technology...sometimes it's a curse

Technology can make your life easier, but sometimes it can be a real pain in the butt. Seriously, look at this video *HT to Kezrush* and you'll see what I mean.



So yeah, this is my first post after finding out I have a child on the way. It hasn't changed me yet.

David Justice, Drugs, and Farting?

I was watching ESPN this morning, which has become rare for me. I really don't like the new live format (i.e. the new anchors are awful). But I had time to kill this morning, so I put on the only thing I know is on at that time. I had to change it, though. One story came on, and it was quickly tainting a beloved memory of my youth. Some guy is alleging that he provided David Justice with HGH. He even claims to have hand delivered it to him. Justice, of course, denies it. Now, I firmly believe it's not a story until it's really a story. I don't want to know every time a baseball player is accused of using performance enhancing drugs, but if they are found guilty, feel free to tell me. Anyway, I can't hear bad things about David Justice, because he holds a special place in my heart.

Let me take you back to 8th grade. I was 4'10", and maybe 90 pounds at best. I had a crush on a girl in my reading and history class. She sat to my right and one desk back. I remember this specifically, cause it made all the difference in the world on one fateful day. We were reading Johnny Tremain in history class that day. I felt like the class was never going to end, as I was holding back a ruthless, gaseous explosion for the last 15 minutes. Finally, Mr. Johnson told us to put our books away. Class was ending. I leaned over to my left (pointing my posterior to the right), so that I could pick up my folder: my David Justice folder. The pressure applied to my stomach by leaning over was more than it could take. Quite possibly the biggest, loudest fart I have ever produced came roaring out. I was so embarrassed at the time. You can imagine I never got around to asking that girl out. I was already afraid of girls, especially ones I assaulted with bodily noise. So that went by the wayside, but the folder remains. It is safely stored in a trunk in my parents' attic, with many other great memories from my childhood. David Justice is an icon to me. I don't know his stats. I don't know if he's in the hall of fame. I don't want to know if he did drugs. But I know he played for the braves, bats left handed, and lifts up his right leg before he swings. I know everything that folder tells me about him. The image is locked in my mind.

This seems fishy

So this is an update from a previous post. I still don't like Nancy Pelosi, but the source I quoted misquoted her. My long time friend, Sean (happens to be a lefty) helped me with this. Thanks, Sean.
_________________________


I rarely wax political, because I have people on both sides of the political lines that read my blog. I'm also not as interested in politics as I once was. I rarely get excited or worked up by either side these days. So I will only wax factual here. But I rather annoyed by quotes from our SOH regarding "family planning." That, of course, is usually code for planning not to have a family after you've gotten yourself pregnant. Here is a bit from her conversation with ABC:

STEPHANOPOULOS: Hundreds of millions of dollars to expand family planning services. How is that stimulus?

PELOSI: Well, the family planning services reduce cost. They reduce cost. The states are in terrible fiscal budget crises now and part of what we do for children's health, education and some of those elements are to help the states meet their financial needs. One of those - one of the initiatives you mentioned, the contraception, will reduce costs to the states and to the federal government.

STEPHANOPOULOS: So no apologies for that?

PELOSI: No apologies. No. we have to deal with the consequences of the downturn in our economy. Food stamps, unemployment insurance, some of the initiatives you just mentioned. what the economists have told us from right to left. There is more bang for the buck, a term they use, by investing in food stamps and in unemployment insurance than in any tax cut."

You can read the full transcript HERE. I'm still sickened by the less children = less cost to the taxpayer bit, especially when the solution to less children is Planned Parenthood. I don't want them getting any of my money, but it looks like they will be getting more. I am 100% against their ideology, both now and historically. You probably didn't know that Planned Parenthood was founded by a racist for racist purposes. That's just a free piece of information.

they call him the streak

Ray Stevens is hilarious. His songs made me laugh for hours as a kid. I liked "It's Me Again, Margaret" the most, with "The Streak" being a close 2nd. What's not to love about a song talking about a guy running around naked? Yeah, I couldn't think of anything either.

Well, there is another kind of streak standing strong right now. Actually, there are 2 streaks. The first is Sarah's. She has not thrown up in 19 years. That's insane. My streak is quite the opposite. For the last 7 years straight, I have thrown up between January 20-25. That's right, every year, between those dates, I get sick to my stomach. I don't know what it is. I don't really think about it and get worked up about it. It just happens, and then I realize that it's been exactly a year since the last time I threw up. It just happened again 30 minutes ago. I was laying on the bathroom floor, cause I knew it was coming. I remember thinking, "wait a minute. Today's the 21st. You've got to be expletively kidding me. I'm about to go for 7." Then I sat up and the festivities began. It's an odd phenomenon. Anyone got a good explanation for this oddity?

