Have you ever struggled with being bitter? I have. I think most of us have. I think it starts out with being hurt, but then it escalates. There's a difference between hurting and being bitter. I'm not sure there's an exact line you can draw and say, "if it's been ____ days/weeks/months/years, you're just being bitter," but I am sure that bitterness is obvious. It may not be obvious to the bitter person, but it has a way of revealing itself to the rest of us. I have gone through being bitter, only to have someone who cares enough about me to tell me I needed to shape up.
My bitterness started with legitimate hurting. I had been hurt by something that I cared a great deal for and had placed an enormous amount of faith in: the church. It sucked. Pastors don't go into ministry expecting to get chewed up and spit out. Professors do tell you that most people that go into ministry do not last, but they make it sound like its entirely the fault of the weak individual who falls out of ministry. They forget to tell you that there are probably people who "have made it" in ministry only to step all over the young pastors.
Coming out of a place of hurt, I actually found it therapeutic to read some blogs and follow some twitter accounts that reflected how I felt. These guys had been through what I had been through, to varying extents, and I identified with their pain. I guess it comforted me to know that I wasn't the only one that had been there. I can't say that it was overly helpful, though. Time passed, and I continued reading their posts and tweets, and I began to notice something. Every time I read something, it would put me back in the negative place I had been before. I would feel like the wound was fresh, the anger was justified, and I would stew over it for a while.
I made the decision to stop reading certain blogs, following certain tweeters, and I unsubscribed from some people's Facebook feeds. I cannot get myself to delete most people from Facebook. I would feel too guilty. I think I've only ever unfriended two people ever, but they were definitely not friends, and they went out of their way to show it. Anyway, I cut off ties to negative people. I stopped feeding that part of my flesh. And you know what? I missed it at first. I would think about going to blogs just to see what was going on, but I would stop myself. As time went by, I stopped missing it. I don't like being upset, anymore.
Who in your life is causing you to always think negatively? Who in your life is causing you to sin in your mind? Are you in a position that you could lovingly tell them to shape up, as one of my mentors did for me? If not, maybe it's time, as the new year rolls in, to stop listening to that person. Stop reading their material. Start focusing on those things that build you up, draw you closer to God, and make you a better person.
Philippians 4:8, "Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things."
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
Friday, December 16, 2011
his first "I love you"
Jakob doesn't say much. He is not like his dad. His pediatrician suggested we have him checked just to make sure there were no looming issues causing his delayed speech, which was a nice way to make us worry over nothing for two months while we waited for him to be seen. Turns out he is very smart, just as we suspected, and he just doesn't talk, because he doesn't want to and doesn't need to. All that being said, he just doesn't have the expansive vocabulary of some kids his age.
One thing we've been dying for him to say is, "I love you." He's known it was a good phrase since he was just a little baby. I have a picture of him in my office - taken by Sunshine & Daisies Photography - with him smiling in response to my saying, "I love you," to him. He wouldn't smile for the photographer, so I leaned over him, made eye contact, and I told him that I loved him. His face lit up. He didn't know what it meant, but he knew it was a positive phrase he had heard 100 times a day for the two and a half months he'd been around. We figured that we had said it so much that it would have been one of his very first things to say. It wasn't.
On Tuesday, I asked Jakob who my buddy was. He pointed to himself. I asked him who his buddy was. He pointed to me and said, "buddy!" Then he kept saying buddy over and over. This is a common "game" we play. I thought maybe he was in a talkative mood, so I would try to teach him to say, "love." It was better than nothing. So I asked him, "Jakob, who does Daddy love?" He said, "Mommy!" What a smart boy. I agreed that I did love his mommy, but then I asked again, "But who else does Daddy love?" He pointed at himself and said, "love!" I asked him who he loved, and he pointed at me, touching my chest with his finger, and he yelled, "love!" It was his first "I love you," but it is something that has been repeated non-stop all week by Sarah and me.
One thing we've been dying for him to say is, "I love you." He's known it was a good phrase since he was just a little baby. I have a picture of him in my office - taken by Sunshine & Daisies Photography - with him smiling in response to my saying, "I love you," to him. He wouldn't smile for the photographer, so I leaned over him, made eye contact, and I told him that I loved him. His face lit up. He didn't know what it meant, but he knew it was a positive phrase he had heard 100 times a day for the two and a half months he'd been around. We figured that we had said it so much that it would have been one of his very first things to say. It wasn't.
