making Thanksgiving more meaningful

There is an annual uprising amongst many about making Christmas more meaningful.  So many people have their own idea of what that means for presents, traditions, itineraries, Satan (sp?) Claus, and meals.  Seriously, I'm just kidding.  I have nothing against Santa.  I just wish he had visited my house when I was a kid.  I can guarantee you that you will hear at least one person suggest that "we make Christmas more meaningful" this year.  What about Thanksgiving, though?

Thanksgiving has become about family, football, and gorging ourselves with food.  Counting Santa, that makes four things I am not against in this post.  We say it's about gratefulness, and we back up that claim by going around the table and making sure everyone says one thing that they are thankful for.  I'm not saying that no one is grateful for anything, and I certainly am not saying that I am not.  I am saying, though, that Thanksgiving seems to get a pass on its superfluity.  You know who else thought this, and actually who provoked these thoughts?  Todd.  He came to small group last week with a unique idea.  What if we choose something we are thankful for, wrap it, and open it on Christmas day?  We would then appreciate that thing much more.  It would enhance our gratefulness.  So, we decided to do it.

Last night, we had small group, and we all brought something we were going to wrap (either physically or symbolically).  Even the kids participated.  Here's what we chose and why:

• Sarah gave up her debit card, because she is often more frustrated about the money we don't have than content with what God has provided us (like just enough for her to stay home with Jakob).


• I also gave up my debit card, but I had a different reason.  I take our money for granted.  If I want a pop, I go buy one.  If I forget my lunch, it's okay, because I can just buy something cheap, which adds up with my memory.  I want to be more grateful for our money and waste it less.


• Todd and Amanda went in together.  They gave up their TV.  Their boys were not a part of this, so they get to keep their TV, which is in the basement.  Rumor has it that when they unwrap their TV on Christmas day, it will be bigger, better, and with a flatter screen.


• Jeff H gave up surfing the internet.  He will only use internet for two things between now and Christmas: e-mail (he's a school teacher and cannot ignore parents for a month, although he'd probably like to) and hockey coaching.  He's a literal coach, not a fantasy coach, so it's legit stuff he's using.  No internet fun for him.


• Amy gave up going out for coffee.  She has not gone crazy and given up caffeine entirely, but she cannot go out for a latte to Starbucks or Biggby's.  If she wants coffee, she has to make it.


• Jack (6th grade) gave up electricity in his room, because he likes to hang out in there and uses it constantly.  He also never shuts off his light.


• Ellie (5th grade) gave up her favorite American Girl dolls.  From what I understand, this is a huge deal for a young girl.  I'm personally creeped out by most dolls, so I was delighted to see them at small group last night.


• Zach (5th grade) is probably the most extreme in giving up his bed and pillow.  He has chosen to sleep on a cot in his room till Christmas.


• Logan (2nd grade) gave up his favorite video game, and if you know many second grade boys with a Nintendo DS, you know this is like giving up your livelihood.

I'm sure it's not going to be easy.  I know I already dread grocery shopping, Christmas shopping, and going to the gas station, but I'm a big boy.  I can handle it, and I will be really glad when I get my card back.  I'll probably go out and fill up the gas tank right away.

What would you choose to go without?

Beautiful: She (Nooma Video)

I really wanted to find a way to work Rob Bell's Nooma vide "She" into the Beautiful series, but I did not want to attempt to teach after him.  So, I gave the video it's own lesson night.  That made the lesson at least ten minutes shorter than a normal lesson.  I filled the time with more game time and more hang time.  It's good to do that every so often, anyway, and with many of the students having finals this week, plus the stress of Thanksgiving, it seemed like a great time for it.  Hope you enjoy the video and the added Spanish subtitles.

[youtube=http://youtube.com/watch?v=_oLf0MCTkhA]

 

"God, Thanks for Jeff"

This is not a Thanksgiving post.  I know it looks like it is, because it's late November and the word "thanks" is in the title, but it really isn't.  It's a post about job security.  I'm going to let you know how I know my job is safe and how I will know it's time to start looking.

My boss, Dave, and I meet every "Thursday."  Thursday requires quotation marks, because we allegedly meet every Thursday, but with our weird schedules, we often end up meeting on Wednesday or Friday, and we even occasionally miss it altogether.  That is fairly irrelevant to the post, but I want to see if I can keep you reading.  Are you still reading?  If so, you will be delighted to know that I'm going to tell you my secret now.

