one of his proficiencies is rifling through my purse and throwing my pursey things on the floor. now, he doesn't know the difference, and i feel bad that there iS a difference, but the things on this metal tray are off limits. so i don't want him to throw these things onto the floor, and most likely, behind the couch. so when he goes to play with these things, i get after him. i sternly tell him no. many times. telling him no. giving him light swats on the leg. swats that, with the absence of my stern voice, have no effect on him. referring to the aforementioned sly look and smile, he knows that what he's doing is wrong for him; something he knows i do not want him to do. but why does he do it. not because he wants to get in trouble. not because he likes to be gotten after. not because he doesn't know any better. but because he can't fight the temptation. don't misunderstand. i'm not implying that my son is willfully sinning in front [or behind] me. but after 3 "no"s from mama to stop doing something he knows is something i don't want him to do, he is disobeying me. now, not in regards to the tray, of course, but he does not currently know that some of what he adventures to do, could hurt him. he does not yet understand danger. one of the freakiest parts of parenthood. he does not understand why i get after him, but he knows that he's in trouble. he knows that he shouldn't be doing whatever. but he can't resist.

i bet it totally frustrates God that we keep doing the same dumb things. that He tells us no, time after time, and sometimes has to smack us across the face [mind you, i do NOT, and never will do that to Jakob]. but the things we love the most, sometimes, are the things that can hurt us the most. the things that we fall into are the things that satan opens up and puts in front of us - knowing we'll jump right in. knowing that we'll go after it, time after time, even after our Father gets after us for it, for our own good.

but, really. you must understand it's so hard to punish ^ these ^ eyes.

our first i love you

"Never tell a girl you love her unless you intend to marry her." That was a piece of unsolicited advice my dad gave me when I was still too afraid of girls to even ask one on a date.  It is solid advice, too.  I hear a lot of "I love you's" exchanged by young couples - or at least, "I love him/her" - and although I believe the intention is good, I'm sure it is not the best thing to be saying.  To many, saying those words is the only way to verbally describe their affection for their boyfriend/girlfriend.    Then you see on facebook that this person went from being in a relationship to single, no longer with the one they loved with their whole heart, but do not lose hope, because in a week, their status will change back.  They'll have a new bf/gf, and they will love that person with all of their heart, too.  Apparently love is on clearance and worth less than it used to be.  It seems to be nothing more than cheap words offered anytime one might lack anything else to say.  And though saying, "I love you," to someone can be an easy, meaningless expression of your like, it often means a lot more to the person receiving the faux affection.  When you say it without meaning it and withdraw the statement at a later date, it hurts (so I hear.  I've never been dumped, because no one wanted to date weird old me until Sarah).  That is why my dad said it.  I vaguely remember him following this with a threat related to if we ever broke a girl's heart.  He meant it.

This line of thinking and upbringing had a direct effect on my dating relationship with Sarah.  No one threatened her about breaking my heart.  Therefore, she told me that she loved me not too long into our dating relationship.  It was on a Sunday afternoon, and we had only been dating for about a month.  We were at church, before service started, hanging out with our friends in the auditorium.  Yes, we were that cool and social.  I don't remember what instigated it, but Sarah looked right at me and said, "I love you."  Instincts told me to say, "I love you, too."  I wanted to say it.  My emotions told me it was okay, but my brain was in control at the moment.  It had been trained, and it was in control of what would be said if I opened my mouth.  It all went by so quickly, but it felt like an eternity of analysis and internal debate.  I had to hurry up and respond.  I couldn't just leave her hanging, so I blurted out my reply: "Thank you."  All of our friends heard it.  A hush swept over the crowd.  It was the single most rude exchange they had witnessed.  Would she slap me in the face?  Run out crying?  Break up with me on the spot?  I had considered all of those reactions during my internal debate, but I could not get myself to say what I should not say.  And guess what!  She was totally cool with it, albeit slightly confused and amused.