On Tuesday, I asked Jakob who my buddy was. He pointed to himself. I asked him who his buddy was. He pointed to me and said, "buddy!" Then he kept saying buddy over and over. This is a common "game" we play. I thought maybe he was in a talkative mood, so I would try to teach him to say, "love." It was better than nothing. So I asked him, "Jakob, who does Daddy love?" He said, "Mommy!" What a smart boy. I agreed that I did love his mommy, but then I asked again, "But who else does Daddy love?" He pointed at himself and said, "love!" I asked him who he loved, and he pointed at me, touching my chest with his finger, and he yelled, "love!" It was his first "I love you," but it is something that has been repeated non-stop all week by Sarah and me.
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
my top 5 fondest Christmas memories
Going the same places every year, listening to the same Manheim Steamroller tape the whole way, being around the same people can cause a lot of Christmases to blend together. Many of mine do. But there are some special memories that stand out through the years, and after giving it minutes of thought, I have compiled my top five Christmas memories. I will go in reverse order.
5. Receiving my first pairs of boxer shorts in 6th grade. Yes, that was a biggie and worthy of top 5 placement. I knew from gym class that I was about the only boy in 6th grade without them, and I did get picked on. So I asked for some for Christmas, and I got a black with white polkadot pair and a white/black/purple/green striped pair. See how they stand out in my mind? I remember being excited to get to the locker room, so everyone could see how cool I was. I also remember realizing before I got to gym class that this was the weirdest thing ever, and I probably shouldn't be excited about people seeing my undies.
4. Getting a teal scooter for my first grade Christmas. Scooters were so cool back then. They weren't little razor thin scooters with sleek tires. They had mountain bike thick tires. I was so pumped to ride it, but it was winter in Detroit, so I had to ride it for several months around the basement. I would pretend to do tricks, but really, I just pulled up on the handle bars, lifting only the front tire for a moment, and then went back down again. But the sound effects made it seem more extreme.
3. Seeing my entire family for Christmas in 2006. It had been a while since I had seen everyone - we were living in Florida, Dan was living in Texas, and I think Steve was in Seattle then, but I'm not sure - so finally getting to see all of my siblings, nieces and nephews was great. It was another 5 years before everyone was in town all at the same time again. It's hard with family spread out in various states.
2. Our first Christmas with Jakob. Here's his first time hearing the Christmas story.
http://vimeo.com/8430327
1. The day Sarah allegedly said, "yes." I asked her to marry me on Christmas day in 2000, and she says she said it, but I never heard it. We're still disputing over that, but since we are married, it's a fairly inconsequential battle.
5. Receiving my first pairs of boxer shorts in 6th grade. Yes, that was a biggie and worthy of top 5 placement. I knew from gym class that I was about the only boy in 6th grade without them, and I did get picked on. So I asked for some for Christmas, and I got a black with white polkadot pair and a white/black/purple/green striped pair. See how they stand out in my mind? I remember being excited to get to the locker room, so everyone could see how cool I was. I also remember realizing before I got to gym class that this was the weirdest thing ever, and I probably shouldn't be excited about people seeing my undies.
4. Getting a teal scooter for my first grade Christmas. Scooters were so cool back then. They weren't little razor thin scooters with sleek tires. They had mountain bike thick tires. I was so pumped to ride it, but it was winter in Detroit, so I had to ride it for several months around the basement. I would pretend to do tricks, but really, I just pulled up on the handle bars, lifting only the front tire for a moment, and then went back down again. But the sound effects made it seem more extreme.
3. Seeing my entire family for Christmas in 2006. It had been a while since I had seen everyone - we were living in Florida, Dan was living in Texas, and I think Steve was in Seattle then, but I'm not sure - so finally getting to see all of my siblings, nieces and nephews was great. It was another 5 years before everyone was in town all at the same time again. It's hard with family spread out in various states.
2. Our first Christmas with Jakob. Here's his first time hearing the Christmas story.
http://vimeo.com/8430327
1. The day Sarah allegedly said, "yes." I asked her to marry me on Christmas day in 2000, and she says she said it, but I never heard it. We're still disputing over that, but since we are married, it's a fairly inconsequential battle.
Thursday, December 8, 2011
Christmas time with the Selphs
Christmas is obviously a special time in our family, as it surely is in pretty much every Christian family. Celebrating the birth of our Savior is an opportunity to reflect on God's grace toward us, but I worry that it is an opportunity that isn't taken full advantage of. I know we have been guilty in the past of merely reading the Christmas story in Luke quickly, so we could get to our presents.
Our Christmas program touched on this a little. All of the noise around Christmas - the shopping, the food, seeing family, traveling, etc. - can and does tend to drown out the primary reason. We celebrate Christmas because Jesus came here to die for us. We give gifts, celebrate with family, and have parties to commemorate this fact. It is not something that should be thrown in as an aside. It is the main course of our celebration, and we shouldn't negligently relegate it to side dish status.
