you can't have Jakob

i was holding Jakob the other day, and got a bit choked up thinking about how much i love him. how precious he is, how innocent he is, and how sweet his heart is. about what he'll be when he's older; how he can only improve in character, beauty and personality. Jeff and i both love him so much. life is just so much better, so much more blessed with him in our lives.
and then i thought about Jesus. about how precious, innocent and sweet His heart is to His Father. how, just as Jakob is our only child, He was God's only child.
then i was saddened to think about losing Jakob. and, since i try to remove myself as far as possible from the aforementioned thought, i was also quite saddened to think about God losing His one and only Son. who was sent to spread His Father's love and save us all from eternal damnation. God sent Him knowing that His life on earth would present challenges and intense pain. but His love extended so far to us, that He was willing to share His only Son with us. knowing that it would end in a brutal, unimaginable death. but He also knew Jesus was strong enough to endure and stay faithful. and that He would do so with a servant's heart. because His heart's desire was that of His Father's. when the time came for Him to give His life, He went willingly. knowing that it meant His Father would have to turn His face from Him, as He would take on the world's sin. the sin of those who hated Him, and the ones to come who would not believe.

i am not as willing as God. it breaks my heart to think of him in the position Christ was in. there is no one in the world that i would give his life for. including those i love. it may sound harsh, but it's the truth. (come on. you can't be that hurt; those who love him wouldn't want that anyway.) when i look at his face, watch him sleep, am embraced in his hugs, i couldn't imagine sacrificing him for anything. now that i'm a mother, it occurs to me how truly special God's gift, His only Son, is. how much praise and adoration He deserves. and how thankful we should truly be for God's love for us. because to ask any man to give his son (or daughter), is unthinkable.

only one of innumerable reasons why God is God and i am not.