what is a chumpstain?

Throughout my marriage, I have shocked and awed Sarah with some of the things I say and do in my sleep. For instance, when I was working full time and going to school full time, I was a tired guy. It took me a while to adjust to this fatigue. For the first month of it, I would come home from work at 10:30 PM and crash right away. Once I'm asleep, I do not like being disturbed. Sarah knew this, so I say she took a calculated risk when she decided that working out in the bedroom when I was asleep. She was lifting weights on my side of the room, right next to the bed, and I guess I didn't like it. When she was bent over noisily adjusting the equipment, clanging metal on metal, I half rolled out of bed and kicked her right in the tooshy.

You would think Sarah would have learned her lesson about messing with a sleeping me, but nope, she didn't. One day, while I was crashed on the couch, she decided she wanted to do some laundry. She wanted to do all the whites, including the undershirt I was wearing. She came and nudged me and asked for it. I squirmed and mumbled, and I definitely did not concede. She decided to try to get the shirt off of me herself. This didn't work either. I wriggled more, and more angrily grunted, like Tim Taylor. Finally, I sat up straight pretty quickly and looked right at her. She thought I was annoyed enough to give her the shirt. Nope. After a couple of seconds, I laid down again, only with my head on the other side of the couch. Ever persistent, Sarah walked over to the other side of the couch and continued her pursuit. I didn't take this well at all. In fact, I'm pretty sure I got angry, although I was asleep, so I can't say for sure. After I felt she had gone too far, I sat up again, looked right at her again, and said very caustically, "LAY OFF ME, CHUMPSTAINS!" Then I laid back down and slept like nothing had ever happened. I'm pretty sure that Sarah will never attempt to de-shirt me while I sleep ever again, lest she face the wrath of sleepy time Jeff.

By the way, I'm really not sure what a chumpstain is, but it sounds like a horrible combination of a chump and a stain. I'd never used the phrase before this, but I've been sure to use it often since then.