Buzz Lightyear Dance

Stop animation really amazes me. I have no idea how it works, and I honestly don't care. I have no aspirations to produce stop animation videos. But few things make me laugh more than a good stop animation dance video using action figures or legos. This happens to be one of my favorites of all the ones I've watched. I didn't really like the song, though, so I gave Buzz Lightyear a new soundtrack to dance to.

let's give them something to believe in

I think it's safe to say that anyone that grows up in a Baptist church has been encouraged (or forced) to learn Romans 10:13 at some point or another. I know that I know it, in King James of course. It's quite renowned, as it's part of the famous Romans Road. For years I had read and quoted this verse without any regard for the two verses that follow it. After reading those verses for the first time, which happened to be in 10th grade, I first felt the call to be in ministry. Here is what they say (I'll stick with KJV, since that's how I first read them):

14How then shall they call on him in whom they have not believed? and how shall they believe in him of whom they have not heard? and how shall they hear without a preacher?

15And how shall they preach, except they be sent? as it is written, How beautiful are the feet of them that preach the gospel of peace, and bring glad tidings of good things!

Lately, though, I have felt that those verses are perhaps more applicable to those that go to unreached regions, like missionaries do. I deduce this mostly on the fact that I have ugly feet, so it obviously can't mean me. I wonder if my friend David has beautiful feet. Dave, please comment and let us know. Anyway, I have a deep respect for missionaries, especially David. I've always looked up to him, as his life has always been consistent with his calling, much more so than mine. Without people like David and Sarah, there would be entire groups of people that would never hear the Gospel. Sadly, there are anyway. If God called you to go into another part of the world and give the people something to believe in, would you go? It's easy to say, "Of course, I'd go," when you aren't called. So if you're really willing to give up your whole life to go, don't you think you'd also be willing to give up a small part of your income to support those that do? If you have ugly feet like me, maybe you should consider having a beautiful checkbook instead.

here's a video he made to promote missions. It's hilarious, and it makes great points. Enjoy.

the basics of life

Leadership has great momentum in today's contemporary churches. Don't believe me? Go read any pastor's blog and see what topic has the most blog posts. Leadership is fine and dandy, and I'm not knocking it, although I'm not sure everyone really knows what it really means. :::Note - I don't want you posting a comment to tell me what you think it means. Thank you for your consideration.::: I know I want to be a good leader, but it is not my driving passion. I know that I am in a key role in our church that requires me to exhibit leadership skills, , but I think there are three qualifications that are more important to my role. They weren't listed in my job description *brief pause for laughter, as I never really got a job description*, but I know that they are important to God. So what should drive me? What questions should I ask myselph to gauge my effectiveness as a leader in His church and His world every day? Well, here's a list I like to call the basics of life (basics...whoa-oh-oh. basics of a-li-ife. thank you 4Him):

1. Have I done justly today?
2. Have I loved His mercy so much that I have extended it to those I have encountered today?
3. Have I walked humbly with my God today?

You can read 100 books on leadership, subscribe to all the blogs you want, and do your best to implement all the shiny new ideas on leadership floating around, but if you fail in these three areas (originally found in Micah 6:8), I'm not sure anyone will really want to follow you. In the words of Charlie Bucket, "Just in case you were wondering, you can count me out." We need to get back to the basics of life (a heart that is pure, and a love that is right...sorry. if it makes you feel any better, the song is now stuck in my head, too). I think God finds these things more pleasing than "taking it to the next level" as a leader. I've been thinking a lot about wanting to take it to the next level as a servant. So what's going to drive you?

Oh, and just in case you were getting nostalgic and thinking, "Dang, I need to listen to that song again..." here you go:

Executive Pastor gets slapped for going in the lady's room

Teens Involved brings up a lot of good memories for me. It also stirs up a lot of aggravation. But I want to share a great memory from 7th grade. We had area TI at a smaller church. I really don't remember where it was. What I do remember was placards labeling the bathroom doors as "Mens" and "Womens." The placards were very small, like a name placard you would have on your desk in your office. The best part about them was that they easily slid in and out. So my friend and I decided to switch them up. We put the "Mens" label on the Womens room, and vice versa. We then hung out and watched the fun ensue. If I remember correctly, my dad knew what was happening and was equally amused. If he didn't know in advance, he at least learned of the scheme midway through, and he made sure to watch before doing the adult thing and making us switch back.

The video below brought back fond memories of this day.


The Walk of Life from Jeff Selph on Vimeo.

And here's the raw footage with actual sound from the slap:

a God in our image

Do you ever feel like we have created God in our image, so as to make His personality more palatable? Are we really ready to handle God just as He is? For instance, there are some Christians who dwell so much on the fact that God is love that they pass right by the fact that God is just and holy. Then on the other side, you have a lot of Christians who are angry at the feel good "God is love" Christians, and they spend their lifetime viscerally shouting the judgment of God, without the hope of His love. Is either right? Yes, they are both right, because God is fully love, and God is fully just and holy. God is not exactly Who we think He is; He is so much more. The Israelites attempted to make God in an image they could understand when they made the golden calf, but God was not pleased. God does not like putting us into any image. We're supposed to put ourselves into His image.