I have told Sarah many times since then that I love her.  I have meant it every time, and it is special every time.  You never get a redo on your firsts, though, and our first "I love you," was one-sided and met only with sincere gratitude.

howie hepter

My dad is a funny guy.  His humor can sometimes be inappropriate.  Therefore, I blame him for anything funny I've ever said that offends you.  I've inherited it.  My mom hasn't always been impressed with his jokes, and one could hardly blame her.  She left her full time job when my brother Steve was born to work full time as a stay at home mom.  She would spend 8 hours teaching us the right way to behave, and when Dad got home, he undid all of her hard work.  I anticipate frustrating Sarah in much the same way.

You might have picked up the fact that I am of Jewish heritage.  I get that from my mom's side.  My dad is primarily of German heritage, but not fully German, leaving me mostly Jewish.  This is a great combination and has lent itself to many inappropriate jokes on my dad's behalf.  I think all of his favorite jokes are anti-Semitic in nature, not because he doesn't love Jews, but because he loves hassling my mom just about more than anything in the whole world.  Mom just ignores him.  Although Mom is not offended, she is neither impressed nor amused by his jokes.

One of Dad's shining moments happened when my brother Dan and I were toddlers.  He thought it would be a good idea to teach us to throw our hand up in Nazi salute and say, "Heil Hitler!"  I was a family embarrassment.  At the age of 2, I could not get the words right.  I tried my best.  My hand would go up, but all that would come out of my mouth was, "Howie Hepter!"  I was a real let down, not for lack of effort.  Dan, however, had it down.  This might be the only arena in which he ever showed an advanced nature.  That's probably not true, but most of our childhood fights came from comments like this, so for old times sake, I must insinuate that I am smart and he is not.  He may punch me in the face when I see him next month as a result.  Anyway, Dan had it down.  As any child, he would randomly stand up and do what he knew was funny, seeking laughter of approval from onlooking adults.  What he knew was funny, though, wasn't funny in every situation...or neighborhood.

One day, my mom decided to pick up some delicious kosher treats from a Jewish delicatessen.  I know for sure that Dan was there.  I don't know if I was.  I would have been too young to remember the awesomeness that was about to occur.  So they are walking through the store, Dan sitting up in the front of the cart, when Dan decided it was time to invoke laughter from the adults.  He stood up in the cart, threw his hand in the air, and with perfect clarity shouted, "Heil Hitler!"  My mom immediately grabbed him and ran, crying, from the store.  As many times as I've heard the story, I've never heard anything about any of the Jewish people laughing.  And I thought we were supposed to be a people with a great sense of humor.

The story stands as one of my dad's crowning achievements.  He probably wasn't allowed to think it was funny for a while, but at this point, time and space have added to its level of funny.  Everyone in the family laughs at the story.  You know who is only hesitantly amused, though?  Sarah.  She's only hesitantly amused, because it's funny that it happened back then, but it won't be funny if it happens with her son in the next couple of years.  I mean, he already throws a wave that looks like a heil five, and that amuses both of us, but if he ever says those words, it will cease to amuse her.  I think he'll be okay with "howie hepter," since no one ever really knew what I was saying, but he can't say the mother of all HH salutes.

to Florida and back: a hobbit-ish guy's tale

We just returned from Jacksonville, FL, a place we have not visiting since moving away two years ago.  We lived there for four years, and I think I was too busy to realize how great it is there.  We saw a lot of friends we've missed, experienced some firsts for Jakob, melted a little bit in the heat, and visited our old church.   All in all, we had a great time.  I will merely give you the highlights, because the trip was a long one, full of great stuff, and I hardly remember it all.  It was a blur.

Exciting Stuff

We made the 18 hour drive down to Florida in 21 hours, with only 4 minutes of fussing from Jakob.  Not too shabby for an 11-month old baby on his first long car ride.

It was great living with Chadwick and Sarah (or as Jakob shall call them, "Uncle Chadcakes and Aunt Sarah") for the week.  It's been just over a year since we saw them last.  They put us up in the World Golf Village and stayed there, as well.

We spent our anniversary with many from our old youth group.  That was awesome and weird at the same time.  The senior high is entering college and the junior high have grown up so much.  Most that were shorter than me when I left have surpassed me.  One remains shorter than me.  They were locked in time in my brain, not having grown up at all, but reality hit me when we saw them.

