G.I. Joe was one of the best cartoons to me when I was a kid. It's in a heated race with Chuck Norris Karate Kommandos for best cartoon ever in my mind. G.I. Joe should be glad I put it in a foot race, because if I entered them into a cage match to determine the best cartoon ever, Karate Kommandos would obviously win.
One edge that G.I. Joe has on Karate Kommandos is that they never sold KK underwear. I guess it's creepy to have the cartoon image of a real man on boys underwear. Maybe that's why they never made them. G.I. Joe, however, threw its hat into the underwear ring. I definitely had a few pairs of those bad boys when I was in kindergarten. They were all the same pattern, but the elastic bands were different colors: one pair had blue, one had red, and one had Army green.
The G.I. Joe underwear was of great importance to me. I actually remember that, as a young child, I had an accident in the aforementioned green banded undies. I remember being traumatized. I wasn't even upset about the accident, though. I was upset about the G.I. Joe underwear. They were more important to me than my very dignity. It was my favorite pair. So it is with great anticipation and anxiety that I await the release of the new G.I. Joe movie. I hope I can make it through it without crying a tear of loss for that wonderful pair of undies from my past.
When Sarah and I first moved to Florida, we were in need of jobs. We both had an interview scheduled for the same morning, and we wanted to make sure we got a good nights rest. Unfortunately, our belongings had not yet been delivered by our moving company, so we only had an air mattress. We decided to stay in a nice hotel, on the beach, as an anniversary gift to ourselves, as well as a way of getting good rest. I love killing two expense birds with one stone. So we get to the hotel, and Sarah was sitting on the edge of the bed talking to me, when she screamed. A huge cockroach had landed on her arm. She waved her arm and sent it flying. Being the knight in metro attire that I was, I jumped to the rescue, landing right on this beast. I ground that baby right into the carpet, but when I lifted my foot, it took of running. Are you kidding me? What kind of cockroaches do they have in this state? I called the front desk to complain, and the lady explained to me the southern way of life: "Oh,those are not cockroaches, those are palmetto bugs. They get in everywhere, cause they can flatten themselves out and crawl under the doors." I still disagree, because that was definitely a cockroach. I don't care if it is as big as a cat, it's still a nasty cockroach.
So Tony Morgan definitely had me hooked in the intro, when he explained his dissatisfaction with this particular species of cockroach in his book, Killing Cockroaches. I have expressed before that I am not a huge fan of all this leadership talk. I think it's getting out of control, and moreover, most people who wax eloquent on leadership don't really know what they're talking about. Tony Morgan knows what he's talking about. He's the man. His books are always practical, with attainable processes, and a genuine spirit. When I read his books, I feel like he genuinely wants me to succeed. The books aren't written to show how great he is, but to help you be the greatest you God has made you to be.
Is Killing Cockroaches for me? I would say that if you read my blog, or many blogs, than it probably is. I don't know him personally, but I'm guessing Tony has a little ADD to him. If he doesn't, he certainly is sympathetic to those of us that are. The book was written more like a blog or a conversation than a book. It quickly flowed from one topic to the other, and back again. It was perfect for the way my mind works, which is quite abstractly and weird. I recommend this book more highly than any other book I have ever reviewed here. Click the title with link above to get your hands on it.
One of the best scenes in Tommy Boy - quite possibly the best comedy of all time - is when Tommy and Richard fight it out. The fight takes place in front of Prehistoric Forest, which I have actually ridden by. We were heading to a concert with Tom, and there it was! Richard had been ripping on Tommy since the beginning of the movie, which started when they were kids, and Tommy had finally had enough. He had never dealt with the situation. He just took it...until he blew up.
I know that I haven't always dealt well with anger. To be more honest, I often don't handle it. I just let it sit, and I stew. I then view everything through my angry eyes. The sad thing is that my anger really affects me. It stresses me out and makes me sick to my stomach, but I often just deal with it the same way. I finally realized last year, however, what I was doing to myself. I was costing myself my sleep, peace, and my health. I was angry, and the object of my affection may have known, but certainly didn't care. I still remember when I finally realized my error: I was at Unleash, listening to Perry Noble speak. That conference rocked my world, and I'm excited to be going back again this year with this crazy guy.