We have a tradition in our home, carried on from the tradition in my home growing up. For us, we get up Christmas morning, and before we eat breakfast or open a single present, we read the Christmas story together. For now, we read it from Jakob's Jesus Storybook Bible. We also take time between Thanksgiving and Christmas to give something up that we are thankful for, just as Christ gave up everything to come here. Sometimes that's hard. Sometimes we slip a little. But the point is focusing on being grateful.
What can you do to amplify your gratefulness and your focus on Jesus coming here to die for you?
Our Christmas program touched on this a little. All of the noise around Christmas - the shopping, the food, seeing family, traveling, etc. - can and does tend to drown out the primary reason. We celebrate Christmas because Jesus came here to die for us. We give gifts, celebrate with family, and have parties to commemorate this fact. It is not something that should be thrown in as an aside. It is the main course of our celebration, and we shouldn't negligently relegate it to side dish status.
We have a tradition in our home, carried on from the tradition in my home growing up. For us, we get up Christmas morning, and before we eat breakfast or open a single present, we read the Christmas story together. For now, we read it from Jakob's Jesus Storybook Bible. We also take time between Thanksgiving and Christmas to give something up that we are thankful for, just as Christ gave up everything to come here. Sometimes that's hard. Sometimes we slip a little. But the point is focusing on being grateful.
What can you do to amplify your gratefulness and your focus on Jesus coming here to die for you?
Monday, November 21, 2011
the day they took my flag
You don't have to spend much time in SEC country to know that Southerners are passionate about college football. If you wear anything with a logo from a team outside the conference, they will swiftly heckle you and remind you that the SEC is the best conference (which it clearly is). Their team could have four wins the entire season, but somehow, their team is better than yours, because "if they played in the Big 10, they would be undefeated." I heard it all the time in my four years in Florida.
The most extreme time for any outsider fan is when your team is slotted to play the local favorite in a bowl game. You will hear for a solid month about how bad your team is and how badly they will perform. When Michigan was scheduled to play Florida in the 2008 Outback Bowl, things got started quickly. My boss quickly pointed out that Michigan had never even beaten an SEC team, which was inaccurate. He demanded an example, so I pointed to the last time they had played Florida in a bowl game. Michigan won. That didn't stifle it, though. I was a youth pastor, and I was subjected to cracks about Michigan every Sunday morning and evening service leading up to the game. Many of those jokes came from behind the pulpit, whether during a sermon or announcements. I'm slightly surprised the music pastor didn't get involved by making the choir sing THIS SONG. (<-- warning: this song is offensive to people who don't like "the D word" or love the state of Michigan).
The day finally came, and Michigan did beat Florida. I was one happy youth pastor. I wore a different Michigan shirt every day that week, and I moved my Michigan flag from my wall to hanging over my office door. This was a brilliant move, because everybody who visited our school would see it, and most people that came to church would see it. But then I showed up on the Sunday morning immediately following the game, and my flag was gone. It had been taken by my boss. I was replaced on the morning duty sheet by someone else giving announcements. I approached my boss and asked what the big deal was. His answer? "You just can't talk about football during church. It doesn't lend to worship. And we know you'll say something." What? I had been to 8 straight church services where college football had been mentioned. It seemed okay when they were doing it, but it was no longer okay when it was my turn. They took my flag, and they took my voice.
And to say that I couldn't behave myself and not mention the game while giving announcements? That's crazy. Our pastor was sick, and I had to take over duties that same Sunday night, and I didn't say one word about the game from the stage. I did, however, rope a teenager into playing a CD I had given him as I was walking up on stage. I just let "Hail to the Victors" play out while I stood on stage and smiled. But I didn't say one word, because that wouldn't have been conducive to worship.
The most extreme time for any outsider fan is when your team is slotted to play the local favorite in a bowl game. You will hear for a solid month about how bad your team is and how badly they will perform. When Michigan was scheduled to play Florida in the 2008 Outback Bowl, things got started quickly. My boss quickly pointed out that Michigan had never even beaten an SEC team, which was inaccurate. He demanded an example, so I pointed to the last time they had played Florida in a bowl game. Michigan won. That didn't stifle it, though. I was a youth pastor, and I was subjected to cracks about Michigan every Sunday morning and evening service leading up to the game. Many of those jokes came from behind the pulpit, whether during a sermon or announcements. I'm slightly surprised the music pastor didn't get involved by making the choir sing THIS SONG. (<-- warning: this song is offensive to people who don't like "the D word" or love the state of Michigan).