When we lived in Florida, I had a shadow.  His name is Jackson.  He was in our youth group, a student at the school attached to the church, and at everything we ever organized.  That means I saw him more than I saw Sarah.  It seems we went everywhere together, always with me driving.  He just got a truck, though, so he gave me a ride to Wal-Mart, just like the good old days, just with the roles reversed.

Sarah and I got to have lunch with Shane and Karen.  I spent much of my work week with them while I was there, so it was awesome for me.  Shane came and visited us for his birthday last year, when we lived in Ohio.

Sarah bought me a new pair of Vans from the Vans outlet store.  I don't skate, but I select my shoes based on two criteria: I like the way they look, and they are wide enough for my wide feet.

We went to Gator's for all you can eat wings with the Lockleys and the Hotts, except the service was so slow that all I could eat was down from 30 to only 15.

Our last night there, we went to Moon River Pizza with the Lockleys, our good friends the Maynards, Daniel Spell (perhaps the most fun person ever to hassle), Bora and Lynn.  They have the best pizza I've ever had (sorry, Chris!).

Jakob's firsts

It was Jakob's first long car trip and first time in Florida.

He tried Chik-Fil-A and southern barbecue for the first time.  He's a big fan.

He had a song composed and performed (many times) for him by his Aunt Sarah.  I think it's called, "Best Friends."

Jakob's been saying," hi," and waving for about a month now.  He had not waved goodbye or said it before Friday morning.  Uncle Chadwick waved to him and said, "goodbye," and Jakob waved back.  As we were driving away to start our trek home, he was still waving and saying, "ba-ba.  ba-ba."

Scary Moments

I had two scary moments, both while driving, and both while Sarah was sleeping.  One happened on the way down, and one on the way up.  First, the scary moment on the way down.

I was on 77-S, in South Carolina, about 15 minutes from merging onto 26-E.  I was coming up on a semi, but I noticed him swerving a lot, so I stayed back some.  He was consistently drifting right, hitting the rumble strip, and then coming back.  Sometimes he would ride the rumble strip for several seconds at a time.  His driving was quite erratic, and I suspect he was drifting in and out of sleep.  I can't say for sure, but I kept my distance to be safe.  He got so close to the guard rail so many times, and I was worried about his losing control.  Being 2 AM, my theory seemed conceivable.  This wasn't as scary as the moment that happened on the way home, though.

We were headed back a different way that we came.  At about 4:30 PM, we were on 75-N, driving through Forsyth, GA.  The speed limit was 65.  I was in no hurry to get to Atlanta during rush hour, so I wasn't going much more than that.  Obviously, I stayed out of the left lane, because smart people do not drive in the left lane at slower speeds (5 over is a slower speed, in case you were wondering).  The lady in the Kia Sorento behind me didn't like that fact, so she tailgated me for a few miles.  She finally decided she should pass me, but she didn't check her blind spot.  As she was getting over to the right, a BMW was coming up her side.  He swerved to the next lane - the far right lane - to avoid contact with her.  Unfortunately, there was a semi there, and he didn't have time to stop.  He ended up going off the road into the grass, and then he disappeared.  He went down a grass hill and was gone.  I couldn't get over there, but others did and stopped to help.  I was watching him and the Kia driver the whole time.  She seemed to be aware of what she had done, based on the look on her face and her breaking when the guy went off the highway.  She had indecision on her face.  She didn't know what to do.  Then she decided to floor it.  Having a strong sense of justice, I called 911 and took off after her.  I got on her tail to get her tag.  She went to the next exit and got off, so I followed her.  I didn't want her slipping away.  She got on a road that ran parallel to 75 and had a 60 MPH speed limit.  She's very tricksy, but I was determined.  I stayed on her tail while talking to 911 operators.  After a 20-minute excursion, they found where we were and pulled her over.  You know what the worst part was?  A county cop pulled her over, but he's not from the county she committed her infraction in.  He couldn't do anything, but he did tell me he'd give her a talking to.  The other county will be coming for her, though.  I don't doubt that.  I guess his not doing anything saved me hours of talking at the time, so we could get home.  That whole experience shook me up.  I don't think the guy died or even got hurt too severely, based on the conversations I heard in the background while I was on the phone with 911.  He could have, though, and that had me pretty freaked out for a bit.