I remember explaining my new revelation to my good friend, Shane. We were in the dumpy old church truck, on our way to drop off a hospital bed for an old lady who had just moved into a nursing home - I would have been trapped in there if not for Shane, cause I couldn't manage to open the door. We picked it up from her home. That place scared me; so did the big stain on the bed...but I had already agreed to move it before seeing its condition, so what could we do? Anyway, after explaining my new outlook on everything, he told me probably the cooliest thing I've ever been told by a teenager. He told me that since I had dealt with my anger/grudge issue, he had decided that he would view me the same way I view my my pastor. That was saying a lot. I hold my pastor in highest esteem. He is a true shepherd to his flock. So he tells me that he would view me this way, and look up to me just as I do to Pastor Moore. If I wasn't so manly, I might have cried, but as I am so manly, I did not.
What's the point? My anger was affecting me physically, but it was also affecting others: those that looked to me and followed my example. Shane was smart enough to see the flaw and wise enough to not embrace it, but what about others? My attitude, which leads to my actions, is observed and sometimes followed by teenagers, kids, nuns, yo-yo's, and corn fed church mice. We talk too much about intentional leadership and leading leaders, but what about the people we influence unintentionally? Who's following us, and what is it they are really following?
We are a people of worry and emotion. I know I lose many nights sleep to worry and anxiety. When God "comes through for us in the clutch," we generally return to normal, happy, and "good." Unfortunately, we have redefined "good" to be a favorable feeling. We feel good. I am good (based on circumstance), however goodness is not a feeling. It is a divine attribute of God. God is a God of truth, not favorable feelings. He is good. God is good all the time. It's cliche, but true.
How many times have you found yourself talking about a potentially bad situation, only to sum it up with, "...but God is good, and He took care of it."? I caught myself saying it just last week, and I quickly added, "not that He wouldn't be good if He had done it differently, I just like what He decided this time." The fact is that God's goodness is not determined by your agreement with His chosen outcome. What happens when He doesn't "come through?" What if He doesn't see things the way you see them? And what if He doesn't work like a lucky rabbits foot, and you don't get what you want? Does God cease to be good? No. God is good, not in spite of my circumstance, but because of my circumstance. God is in control, and according to Romans 8:28, He's working EVERYTHING out for our good. Unemployment? Good. Foreclosure? Good. Everything that has ever made me FEEL bad? Good, because God is good, and He's working. It's not about how I feel, it's about who He is. So how am I today? I'm well. Thank you for asking.
Since I briefly ranted about my right to bear arms in my last post, I thought I would follow up with a lighter view of this right. It's a story about my lovely wife, who is not an American born citizen. She was born in Seoul, South Korea. At four months old, she was adopted and shipped Fed Ex to America. Fortunately that plane did not go down with Tom Hanks on it. You saw what he did to that volleyball.
Apparently, part of the naturalization process is going over the Bill or Rights with the about to be citizen. When the judge came to the 2nd amendment and explained that she would have the Right to Bear Arms, Sarah quickly pointed out that she already had bare arms. I suppose she was wearing a sleeveless dress at the time. So they may come and try to take our right to bear arms, but nobody, not even Word of Life, can take away our freedom to bare arms.
I actually have the original picture that was taken and used for Sarah's naturalization papers, but I'm probably not allowed to post that here. She's not a big fan of that picture, although I doubt she's really fond of the one I chose to use instead. Still, I have specific instructions not to show the naturalization photo around.
It is no secret that the far, far left hate guns. They would be most happy if the government would take away our 2nd amendment right to bear arms, or at least regulate our arms bearing so much that we could not possibly afford it. It is also no secret, at least to those that know me, that I love my guns. My wife and I enjoy going to the range and firing off hundreds of rounds. In a perfect world, I would no own a gun, however we do not live in a perfect world. With the government being more and more lenient on violent offenders, limiting or removing capital punishment in most states, and the ridiculous antics and petty loopholes shifty defense lawyers use to keep these violent offenders on the streets, I will keep my guns, and I will keep them loaded. Here's the thing: if you come into my house unannounced and unwelcome, you probably won't leave standing up or breathing. Would I actually shoot someone? Without hesitation, I certainly would. I know that sounds violent for a pastor to feel that way, but think of it this way: it's either my wife or the intruder. Who do you think I'd pick?
Now, we all know a big stimulus package is supposedly coming. I sure hope it does. If they're asking for $750 billion to "create new jobs," they can throw the rest of us a bone. Now, what should we do with the money they will so graciously be giving us? They say that putting it into savings is bad, cause you can't stimulate the economy that way. I love that. Don't be wise and save. So what to spend it on? My brother, Dan, has an excellent idea. Why not take the money the left is giving you and buy a gun or two? Load up on ammo. Stimulate the economy and help the businesses they would seek to cripple over time all at once. Rally around your right to bear arms. These are perilous times anyway, so if you don't already own a gun, you should probably think about it. With police departments laying off officers all around the country, added to the generally slow response time of these emergency departments, you'd better be able to take care of yourself.