The day finally came, and Michigan did beat Florida. I was one happy youth pastor. I wore a different Michigan shirt every day that week, and I moved my Michigan flag from my wall to hanging over my office door. This was a brilliant move, because everybody who visited our school would see it, and most people that came to church would see it. But then I showed up on the Sunday morning immediately following the game, and my flag was gone. It had been taken by my boss. I was replaced on the morning duty sheet by someone else giving announcements. I approached my boss and asked what the big deal was. His answer? "You just can't talk about football during church. It doesn't lend to worship. And we know you'll say something." What? I had been to 8 straight church services where college football had been mentioned. It seemed okay when they were doing it, but it was no longer okay when it was my turn. They took my flag, and they took my voice.
And to say that I couldn't behave myself and not mention the game while giving announcements? That's crazy. Our pastor was sick, and I had to take over duties that same Sunday night, and I didn't say one word about the game from the stage. I did, however, rope a teenager into playing a CD I had given him as I was walking up on stage. I just let "Hail to the Victors" play out while I stood on stage and smiled. But I didn't say one word, because that wouldn't have been conducive to worship.
Thursday, November 17, 2011
who are you imitating?
Here's moment of honesty for you: I do not get excited at the prospect of reading most Christian books. I don't care if it was written by a famous author, or if everyone is reading it. I just don't get too thrilled about it. I generally read my Bible, my textbooks, and fiction novels. I only enjoy two of those three. But I am excited about a book I recently picked up, because it is right up my alley. It is about something that I am already trying to accomplish. It's called, Legacy Path, and it's about raising your kids to follow God by following the example you set for them.
It is my goal that Jakob could be just like me and be incredibly close to being like Jesus. I want to live a life that is pleasing to God. I want to be constantly moving in His direction, growing more and more like Him as the days go by. Why? Well, I used to want to live out my Christian life to impress my parents and people at church. As I grew, my priorities began shifting. I started to seek out God for my own good. I wanted to please God, and when I felt I that I was accomplishing that, it gave me a sense of worth. But lately, my priorities have shifted again. I still want to please God. That's still my primary motivation. It is a desire in my own heart, and I do feel a sense of worth when I feel like I'm accomplishing that, but it is no longer my only motivation. I also want to live a life pleasing to God, so that Jakob will learn from me how that's done.
As Jakob grows and wrestles with his faith and how to live a proper life, I want to be able to repeatedly give him the same advice. No matter where he's at, I want to be able to listen to his questions, look him in the eye, and say, "Imitate me, as I also imitate Christ." Do I think I can say that right now? Not in every area, no. Is it feasible to get there? I think so. Paul got there. That isn't a quote original to me. It's actually a direct quote of 1 Corinthians 11:1.
So here's my question to you: if your kids imitate you, are they also imitating Christ? If not, who are you teaching them to imitate?
It is my goal that Jakob could be just like me and be incredibly close to being like Jesus. I want to live a life that is pleasing to God. I want to be constantly moving in His direction, growing more and more like Him as the days go by. Why? Well, I used to want to live out my Christian life to impress my parents and people at church. As I grew, my priorities began shifting. I started to seek out God for my own good. I wanted to please God, and when I felt I that I was accomplishing that, it gave me a sense of worth. But lately, my priorities have shifted again. I still want to please God. That's still my primary motivation. It is a desire in my own heart, and I do feel a sense of worth when I feel like I'm accomplishing that, but it is no longer my only motivation. I also want to live a life pleasing to God, so that Jakob will learn from me how that's done.
As Jakob grows and wrestles with his faith and how to live a proper life, I want to be able to repeatedly give him the same advice. No matter where he's at, I want to be able to listen to his questions, look him in the eye, and say, "Imitate me, as I also imitate Christ." Do I think I can say that right now? Not in every area, no. Is it feasible to get there? I think so. Paul got there. That isn't a quote original to me. It's actually a direct quote of 1 Corinthians 11:1.
So here's my question to you: if your kids imitate you, are they also imitating Christ? If not, who are you teaching them to imitate?
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
I don't put things together
The above picture is a picture of me pretending to put together Jakob's bed. From the looks of things, had I been working on it, I would have put the hammer right through the part of the frame. I don't usually participate in the putting together of things with "some assembly required." It's not that I can't put together a toddler bed, an entertainment center, or whatever. I can. I just move very slowly and get frustrated fairly easily.
Sarah, on the other hand, loves putting things together, and she likes showing off that she can do so without instructions. It started when she was in her wheelchair. We got a new TV, so we got a new entertainment center to put it on. She mentioned that she wished she could put the entertainment center together, so I told her to go ahead. She wasn't feeling the most handicapable at that time, so she wasn't confident she could do it. I helped down onto the floor, though, and I encouraged her. She sat there, and I handed her piece by piece as she assembled it. From then on, she became the one to put stuff together, unless it was too huge and needed my burly muscles. I have no idea why she enjoys it, but she does, and I'm content to let her do it.
This is what things being put together at our home really looks like.
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