Food tour

We had a list of places we needed to eat at while we were there.  Here's the list (and we hit them all):

• Chik-Fil-A


• Sonny's


• Whataburger


• Chik-Fil-A


• Gator's Dockside


• Moon River Pizza


• Publix (it's a grocery story, but they have the best subs in their deli and Sarah's favorite bakery)


• Chik-Fil-A

All in all, it was the best trip we've taken.  It's the first vacation we've taken since 2003.  We had used all of our vacation time coming home, seeing everyone we're related to and some we are not over the last several years.  We were always more tired when we got back.  It's nice seeing family, but I much prefer seeing them all the time and vacationing somewhere else when we get the chance.  Sarah took a ton of pictures.  If you're her friend on facebook, you can see them, since she's uploaded them already.

why I'm not Baptist

I've thought about posting this for a while.  I guess I've thought about posting this from the time I started my blog, since by then, I had already turned in my membership card, forfeited my decoder ring, and started speaking in tongues.  Okay, maybe not the last one, but I definitely don't have my decoder ring anymore.  I have been asked by some over the last two years why.  Some are interested in hearing my story, others are asking in a "What happened to you?," sort of way, because to some, you're either Baptist or you're wrong (used to be part of that exact some).  Either way, I gladly answer.  It doesn't matter too much to me.  All of my favorite Baptists still love me, and that's good enough for me.  If you are Baptist, and you don't still love me as you read this, then you can turn in your membership card to the "Jeff's favorite Baptists" club.

Before I tell you why I'm not a Baptist anymore, I'll give you my background.  I was raised in a Baptist home.  From the time my parents came to Christ, they have been a part of that denomination.  I was part of that denomination from birth, or for those who think I'm hinting at covenant theology, you can say I was a part of it since I was baptized at the age of 10.  I went to the same Baptist church from the time I was 8 until I was 22 (retaining membership, as many Bible college students do, through my college years).  I moved to Jacksonville, FL, where I attended two separate Baptist colleges/seminaries, where I received my Bachelor's degree.   My first pastoral job was in an overtly Baptist church (I just went there for the first time since leaving this week), and my second was in a secretly Baptist church.  As Paul was a Pharisee of Pharisees, I was a Baptist of Baptists.  My Baptist street cred had no reason to be called into question.

So what happened?  How could I just abandon the only thing I had ever known?  Well, one day - I'm not sure the exact date, because I didn't throw a gold star on the calendar - I realized something: this isn't me.  I'd tried for 26 years to worship God in a way that He did not create me, and it wasn't working.  I struggled with it for a long time before it finally occurred to me.  I looked like a good Baptist on the outside, but on the inside, there was turmoil.  I didn't know there was something different and good out there, so for years, I embraced the good and downplayed the things I didn't care for.  I even struggled as a teenager, worrying about the differences between a typical Baptist youth pastor (as I saw it) and who I was.  There was a great divide.  The two weren't lining up, and by the time I was 26, I realized they never would.

The reason I am not Baptist has little to nothing to do with discontentment.  I was as content as I knew how to be with being a Baptist, because it was all I knew.  My being discontent with the way things were operated at my first church do not reflect my feelings about the entire denomination.

I am not Baptist, because that is not how God created me to worship Him.  I believe it is how God created some to worship Him, and it's a fine denomination for some, but not me.  I ultimately believe mostly the same way on the major doctrines, but I seem to disagree on a lot of the small stuff (and some pastors make a really big deal about the small stuff).  To me, the small stuff is big stuff, because I wasn't comfortable working for a church where I could not fully embrace all of the teaching.  I felt like I was a hypocrite for taking a check while disagreeing with what was taught and how things were done.  I know guys that do that, and I don't want to be that guy.  I have a derogatory term for those guys, but I'm not going to tell you what it is, in case you are one.

I just want to be in a place where I can worship God fully, in a way that fits who I am, while glorifying Him.  That place is KCC.  We're non-denominational, or as I was trained to say as a young, up-and-coming Baptist, undecided.  We've decided, though.  As my boss put it in my very first interview: we major on the majors, and we minor on the minors.

