dancing in the outfield

You may not know this by looking at me, but I played baseball as a child. You also may not know that right field is a good place to stick a kid who isn't very good at baseball. There aren't a lot of power hitting lefties in third/fourth grade ball, and not many kids go opposite field at that age, either, at least not on purpose. So I was put in right field for my entire third grade year. Had the ball ever come to me, I would have definitely gotten it and thrown it halfway to the infield with the rocket of an arm I didn't have.

I didn't mind being in right field. I still got a jersey and a hat. I was part of the team, and one of my best friends at the time was on the team with me. I mostly had fun, but sometimes I would get bored. No balls were hit my way for entire games at a time. My ADD would kick in, and I would get fidgety. I remember one game in particular. I was bored, so I was honing my Skip It (pictured above) skills in right field. I had no Skip It with me, so no one else knew what I was doing. I didn't even think about the fact that people would watch me. I was apparently much more entertaining than the game.

I came off the field after the last inning, got my juice box, and headed to my brother Steve. He and his girlfriend were smiling at me, and I thought it was because I had done well, and they were proud of me. I always looked up to Steve, and impressing him was important. I thought I had succeeded. Nay, nay. Steve asked, "What were you doing out there in the outfield? Dancing?"

I told him what I was really doing, which didn't discourage him from calling me his little sister at all. He made fun of me, as he was known to do, all the way home. I felt bad. I didn't impress him, and what's worse, I was caught "dancing." Would God know that I wasn't really dancing? I mean, I was Baptist, and I knew it was one of His special rules for us.

Even though I was embarrassed that day, I was forgetting two important things: I had had fun, and I had stayed engaged in something for more than two minutes. I don't know if we won the game. I wasn't paying attention to that. I was concentrating on my dancing in the outfield, and I was fabulous. Victory was mine.

pray deliberately

We continued talking about being a deliberate Christian on Sunday night.  The first step was reading the Bible, because let's face it, making prayer the first step just doesn't make sense.  If we're not reading and listening, then we're just talking at God, and why should that be number one? So prayer is step two.

Just like last week, I didn't spend a lot of time trying to convince the students that we should be praying.  I used two verses to establish an already understood point, then I tried to help with how to get it done.  The first thing I told them is that it's important to set a time to pray.  In Psalm 5:3, David commits to talking to God in the morning.  Maybe the morning doesn't work for you, but there is a time that does, and you should commit to it.  Set an appointment with God.

The second helpful hint I gave them was to establish a prayer list.  I'm just a little ADD.  By the time I finish this post, I will have worked on it four or five times, and it's not that long.  So how am I going to make it through all of my prayer requests without having something to follow?  I'm not.  I get distracted, my mind drifts to anything else, and next thing I know, my prayer time has gone.  So I make a list.  I have three lists in fact: my personal journal, where family, church, and close friends are written down.  I have my Rebel Youth facebook page, where I pray over the friends list.  I also have a list on my phone, for when I'm out and about, and someone asks me to pray for something.  I never remember otherwise.

Make a time.  Make a list.  Be deliberate.  What do you do to make sure you spend time talking to God?

"God Gave us Two" - a book review

I like to read, but sometimes my schedule does not cooperate.  Yet I feel obligated to read, because I want to learn, and because Waterbrook Multnomah gives me books for free to read, so long as I will write a review of them.  Last month was particularly busy for me, so I chose a children's book to read.  It's called, "God Gave us Two," by Lisa Tawn Bergren.

"God Gave us Two," is a great book to read to your only child if you are expecting a second.  I understand there could be questions about adequacy and love from your only child if you decide to have a second child, and this book directly and lovingly addresses them.

The artwork is nice and simple, in line with the style of many of the books we read to Jakob.  It was bright and vibrant, and the reading was quick.  I should have tried reading it to my son, but God isn't giving us two at this point, so I read it alone.

I recommend it.  I plan to give my copy to a family member who is expecting a second child soon.  I think they'll enjoy it.

