WHAT iS FAiTH??

this cut is written by Sarah. I stole it from her myspace. Enjoy.
......................
one does a lot of thinking at 3 in the morning [no one tell my Gampa that I was up this late...]

I was thinking of how I wish I had a Fun Size Snickers (why aren't the King Sized ones the Fun Size ones?? is it b/c there's nothing fun about 1,000 calories in something that's smaller than most TV remotes??)

... and I was also thinking about how God has a reason for everything.

that I know that He has a reason for everything.

but that when things get stressful and a bit saddening, I forget to have FAiTH and I go into what-can-I-do-to-hurry-God's-will-along mode.

don't get me wrong, I believe that one must be pro-active in God's will - since He can't complete His will for our lives w/o us...

but we need to have FAiTH that He will take care of those who love Him.

I get caught up in this thought flight pattern of "well, I know God CAN do such-&-such, but I don't know if He WiLL". and I fly around in that for awhile, assuaging myself in the thought that God can do anything [especially in thoughts pertaining to my healing].

....*DUH*....

I think EVERYONE knows that God CAN do anything. but only His children believe that He WiLL.

since we moved here, I've been speed-dating jobs.
the first one, I left for moral reasons.
the second one, I'm having to leave b/c I was not fully informed of all my job duties and it turns out I can't physically do them all. [being so, I'm only getting 9ish hours/week...]

boo.

so I'm waiting to hear s o m e t h i n g from a n y o n e about a job. I'm working now... but at $7/hr at 9 hours a week.. that's barely enough to pay utilities.
I've applied for a giant's handful of jobs, but none of them have responded with anything but "thanks for applying, we'll keep your resume on file..." file 13, was it?....

and I was thinking,

God's sustaining us w/enough money from Jeff's paycheck... from the small job I have now... and from the short-lived job I had before....

so He's taking care of us.
He wouldn't leave us.

it's just : "NOT YET"

and I'm sure that every job that's come along so far has been "NO" b/c it hasn't been the right job.

not the one He wants me to have.

so I'm getting

discouraged
sad
worried
and doubtful that I'll be able to get a job that I'll like.

instead of having FAiTH that God will give me the job that He wants me to have.

and I think "yea - I have FAiTH! I know You'll provide me a job soon!!"
but sometimes it's hard for me do discern between FAiTH, and confidence b/c I want a certain thing so bad I make it real.

and then it's weird... b/c in those moments, you realize that God DOES know our hearts better than we do.

it's those days,

when : I finally realize that I've been a butthead and, instead of walking BESiDE God, I try to walk ahead of Him b/c I think He's not walking fast enough.

when : I remember that

FAiTH iS NOT BELiEViNG THAT GOD CAN, iT'S KNOWiNG THAT HE WiLL.