At the end of every meeting, Dave prays us out.  All meetings in churches much at least end in prayer, and several begin with it, as well.  There is one thing that is a prayer staple at these supervisory meetings.  Dave starts out and says, "God, thanks for Jeff..."  You see that?  My boss man is grateful for my existence.  That one line makes me more comfortable, because if he's still glad I exist, he must like what I'm doing to some extent.  If he stops saying that, I'll be suspicious and worried.

beautiful: marriage

Sunday night was an exciting evening.  Why?  I found out right before I left for church that I was going to need to teach.  I’ve had several of my leaders teach Sunday nights for me.  I try to have someone else teaching on the second Sunday of each month.  This weekend was to be Dan Sherman’s lesson, but he got very sick and was unable to.  So, without studying, I got to teach on marriage.  To be fair, I’ve been a student of good marriages my whole life.  My parents’ marriage is great.  My dad taught me how to be a good husband.  My marriage is wonderful.  It is one thing I do really well, and we’ve been crazy in love for a long time.  We’re doing it right.  So I’ve studied, but I didn’t study to teach.

Now, why would I be teaching on marriage at youth group?  Marriage is a wonderful gift that is all over the Bible; it is a picture of our relationship with God; and it can really enhance or ruin a life, depending on how it is done.  The kids are not getting married shortly, but many of them hope to some day.  It’s important to see what good relationships look like, because it has practical application in dating life.  Good dating relationships can lead to good marriages.  Treating your significant other poorly throughout your dating relationship will not lead to a good marriage.  Of course, there are exceptions, but those are generally good rules.

Your next good question might be, “What does this have to do with beauty and the value of women?”  That is a good question.  We looked first at Genesis 2 and Adam’s reaction to Eve.  He was excited, because this was awesome!  Adam immediately knew the value of Eve.  We established quickly and Biblically the definition and formula for marriage and headed right to Ephesians 5, so we could define properly the roles of each spouse.

Men have traditionally loved Ephesians 5, because it uses the s word.  Yes, that word: submit.  I have heard Ephesians 5:22-24 a lot more than I have the next verses.  The next verses command the husband to love his wife, though, like Christ loved the church and gave Himself for it.  Here are a few quick facts about Jesus' leadership of the church:

• He was a servant leader (Philippians 2, John 13).


• He gave all He had (John 19, or the whole of the Gospels and several other references throughout the NT).


• He didn't force anyone to follow Him (see Peter, Judas, the Pharisees, or us many times).


• He loved us first with a love so compelling that we love Him in return (that's the whole Bible.  I'll give you a year to read it.).

So what does submission look like in our relationship with Jesus?  Well, I know for me, I follow Jesus and submit to His will, because I know He loves me, and I trust that He has my best interest at heart.  I see what He has done for me, and I can't not love Him.  His love is proactive; my love is reactive.  I submit to Him, because His love compels me to.  Then what should submission look like in marriage?  I think it's my job, as a husband, to love Sarah and always put her best interest first.  I believe it is my job to serve her, to give to her, and to show my love for her in a manner so compelling that she cannot help but love me and follow me.  If I never have any intention of leading her somewhere that will be bad for her and only good for me, she will not have trouble submitting or following.  Submission has nothing to do with my wife serving me or obeying my bully commandments.  According to 1 Corinthians 13, if I love her, that's not how I'm going to roll, anyway.  It has to do with following my lead as I follow Christ's lead.

The obvious problem lies in people not reading Ephesians 5:21 before they get to Ephesians 5:22.  "Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ."  So it is the wife's job to submit, but the husband's supposed to be doing that, too.

who's walking your child down the aisle?

Much of our wedding is a blur to me.  It all happened so fast, and it happened nine years ago.  Everything flew by, except for one moment.  There was one moment when time stopped, and it was  when Sarah stepped to the door and came into view.  There she was, absolutely beautiful – not because she was all done up for our wedding, but because she is - standing with her dad.  The dress did not make her look beautiful; she made the dress worth looking at.

The music changed to Canon in D, and they began walking down the aisle towards me.  As they got closer, I could see that I wasn’t the only one in tears over this moment.  Sarah’s dad had tears streaming down his face: tears of pride, tears of love, and maybe even Tears for Fears.  Our pastor began to talk, and he came around to one of the most important questions of the day: “Who gives this daughter to be married to this man.”  Sarah's dad answered, “Her mother and I.”

I would compare a father walking his daughter down the aisle to parents teaching their children the things of God.  When a person places his faith in Jesus Christ, he becomes a part of a wedding ceremony, where Jesus Christ, the Bridegroom, receives His bride, the church.  Before a bride can marry her groom, she must get down the aisle.  Before a child will accept Jesus as his Savior, he will need to learn about Jesus.  At the end of each action is the moment when someone places the child’s hand into the hand of another.

