who likes bad music?

Either a lot of Christians do, or a lot of pastors think their people do. I have a lot of bad southern gospel group related memories. I don't like southern gospel to begin with, mostly because I don't like country music. I don't care if it's in a shiny new Bible cover. It's still country to me, and I don't like it. So imagine how I feel when an untalented southern gospel group would show up to the church I was attending?

Of course, not all bad memories are bad memories. Some groups were so awful that they became iconic to me and probably to other people in the church. I remember one group of very obese men from when I was in high school. Their keyboard player reminded me of the GORILLA from Show Biz Pizza. It was not enjoyable until my youth pastor asked if anyone knew who what a joint heir was, and my friend answered, "yeah, it's a fat guy in a suit that doesn't sing really well." I now relish the memory. You might have guessed they were called the Joint Heirs. Good deduction skills!

The pinnacle of bad music is the guy that gets up there and sings all the part himself. He's laid down some hot tracks of himself singing the different parts, and he sings along with himself. If you've never experienced this, you probably doubt this mythical beast exists, but I promise you, he does. One of these guys came to my last church, in Florida, and it was bad. I was sitting there on the 2nd row, thoroughly not enjoying myself, when he decided it was time to ask who wanted him back at their church. I think a few hands went up. I don't remember. What I do remember was him saying, "Come on, show your pastor you want me to come back by raising your hands." Perhaps a few more hands went up, but mine didn't. I had both arms outstretched on the back of the pew. He made eye contact me, and his eyes seemed to beg me to raise my hand. Surely you're enjoying this, right? I kept my arms where the were and my eyes locked on his eyes. After a couple of seconds of eye contact, I shook my head no. No sir, I don't ever want to hear your music again. If fact, if you could pack up now and not finish out your set, I would be greatly indebted to you.

Had he not made pleading eye contact with me, giving me the opportunity to tell him no, this would have just gone down as another bad memory. Instead, this is a great memory for me. I was proud of standing up for my ears and everyone else's for that matter.