That's not as sensational as you were hoping for.  Is it?

good thing it doesn't work that way

I do not believe in a works-based salvation.  Neither did Paul.  Ephesians 2:8-9 says, "For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, ⁹ not a result of works, so that no one may boast." (ESV)  I think that's pretty clear, and I think it's probably a pretty good thing.

If salvation was works based, how many of us would end up in Hell?  That question is probably hard to answer.  The reality is that if we believed that we had to work for our salvation, we'd probably do more than we do.  We wouldn't be so lazy about our faith.  Why, then, are we so lazy now?  God has made it easy on us, because He loves us, and we return the favor by taking advantage of His love.  I find it strange the way we react to our God's love, especially given the way other religions actively engage in their religion.

Many young Mormons dedicate two years of their lives to the mission field before pursuing whatever career path they feel led to do.  Shawn Bradley even resisted going into the NBA for two years to fulfill this.  You would not be considered a dedicated Mormon if you weren't willing to do this.

Muslims observe Ramadan.  They kind of fast for an entire month, eating "breakfast" when they get up in the morning, and then not eating from sunrise to sunset.  I've heard pastors mock the practice, as though this would not be difficult, but the belt of the pastors I've heard saying this were not visible due to their suffering from Dunlap's disease.  I'll fully admit that not eating while the Sun is up for a full month would cause the most horrible month of my life.  On top of the fasting rituals, they are encouraged to read the entire Qur'an during that month.  It's not a short book.  Not observing Ramadan would disqualify you from being a serious Muslim.

Orthodox Jews live everyday inside a prison of rules and regulations.  One rule they observe is no driving a car on the Sabbath, but they must attend a Shabbos service.  When we lived in Florida, we would see families walking down the road, a mile from the Temple, wearing all black, heading to a Shabbos service.  That act alone shows more dedication than most people I know (me included).  Then there are the dietary laws, which include no bacon, no ham, no pork chops, no pulled pork, etc.  Seriously?  Yikes.  You have your orthodox Jews, and then you have your not so serious Jews.  Some call them Reformed Jews.  No one calls them dedicated.

So what does it take to be considered a serious, dedicated Christian?  Well, as best as I can tell, you have to go to church on Sunday, which equates to an hour of your week (or 4 hours, if you add in getting ready, traveling, and eating lunch afterward (a required part of church going)).  Some heighten the requirement by adding Sunday school, Sunday night, and Wednesday night to the requirements.  Some add reading the Bible and praying.  But what about doing?  Reading your Bible, praying, and going to church fill you up.  Those activities prepare you to serve God.  Does one become a good Christian by hoarding the grace of God in their own cup and never pouring out God's goodness to others?  Is that the standard?

James 214-26 says, "¹⁴What good is it, my brothers, if someone says he has faith but does not have works? Can that faith save him? ¹⁵ If a brother or sister is poorly clothed and lacking in daily food, ¹⁶ and one of you says to them, "Go in peace, be warmed and filled," without giving them the things needed for the body, what good is that? ¹⁷So also faith by itself, if it does not have works, is dead.

¹⁸But someone will say, "You have faith and I have works." Show me your faith apart from your works, and I will show you my faith by my works. ¹⁹ You believe that God is one; you do well. Even the demons believe—and shudder! ²⁰Do you want to be shown, you foolish person, that faith apart from works is useless? ²¹ Was not Abraham our father justified by works when he offered up his son Isaac on the altar? ²²You see that faith was active along with his works, and faith was completed by his works; ²³and the Scripture was fulfilled that says,"Abraham believed God, and it was counted to him as righteousness"—and he was called a friend of God. ²⁴You see that a person is justified by works and not by faith alone. ²⁵And in the same way was not also Rahab the prostitute justified by works when she received the messengers and sent them out by another way? ²⁶For as the body apart from the spirit is dead, so also faith apart from works is dead.

I really do believe that most of us would be in a lot of trouble if doing good works for God is what got us into Heaven.  Good thing it doesn't work that way.

God help us.