Some of us will spend our lifetimes pursuing Christ-likeness as best we know how, but in the end, we will never get it right. We cannot grasp God in His fullness. That doesn't mean we shouldn't continue to endeavor to be like Him. The Bible tells us to grow in the knowledge of Jesus, but we will never get there...not till we see Him. 1 John 3:2 says, "Dear friends, we are God's children now, and what we will be has not yet been revealed. We know that when He appears, we will be like Him, because we will see Him as He is." I don't know what it's going to be like to really be like Christ, but the day is coming when I will know.

those were the days

Are you living in the past? Do you long to go back and relive the good old days? I'm pretty sure this video will make you want nothing to do with the good old days ever again. It's dedicated to my dad, who absolutely hates Edith Bunker.

Hold onto Jesus

So I finally got my first opportunity to preach at New Hope. I really enjoyed the experience, and the Hopies were very gracious toward me afterward.Yes, that's what I call people who attend there. One of my favorite parts of the service was when the praise team played, "Hold onto Jesus," by the OC Supertones. I requested the song for the challenge song, and I got my way. A cool, progressive church just played a Supertones song. In your face, ska haters! Here's the video of my Sunday 11:22 message. You will notice that the shirt in the picture is different than the shirt in the video. What can I say? There were thundershowers going on inside my shirt.


And here's the set up:

I love my in-laws, but I don't always put the effort into being close to them.
I love God, but I don't always put the effort into being close to Him.
He never lets me go. I screw up on my own. Will I keep letting go of Him?
Prodigal son, chumps...
Dan: "And He ran to me, held me in His arms, held my head to His chest, said, "my son's come home again..."
Lots of sweat and Cherry Coke
I lack the ability to be serious for too long


Jesus will never let go. Will you? from Jeff Selph on Vimeo.

the the King James prayer

We had two guys in our home church that were sure to please the super spiritual crowd when they were called upon to lead prayer. Everyone else knew it was a good time to have a bathroom emergency, beg your mom to pull the oversized 80's/90's shoulder pad that could double as a pillow out of her suit jacket, or grab your stop watch. I, personally, cannot make it through a five minute prayer with my eyes closed. I would fall asleep, which could cause me to fall out of my chair in church. That's never good. What's worse is when the five minute prayer is laden with King James vernacular. I won't care to argue Bible translation with you, but you can't honestly stand up and tell me that God has more respect for your prayer if you use KJ English. Am I to understand that God does not speak American English and the only way He can hear us is if we throw down our prayers old school like? You know what I'm talking about, right? You have heard it...

"Oh most gracious Heavenly Father, Thou art exalted high above all others. For Thou alone art God and art worthy of our humble exaltations to Thee. God, we know that if Thou wilt hear our prayers, Thou wilt bless us. Lord, help us to forsake this superfluity of naughtiness we have come to love more than Thee. Thou hast given us a better way than the riotous living of the lewd fellows of basor sort that we so often turn to..." Nothing says, "I'm way more spiritual than you," than a 5 minute King James prayer. So if you're looking for an edge the next time you are called to pray, make sure you have studied up on your KJV Bible and use its terminology early and often.

there's a boogar in your napkin?

Yesterdog is a hot dog mecca located in the Eastown district of Grand Rapids. It is, according to some, world famous. There are pictures of people wearing Yesterdog shirts all over the world, from the regular joe to the world famous. Although I am not his biggest fan (or perhaps not a fan at all), I was really impressed by the newest addition to their wall of fame: a huge picture of President elect Barack Obama, sporting a Yesterdog hat.

There is an elaborate history on the Yesterdog website, chronicling the hot dog super power, but there seems to be a little piece of history missing. You see, for years, they only ever had huge stacks of napkins on their tables. Napkin holders can just make things messier when your hands are dripping with chili and cheese. Yet, when my brother, our wives, and myselph returned to Yesterdog over Christmas vacation, things were different. There sat a newer napkin holder on every table. Why the switch? It wasn't out of convenience. What led to this change? Well, here's our version of what probably took place...

Four and a half years ago, Sarah and I went out with Dan and Katey to Yesterdog. That wasn't uncommon - after all, Dan eats hot dogs by the handful. Dan had to blow his nose, so he grabbed a napkin and did his thing. He then folded the napkin back like it was fresh from the stack. He put it halfway in the stack of napkins, joking that he was going to put it back and leave it for someone. Before Katey could grab it out of there, I reached over and hit the stack of napkins several times, losing one napkin (booger and all) in a sea of hundreds. So rather than digging for it and inspecting each one, we left it. Someone somewhere eventually got a bad napkin. Perhaps they got their food for free after they realized they had just wiped their mouth with a loaded napkin. Or, perhaps the workers didn't want to believe them at first, but decided to take safety measures (i.e. new napkin holders) just in case they were telling the truth.