I am afraid of Pop Tarts. They've attacked me.

I have a reasonable fear of Pop Tarts.  It is a fear born out of experience.  One attacked me when I was in high school.  No one threw it at me.  It attacked on its own.  I have not been able to enjoy them fully since that time.

One morning before school, I grabbed a Pop Tart from the cupboard.  Actually, I grabbed a Meijer (off) brand toaster pastry, which is (to the best of my knowledge) actually made by Kellogg's, so it was a Pop Tart in sheep's clothing. I took said pastry and put it in the toaster, because it is called a toaster pastry, not a cold pastry.  Toasting it magically takes it from bland and cardboardy into a delicious treat - a delicious treat I am afraid to enjoy.

The toaster popped the pastry up, and I grabbed one and put it on my plate.  Then I grabbed the second one, but before it could be placed safely on my plate, it broke in half.  Half went to the floor, which was okay, but the other half landed napalm side down right in the center of my hand right hand.  I didn't cry, but I did simultaneously get some dust in my eye, which caused it to well up with tears.  Tears meant for cleansing dust from my eye, not meant for indicating sad emotions or pain.  This half of the pasty hit the wall, as I flung it from my hand.

I immediately ran my hand under cold water, which was pointless.  It only stung more.  A blister appeared and grew to a quarter inch high off the palm of my hand, spanning over an inch in length.  My mom, being the worrier, made me go to the doctor.  The diagnosis was bad: I had a third degree burn.  I went to school the next day, unable to do any upper body lifts in gym class.  I showed my teacher the doctor's note.  He wanted to know what happened.  I told him, and he laughed at me.

Between the emotional scarring of my gym teacher's laughter and physical scarring of a fruit filling turned napalm applied to my hand, I have never been able to fully enjoy Pop Tarts since.  I have tried, but my fear of burning is strong.  I've tried eating them cold, but they taste awful that way.  It is my burden to bare, and it is a difficult burden to carry.  I see others enjoying their hot breakfast treats, and I smugly eat my granola bars, wondering what could have been.

Jakob took his mom out for Mother's Day

I had an idea last year that couldn't work until this year: I will not take Sarah out for Mother's Day.  I would give her a gift, of course, but Jakob would take her out and give her his own gift on Mother's Day.  This year, he took her out to breakfast on Sunday morning while I was at church for the first service.

We were walking through Sears together when Jakob noticed these Mickey Mouse earrings.  He kept pointing at them and saying, "Me Maw," which is how he says Mickey Mouse.  We were out Mother's Day shopping, so I went with these.  I put them in his diaper bag on Sunday morning, and Sarah got to open her gift while out with him.



My present will come later.  I'm taking her to see Jonny Lang and Buddy Guy in June.  So, despite some facebook reports, Subway at Wal-Mart isn't the extent of my treating Sarah for Mother's Day.  We just went there before we went to the zoo.

faith of a child.

it was all worth it. and it will always be.

pregnancy was hard. i know compared to some, i have nothing to complain about. and, seeing as how God's provided a beautiful, smart, perfect baby boy through some of the most trying months of my life, i really have nothing to complain about at all. Jakob, my angel, was born early in the morning (7.48a, to be exact) on september 10, 2009. in 4 days, he will be 20 months old. through Jakob, i now know how strong a mother's love is. and, the blessing and best part of it all is, i know how strong a child's love is for his mommy. [and, respectively, his/her daddy.] what did i have to do to get a little boy, who runs into many people who all care greatly for him each week, to find a best friend in me?? be his best friend. spend time w/him. do things he likes to do. make him laugh. hold him when he's sad or hurt. share food together. read to him. let him read to me. let him teach me how beautiful God's natural innocence in children is. loving him is natural. part of it is from the natural bond we made when he was in utero. although, not all of it. i'm adopted, and my mama loves me just as much as she would if she'da carried me. it's the mother-son bond (well, not in my mom's and my case). it's very special, and different from even a father-son bond.