I got another shot at preaching at New Hope. Our new mantra is "Connect, Grow, Serve, Go." I asked if I could speak this week, as we covered "Serve." I spoke on Sarah, Will Ferrell, Moses, and Idiots. I hope you enjoy it.
Fifteen plus years of fanaticism would finally payoff. A decade and a half of obsession would lead us to a moment in time that forever marks the pinnacle of Detroit Pistons fandom. For the first time in our lives, my brother Jeff and I were going to the Palace of Auburn Hills to see the Detroit Pistons play the hated Boston Celtics. Not only were we planning to be in attendance, we also had a goal. Our preparation began the night before. We were armed with markers, poster boards, white T-shirts, black afro wigs, and a burning passion to live in infamy. The creative side of the operation was provided by Mrs. Katey and Sarah Selph. As the artistic members of the family, they were designated the task of creating posters that would be sure to draw the attention of Palace camera men. We had a long night of poster making ahead of us and an even longer journey the next day.
Our journey to the Palace would have to start early. We lived across the state in Grand Rapids, and Auburn Hills was going to be a 3 hour drive. We set out on Interstate 96 at 3PM eastern standard time. There was little time for stops of luxurious frivolity. All stops were limited to bathroom breaks and refueling. We arrived at the Palace in record time. Finally we were there, the Mecca of the Motor City Bad Boys; the house that Isaiah built. The very same building where the likes of Joe Dumars, Bill Lambiere, John Sally, and Vinnie Johnson would hoist the O’Brien trophy high above their heads while being showered in flowing bubbly Champaign. This was the arena where Chuck Daily coached the pistons to 2 championships in as many years. This is the place we dreamed of for years.
We made our way to our seats, high above the hardwood floor where the Pistons would soon take the court. It was time for us to put into action the plan we had spent hours slaving over the night before. We removed our jackets and unsheathed our posters to get into place for our moment; a moment that ultimately would lie solely in the hands of an individual camera operator. It was his attention we had to attract, and his opinion we had to impress. Dawned in suffocatingly tight T-shirts colored in the representation of Ben Wallace’s jersey and black afro wigs, it was our time to shine.
With 10:16 to play in the second quarter, we were urged by the arena announcer to stand to our feet and “Make some noise!” So making noise is what we did. I was holding a poster over my head that stated “I am Ben Wallace’s Twin” and Jeff was holding a poster saying “Ben Wallace: Blocking shots and taking names.” We knew for sure we would find ourselves on the giant screen above the middle of the court. As the crowd settled back in, we realized we had been shut out again. It was nothing to be overly concerned with at that point, after all we had not even reached half time yet. But a phone call would change our lives forever. The phone call came in on Jeff’s cell phone, on the other line was our sister Lisa. With the noise in the arena Jeff was having trouble hearing what she was saying, but it was confirmed. The sweetest words ever spoken came loud and clear into Jeff’s ear. “I just saw you two idiots on the TV. You guys look ridiculous!” We had finally done it, we had completed our mission and our status as Detroit Pistons fans was forever secured. What we learned that night is that although you may be shown on the jumbo screen, you may not make it to the TV broadcast. And to that point, although you may be shown on TV you may not make it to the jumbo screen.
You may be thinking at this point that the story is complete, but I assure you it is not. Jeff set his VCR to record the game that night just in case we were successful in being shown on TV. He immediately located our moment in the game and continued to watch the game in fast forward to determine if we were shown yet another time during the game. As the game came to an end and the Fox Sports post game report began, they led the analysis of the game with a shot of Jeff and me holding our signs yet again. The sports anchor made the statement, “These guys claim to be Ben Wallace’s twins, I just don’t see it.” Not only had our efforts paid off, they had provided a greater return than any of us had anticipated. We had been shown twice and actually referenced to in the post game report.
This moment will forever remain as the greatest moment of my fan career. It is true what Dr Emit Brown said in Back to The Future.” If you put your mind to it, you can accomplish anything.” You too may experience a moment where fanaticism turns to glory, if you are willing to put in the time to make it happen.