What earns a person the right to walk a child down the aisle?  Merely being biologically involved in the conception of the child does not qualify a person to take place in a wedding ceremony.  A father – or a grandfather, an uncle, a mentor, etc. – earns his place by being actively involved in his daughter’s life.  He earns it by loving her, by taking part in raising her and teaching her how to be an adult.  It is unfortunate that there are times when a surrogate is required, because the father has chosen to be absent in the raising of his children.  He had his fun and left.  It is sad that another man would have the opportunity to make the most profound masculine impact on another person’s daughter.

It is also sad when a person makes the most profound spiritual impact on someone else’s child.  I pray that as soon as he understands, Jakob will place his faith in Jesus Christ, and I will be certain to be involved in this process.  Sarah and I refuse to allow someone else to be the number one spiritual influence on him.  When he walks the aisle to join Jesus, it will be because we held his hand and led him there.

Do you want your child to find his way down the aisle by himself?  Do you want someone else to have to lead him there?  Or, do you want to do what it takes to be the one to walk your own child down the aisle to meet Jesus?

 

What I pray for Jakob

I put effort into not saying the exact same thing every night that I pray for Jakob.  It takes effort, because I pray for generally the same things each night, but I don't want it to hold as much meaning as a script.  Jesus warned against using vain repetitions when teaching us how to pray.  I think, to an extent, we can cheapen the words we use with God.  I'll go out on a limb here and suggest that God probably doesn't wipe tears from his anthropomorphic eyes every time He hears "The Lord's Prayer."  He never told us to pray that prayer constantly.  He said to pray "in this manner," which is tantamount to saying, "like this."  It is a format, not a script. When we choose rather to blurt out a script to God than to have a conversation with Him, I think we miss the meaning of prayer.  I feel strongly about this, and I have for a long time, so I make it a point not to teach Jakob to pray this way.

I do have a basic format for my prayer over Jakob, though, and the first part comes from Numbers 6:24-26.  This is the blessing that God instructed Moses to instruct Aaron and his sons to pray over the people of Israel.  Most nights, Sarah reads him his Bible, and then I pray with him.  That's our standard pattern, but sometimes we switch it up, or if one of us isn't feeling well, the other will do both things.

In not so many words, I pray over Jakob and ask God the following things:

• Bless him.  Bless his life abundantly.  Help us to be a blessing to him.


• Keep him.  Do not let him stray from You.  Help us to teach him to follow You.


• Make Your face to shine upon him.  Make him prosperous in everything he sets his mind to, and help him to be more financially sound than I have been.


• Give him peace.  Help him to have the peace of God in his life, and help him to have peace tonight as he sleeps.


• Please give him an awesome wife like You have given me. (When Sarah prays over him, she leaves this out.)


• Above all, please draw him to You.  Please allow him the opportunity to accept your Son as Savior at the earliest age possible.

Then I tell him that I love him.  I give him a tight hug, a kiss goodnight, and I tuck him in.

Do you pray over your kids before bed?  What things do find yourself praying for?

beautiful: the virtue of women

We started a new series on Sunday.  The title of this post is the title of the series.  We'll be looking at the value God has placed on women and how that should effect how men and women act.  Having known women all of my life, I feel qualified to teach this series.  Actually, it's easy for me to talk about what a virtuous woman is, having been raised by one and being blessed enough to be married to one, as well.  I'll post the slides and the notes that go with each slide.  Enjoy, or don't, or land somewhere in the middle.  Those are your choices. 

 

We talked about the stereotypes that dictate the answers to these questions.  We also talked about the stereotypes of how men and women are.  In short, Men are not bumbling idiots that need rescuing by a good woman.  God created men to lead their families spiritually.  Do you think He would give that assignment to an idiot?  Just the same, women were not created to be eye candy.  God didn’t make them for the purpose of serving men.  God created them the be beautiful, to be virtuous, to be great.

Beauty is more than an external feature.  There is obviously outward beauty, but there is far more than than.  I talked about what drew and draws me to Sarah, besides her good looks, of course.

Women are excellent.  I asked what makes a person excellent to them.  I had already talked about what I consider excellent, which are the things that drew me to Sarah.

The value of an individual is intrinsic, because God made us that way.

Mankind is uniquely special, because God hand formed him and breathed His very breath into his lungs.  The term “breath of life” has greater implications than simply oxygen.  It was at this moment that God imparted a soul to man.  No animal has that.  That is beautiful.  It makes us valuable.  I also quoted a portion from our wedding ceremony: "Woman is twice refined.  Man was refined from the dirt, but woman is twice refined, because she was made out of man."