one of the scenes in the movie "Crash" beautifully illustrates the special bond of a parent with a child. being as i'm now a mother and i see things differently than before i was, it has quickly become my favorite movie scene of any i've seen. fortunately, i've found a clip of said scene, because i do not think i could do it justice to just describe it.

in this scene, Daniel is assuaging his daughter, Lara, after a stray bullet went through her window. he tells her a story of how he acquired an impenetrable invisible protection cloak, and it has protected him from harm since he was 5. he tells her he was supposed to give it to his daughter when she turned 5, so she could be wrapped in it's safety.



it's amazing the faith a child has in his parent. the child wants comfort and loves his parent so much, he hangs on his every word, and believes each one. and the love in a parent's voice when comforting his child is unmistakable.

later on in the movie, a persian man, Farhad, who wrongfully believes he was robbed by Daniel, seeks vengeance, and tries to shoot him. Lara, seeing this, runs out to save her father because he no longer has the protective cloak. [be forewarned, there is brief strong language in this clip.]



Lara was not thinking of herself. in faith of what her father told her about the cloak, she ran in between Farhad and her father to protect him, believing herself to be invincible. she tells her mother afterward, "it's okay, daddy's ok", not realizing she put herself in danger of losing her life. [it was not mentioned in the clip, but Farhad's daughter had bought blank rounds for her father's gun for fear something like this would happen.]

i felt both unspeakable sadness watching this, and at the same time, gratefulness that i'm able to have an indescribable relationship with my very own child; God forbid something like that ever happen. all that being said, yes. i would die for Jakob in a second.

happy mother's day to all the ladies out there who have the distinct pleasure of being called "mommy".

tonight (should have) changed everything

We have started something new at our YG.  It's nothing we've ever done before.  It is a great YG with wonderful students and awesome leaders.  The Bible is taught unabashedly every time we get together.  Only one person has ever complained that I use too much Bible, but I'll take that complaint every week.  What we have never done is have an official plan for reading the Bible.  We encourage reading, but a specific "sanctioned" plan has never been provided.  We  began our trek towards this tonight, and it's going to become the focal point of our ministry.

We started a series called deliberatePeople, which is based on the ministry of Phil Joel of Newsboys fame.  We will be learning how to deliberately read the Bible, how to deliberately pray, and how to deliberately stand for God (and against sin).  Tonight was all about reading.

To do something on purpose or with purpose, to be intentional, to plan to be

Great things do not happen without effort.  You must set out to do something.  Great relationships don’t just happen because you ask a girl out, she says yes, and you both update your facebooks.  Marriages are not successful without effort.

 I date Sarah.

 Our relationship with God cannot be great without great effort.  We have to deliberately cultivate that relationship.  He’s already put in a great effort, but just like marriage, if only one side is putting in the work, the relationship fails.

 What are the main things we need to do to have a right relationship with God?

The most important things you can do, even if you are a pastor of a church, is to devote yourself to prayer and reading the Bible.  To devote means...

 1. To appropriate by vow; to set apart or dedicate by a solemn act; to consecrate.

 2. To give up wholly; to addict; to direct the attention wholly or chiefly; to attach

Meditate on it!  That means read it, study it, think about it.  Do you want to have a successful relationship with God?  Step one is to read His Word.

Usually when someone comes to me with a problem, I ask them how often they are reading their Bible and praying.  Most people are praying some and rarely if ever reading.  This is backwards.  You can’t call out to God for answers if you aren’t showing willingness to hear His answers.  Many of them are here.

One thing I am often asked is, “How can I start reading the Bible?”  How many of you have wondered that?  I know it’s not easy.  If you just flip randomly in your Bible without a plan, you are prone to missing.  But how do I get a set plan?  How do I make a habit of it?

If you don't have a reading plan, and you are aimlessly moving through life, I suggest you check out the link above.  Read the plan starting on day 2, and you'll be on track with us.