Grand Rapids has many iconic figures. I've already written about Yesterdog. I haven't mentioned Lesllie Lynch King, Jr (you may know him as Gerald R. Ford), the international pyramid king Amway, 90% of all the Christian books and bookstores you are familiar with, Matthew "Chuck Norris" Joling, and the Great Daryl Nathan. It is the last one I want to focus on. A publicly owned cable station called GRTV (channel 25 back in the day) had quite possibly the greatest musical variety show of all time. The Brady's had nothing on Daryl Nathan. He was so cool that he went by his real name, and he wasn't afraid of being listed in the phone book. I know this, because one day I got bored and called him. He actually answered, so I begged him to sing a song for me over the phone. Here's what he sang:
"He put a napkin on my plate (Ooh). He put a napkin on my plate (Ooh). Told his momma, he put a napkin on my plate." He then asked if that was good enough, and I obviously agreed that it was. Here is a video that is well worth your 4 minutes of him putting on one of his epic performances.
The Terminator movies are a great concept bogged down with bad acting. I like Arnold movies as much as the next guy, but I still wouldn't stand up and defend his acting ability. Christian Bale is one of the best, most versatile actors I've ever seen. Let's hope he can make these movies a little entertaining.
4. Public Enemies
Christian Bale makes a 2nd appearance on the list, despite his recent rant on set. Add in Johnny Depp and the fact that this is an American gangster movie, and I'm all in. Unfortunately, there is no trailer for this one yet.
3. Transformers 2
Shia LaBeouf is quickly becoming one of my favorite actors, and that's not even counting the fact that his mom is Jewish. Transformers was awesome, and the 2nd one looks to be every bit as good. And who can resist the sound effect for the transformers transforming?
2. X-Men Origins: Wolverine
I was totally convinced as a child that Wolverine was the mascot for U of M. He wore blue and yellow tights and his name was, well, Wolverine. Let's hope they show some of his tenacity this year. I'm very excited to see the movie focus solely on him, as he's always been my favorite comic book hero.
1. G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra
The first video I ever owned was a G.I. Joe video. I wish I still had it. Snake Eyes has always been my favorite of the Joes, and they got the same guy that played Darth Maul to play him. I've been waiting for this movie to happen ever since they first took a cartoon or comic book hit and turned it into a live action movie.
Smiffner! My brother Dan and I decided that the cooliest name of all time would be Stuben Smiffner Selph. Unfortunately, our much more mature than us wives disagree, so we only get to pretend while they're pregnant. Dan and Katey found out before us that they were expecting, but Sarah is officially 4 days further along. Dan has always copied me. Anyway, that gave him a lock on Stuben for his baby, leaving me with Smiffner. I definitely don't say it begrudgingly, because it is a very cool name. So until we know what we're having, and go with the names we really have picked out, Smiffner shall be our baby's name. This leaves me with some t-shirts to have made. For me, I want one that says, "Smiffner's Dad," and for Sarah, I want one that says, "Jew inside" (like the intel inside logo) and "Caution, Smiffner on board." And for those that were wondering, here are the real names we have picked out:
Boy: Jakob Israel Girl: Eva Catherine
By the way, Sarah has her first prenatal appointment today. We're really excited!
And, happy birthday to David Carrel! You can wish him a happy birthday HERE if you'd like. Just leave him a comment on his latest blog post.
I hate when I say something in front of the wrong person. You know, when you say, "I hate..." and someone capitalizes on that statement by aggravating you with it? That's how THIS VIDEO came about. My dad said he hated Edith Bunker, so I gave him Edith Bunker. This is the situation Jim Ford is about found himself in. He has gone on and on about how dumb he thinks Twitter is. In response, I decided to send him my occasional twitter updates directly to his phone. That was mildly agitating. Kevin has taken this idea to a whole new level. He thought we should set a Twitter account up for Jim, confiscate his phone, and get device updates turned on. You don't have to ask me twice to join such a mission. He had his very own account that very night. We almost blew the phone set up, but we got it taken care of. I borrowed his phone to call Sarah...or was it to text his verification code to Twitter? I can't remember. So now, if you will, please follow NH_JimFord on Twitter. If you follow him, one of us will follow you back; if you send him a Direct Message, he will get it right to his phone!
The best part was when we turned on device updates right in the middle of a staff meeting. He got tired of the constant flow of text messages, so he turned his phone off. He thought that would solve the problem. It sure didn't! When he turned his phone back on a couple of hours later, he got text after text, totaling 30. Don't you wish you could have this much fun at work?
G.I. Joe was one of the best cartoons to me when I was a kid. It's in a heated race with Chuck Norris Karate Kommandos for best cartoon ever in my mind. G.I. Joe should be glad I put it in a foot race, because if I entered them into a cage match to determine the best cartoon ever, Karate Kommandos would obviously win.
