We had two guys in our home church that were sure to please the super spiritual crowd when they were called upon to lead prayer. Everyone else knew it was a good time to have a bathroom emergency, beg your mom to pull the oversized 80's/90's shoulder pad that could double as a pillow out of her suit jacket, or grab your stop watch. I, personally, cannot make it through a five minute prayer with my eyes closed. I would fall asleep, which could cause me to fall out of my chair in church. That's never good. What's worse is when the five minute prayer is laden with King James vernacular. I won't care to argue Bible translation with you, but you can't honestly stand up and tell me that God has more respect for your prayer if you use KJ English. Am I to understand that God does not speak American English and the only way He can hear us is if we throw down our prayers old school like? You know what I'm talking about, right? You have heard it...
"Oh most gracious Heavenly Father, Thou art exalted high above all others. For Thou alone art God and art worthy of our humble exaltations to Thee. God, we know that if Thou wilt hear our prayers, Thou wilt bless us. Lord, help us to forsake this superfluity of naughtiness we have come to love more than Thee. Thou hast given us a better way than the riotous living of the lewd fellows of basor sort that we so often turn to..." Nothing says, "I'm way more spiritual than you," than a 5 minute King James prayer. So if you're looking for an edge the next time you are called to pray, make sure you have studied up on your KJV Bible and use its terminology early and often.
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