happily ever after

Sarah and I just recently celebrated our 12th anniversary, and it turns out that we are still in love.  Why?  It's not because we're built to last, but because we're building to last.

I don't believe in a fairytale happily ever after in life.  I don't believe in the one or soul mates or whatever you would call it.  I think those notions do a disservice to the commitment and work it takes to make a marriage last, and they also provide an escape clause later on when things aren't always happy or the spark has disappeared or whatever.   They say marriage is work.  Who are they?  I don't know, but they exist, and they say this.  And while I know this is true, it doesn't feel like work.  Ever had a job that you loved so much it didn't feel so much like work, but more like getting paid to do what you love to do?  I have.  I have it right now.  And if my marriage is also work, then it also doesn't feel like it for a few reasons.  First, I love my wife, and she knows it, and she loves me, and I know it.  Second, we've been working all along.  We do consistent marital maintenance, never letting the projects get too big to be fixed.  And third, I believe we love each other in the way the Bible instructs us to love each other.

And I want to tell you briefly what I think that looks like from a husband's perspective, because I am a husband.  Ephesians 5 is a much abused and therefore much maligned portion of Scripture, because it uses that old dirty word: submission.  But submission in a Biblical sense isn't actually a bad thing, because God wrote about and defined it.  I think where things get off track is the focus on and misinterpreting the woman's responsibility while overlooking the man's, which is especially odd considering the man's responsibility is primary and the woman's responsive to that.  Wait, that sounds sexist!  Not really.  I'm putting the burden on men and giving women a break that they deserve.  So what do I mean?  Well, why do we love God?  Because He first loved us (1 John 4:19).  And in Ephesians 5, the wife is supposed to love the husband like we love God, and the man is supposed to love the wife like God loves His church.  Why should a wife love her husband?  Because he loves her first.

And what does that love look like?  Well, how did Jesus love His church?  He gave up everything, He became a servant, He put the needs of the church over His rights and position.  He loved His church so much that He was willing to die for her while simultaneously living for her benefit.  That's how a Godly husband ought to love his wife.  He should put her first - her wants, her needs, her emotions - and he should serve her, give up what it takes to meet her needs, and not just be willing to die for her, but also be willing to live in such a way that would benefit her.  And when you treat your wife that way, do you know what happens?  She tends to love you back.  She also trusts you.  And because she knows that the one thing you want more than anything is her well-being, she's willing to go to the end of the world with you and for you.  And because it's true, you don't abuse that.

I could go on, but only a few of you are still reading this.  I think you get the gist of it.  Love your wife.  Love your husband.  Put yourself aside for them.   You just might live happily ever after, because happily will ever come after love and work.

like father (and mother), like son

Jakob has musical tastes that are very reflective of his parents' musical tastes.  He loves hard rock like Red and Disciple, and he finds Jonny Lang soothing.  He loves the music from Star Wars, and the intro to The Office used to make him stop crying.  He likes what he's been around, which is pretty natural.  He also seems to dislike what we dislike, even though it'd never been discussed.

We had the awesome opportunity to work a week at Maranatha Bible Conference last week, running the youth program.  This means we also got to stay on their awesome grounds, enjoy outdoor activities together, and eat their wonderful food.  One thing you'll hear all over Maranatha is piano music.  There are a few pianos in different buildings, and anyone is welcome to play them, and play them they did.  It's primarily old hymns, and much of what I heard was played rather slowly (or perhaps I should say at original speed), although we did hear some Star Wars theme music mixed in there.  I didn't love hearing it all the time, as it gave me flashbacks to a darker time in life, but I didn't talk about that with anyone, because I wouldn't want to offend one of the people playing or anyone that enjoys it.  It's fine.  I just don't want to listen to it.

It turns out Jakob doesn't want to listen to it either.  See, I'm a nice dad, and I'll allow myself to be subjected to things I don't particularly care for if it'll make Jakob happy (I see you, Mickey Mouse).  So one day, as Jakob and I were heading towards his class, I asked him if he wanted to go in and listen to someone playing on the piano.  He said he didn't, and I thought it was because he wanted to get right to class.  I told him we had to waste some time first and asked him again, to which he emphatically replied: "No, I don't like the piano music.  It's making me annoyed!"

He's like us.  And just like us, he still had a great time, piano music not withstanding.

the entertainment value of Jesus

I love to be entertained.  I really do.  I can go from TV show to TV show, clear through entire seasons of shows on Netflix with binge watching, read entire novels in a week while still working and going to school, and fill the in between times with listening to sports radio as I come and go.  Now, I should probably clarify that this isn't my everyday lifestyle.  This happens, as entertainment gets its hooks in me, and I get sucked into all it has to offer me.  And entertainment in of itself is good.  It is not bad.  But too much entertainment can change our expectation, our attention spans, and our priorities.  It can shift the way we view very important aspects of our lives, including our families, our friends, and even God.  If entertainment becomes the number one thing you seek, you're not long for the Christian life.  Do you know why?  Jesus isn't an entertainer.

In John 6, people were totally into Jesus.  He fed them, which they liked, and even better, He fed thousands of them with one boy's lunch.  They're were thinking, "This Dude's for real.  He's the prophet we've been expecting.  Look what He did for us!"  This wasn't the first miracle He had done, not even in their presence.  He had amassed a following, because He was making wine, healing people, and casting out demons, plus He was really unnerving the religious leaders, who probably annoyed them all.  He was popular, and He was entertaining, and now that He had given them something tangible - food - He was absolutely the guy to follow, so they're fixing to force kingship on Him.  But He slips away.

The next day, they come looking for Him, surprised to have found Him on the other side of a lake, since the disciples had taken the only boat.  But here He is, so they ask Him to help them do miracles just like Him.  They found him entertaining and wanted to do some pretty cool stuff themselves, but He tells them that they just need to believe in Him.  So they ask for a sign, because they were a sign-seeking people.  And Jesus cuts to the chase: I didn't come to perform signs and miracles; I came from Heaven to save you.  That's it.  And the people were confused and frustrated, because He stopped being entertaining and went straight to teaching hard truths.  And they ultimately cannot understand or get down with what He's teaching, and they walk away.  They could understand a miracle: something that was not now is.  This is great!  But they couldn't understand the spiritual relevance or meaning of His teachings.  They were frustrated and confused, so they quit.

Jesus is awesome.  I mean, He is God, so this is a given.  And He does some really incredible things.  He's done them in my life.  Maybe He's done them in yours.  But that's not His purpose, and it's not always what He does.  But He is always Truth, and He always speaks the Truth, and that can frustrate and confuse us.  It can be unsettling to us when it differs from what we thought or hoped to be true.  Sometimes He leads us through refining fire, which is anything but fun entertainment.  Jesus is not an entertainer; He is God, and if we follow Him, waiting for the next big thing to happen, we may walk away just like those disciples did when His teaching got tough.  Don't be entertained by Him.  Be changed by Him.