A counterpart is the corresponding part.  To correspond is to suit, to be equal with, to be adequately proportioned.  Another quote from our wedding ceremony: "She was taken out of man’s side, to stand beside him.  God did not take her from his head, to rule over him, and not from his feet, to be walked on."

ASV: "A worthy woman who can find? For her price is far above rubies."  The Hebrew word indicates value, strength, capability, substance, worth.  I ended with the following challenges:

Ladies: girls are easy to find.  They are everywhere.  There are more of you than there are of us.  But a virtuous woman?  That’s a tough find.  That is worth looking for.  Many people spend way too much time trying to fix their looks to meet up with society’s standards.  Let’s face it.  We cannot choose what we look like.  We can go to extreme measures to cover up our looks, but God created us the way He wants us to look.  You can choose virtue, though.  You can choose beauty.  You can choose your own worth.  No man has the right to define that for you.

Gentlemen: The value of a virtuous woman is far greater than precious stones.  They are not easy to come by, and they are not to be used and discarded.  They are to be treated with the value that God has placed on them, not the value that you would choose to place on them.  They are His daughters.  They are His work.  They are His prize.  Be careful.

This weekend, Dan Sherman will be teaching on marriage.  It definitely relates to the value, virtue, and beauty of women.  Just wait.  You'll see.

 

getting angry with God

I think most Christians have, at one time or another, been angry at God.  I’m not sure they realize they are angry at Him when they are, though.  I base this completely on my experience, so I could be wrong.  It may be different for everyone else, but many times when I listen to another Christian talk, and I recognize they are angry at God, it sounds like they don’t know it.  At the very least, many would not openly admit it.

After Sarah was injured in our car accident in 2002, I was a walking explosive.  It didn’t take much to set me off.  Sarah found it embarrassing for people to watch her transfer from the car to her wheelchair, so I got really angry every time someone watched.  Of course, elderly people are always suspicious of teenage-looking people parking in handicap spots, so they constantly stared.  My response?  I would fold my arms, stare right into their car and talk angrily at them.  They tended to stop watching.  A few continued watching, finding great relief when they realized Sarah was injured and not stealing a spot.  That made me even angrier.

I’ve never been a fist fight guy, but my anger had escalated to the point that when I saw someone mimicking Sarah’s walking while she was still quite new to walking again, I offered to fight him and his two friends.  I made it clear that I would throw down with all three of them, and I was going to be the only one walking away from it.  I was sincere, and they believed me, and they took a pass on my invitation.  It was completely out of character for me, but on that day, and in that time in my life, it was who I had become.

Now, I had all kinds of faith.  I truly believed Sarah would walk again.  She was actually walking by the time that last story happened, which you must have inferred from my saying, “…mimicking Sarah’s walking…”  You are smart like that.  Still, I was an angry person.  Was I mad at God?  Not if you asked me back then.  I wasn’t mad at God.  I was just mad at the situation.  I was just mad at life.  I was just mad.

In looking back at that time in life, I can recognize now that I was so angry at God.  Deep down, I was so angry at what He had allowed to happen in our lives.  I was angry that Sarah was hurt.  What I didn’t realize for a long time, though, is that I was most angry that I was not in control.  I had this perception of control in my life.  I had a great wife, a great job, and I was on my way to doing what I really wanted to do with my life.  I had it figured out, and I was making it happen.  Then something else happened entirely.  Life wasn’t going so great, and I couldn’t change it.  I didn’t have the power to change anything.  I had no control, and that was the scariest thing in the world to me.

I remember a particular moment when I was in a heated discussion with God – more like heatedly talking at God – about how Sarah just had to be healed.  I was face down on the ground in our living room crying and praying.  I felt God telling me to get my Bible and read Job 38, so I did.  Here’s what I read:

“Brace yourself like a man; I will question you, and you shall answer me.  “Then the LORD spoke to Job out of the storm. He said: “Who is this that obscures my plans with words without knowledge? Where were you when I laid the earth’s foundation?  Tell me, if you understand. Who marked off its dimensions? Surely you know!     Who stretched a measuring line across it?  On what were its footings set, or who laid its cornerstone— while the morning stars sang together and all the angels shouted for joy?”  I read on, but I dwelt on the first words.  Who was I to question God’s plans?  I thought I was saying all the right things, but I lacked knowledge.  I don’t know how any of this works, but I was daring to question God, Who does, on how He does His job.

I laid there for a while more, still crying, but not in anger.  I cried in shame.  I had no right to be angry and question God.  His thoughts are higher than my thoughts, and His ways are higher than my ways.  Shame on me for asking “How dare You?”  How dare I?  I wish I could say that I learned my lesson so well that it never happened again, but I didn’t.  I’ve been angry with God since.  He always tells me to brace myself like a man and listen up.