are you bitter?

Are you a bitter person?  Most would readily say that no, they are not a bitter person.  Do you harbor bitterness towards anyone?  Again, most would say that they do not.  But have you completely forgiven those that have wronged you, holding no ill feelings towards them?  This is a harder question, and it is a revealing question.  It's easy to say we have forgiven, but harder to get rid of ill feelings.  These negative emotions we associate with other people reveal that we have no truly forgiven the person.  And do you know what that is?  At the very least, it's a root of bitterness, which is a dangerous thing.

Hebrews 12:15 says, "Look after each other so that none of you fails to receive the grace of God. Watch out that no poisonous root of bitterness grows up to trouble you, corrupting many."  It doesn't warn against full blown bitterness, where someone walks around with a chip on their shoulder, mean mugging everyone as they go.  It warns against the poisonous root of it.  Just the kindling ambers that could grow into a raging inferno.  This is deep down in the heart, where it may not yet be visible to anyone else.  But it gets there.  In my own life, I have seen it get there.  And then it starts seeping out of your mouth, and others hear, and now your bitterness is no longer a personal issue.  It is corrupting anyone who has the misfortune of hearing you speak.

Who do you need to forgive fully?  I understand that someone may have seriously hurt or offended you.  I have been seriously hurt and offended, too.  But you know what?  Remaining unforgiving and holding onto bitterness doesn't hurt them.  It is just a way for you to allow them to continue hurting you, well after they have done anything.

our calm in the storm

As Sarah was laying on the bed upset, Jakob came to her and asked, "Are you okay, Mommy?  Are you sad?"  She answered honestly.  She wasn't okay, and she was very sad.  He said, "Here, take a drink of my apple juice, and you will be okay."  What a silly thought for a three-year old to have, right?  Not really.  He was sick a few months ago with a very sore throat, and he would cough himself awake.  He would cry, because the coughing hurt, and the crying hurt, so he would cry some more.  So every time he coughed himself awake and began to cry, we would say, "Here, take a sip of your apple juice.  You're okay."  He has since believed that drinking from a juice box is what brings comfort.

Did you know that he loves few things more than a juice box?  I think Sarah and me and our cat Simon might be the only things he loves more.  So for him to offer Sarah a drink of from his juice box while she was upset is a way of him saying, "I love you, Mommy, more than anything, and I want you to be happy more than I want this juice box."  He is a sweet child.  He is compassionate.  Seeing others, especially us, upset really messes with him.  Even his teacher noted that he cannot concentrate when others are upset, because he is a caring child.

The truth is that Jakob is our greatest comfort when we are sad.  Yes, we have a relationship with God, and we have a relationship with each other, but Jakob brings a joy and calm and in our storms that cannot be easily explained.  He is an unimaginable gift from God everyday, and it is especially evident on days when we are hurting.  When we are upset, he is very attentive.  He will quit whatever he is doing to hug us, often without being asked.  He will offer us anything he has to try to make us feel better.  He will rub his hands on our heads, imitating how we rub his hair when we're comforting him.  He evens assures us that it will be okay.  "You're okay.  Right, Mommy?"

I do not know Jakob's great purpose for the rest of his life, but I know how God uses him today.  He brings joy to us, to others that know him, and even to strangers that see him in public.  He is also a great entertainer.  I was at first envious of the joy he could bring Sarah when I was unable to at times.  But I get it now.  He brings calm to our hearts when storms of life rage around us.  I thank God for him every day.  I love him.

 

everybody hurts

Life brings pain.  It is a fact of life.  No matter how young or old you are, you will face it.  Some Christians are under the impression that pain is born out of sin or making God unhappy.  This was a prevailing theory in Jesus' time, as well.  In John 9, Jesus and His disciples come upon a blind man, and the disciples asked Him if it was because of his sin or his parents' sin that he was blind.  Jesus corrects them and informs them that it was for neither reason, but so that God could be glorified through him.

When you approach pain with the mindset that it is due to some grave mistake, you open yourself up for doubting God.  If pain is a result of wrongdoing, then why do bad things happen to good people?  It can lead you to doubting yourself.  What am I doing wrong?  Why can't I please God?  Am I just terrible and unforgivable?  It can be really defeating.

Pain is real, and it is a result of the fallen world in which we live.  It is true that sometimes our pain is brought on by our own mistakes, but other times, it is outside of our control.  Having a grasp on pain, why it exists, and how God can use it to make you flourish can be life changing.  So that is why we will spend the next 5 weeks in youth group discussing different types of pain, how to handle them, and how to lean on God, because I want our teenagers to flourish.  We will ask, "Does God still love me?  If so, why do I hurt?"  We will also look at how to deal with the pains of loss, rejection, suffering, and growing up.

1 Peter 1:6-7 says, "So be truly glad. There is wonderful joy ahead, even though you have to endure many trials for a little while. These trials will show that your faith is genuine. It is being tested as fire tests and purifies gold—though your faith is far more precious than mere gold. So when your faith remains strong through many trials, it will bring you much praise and glory and honor on the day when Jesus Christ is revealed to the whole world."

5 things I'm excited about (in the near future)

I'm an excitable guy.  There are two arenas in which I find the most excitement: my family and my church.  I find so much joy and fulfillment at home and at church, and I always seem to be excited about at least one thing from each.  Here five things in the near future that have me excited, in no particular order (without all the details):

1.  The mission trip to Philadelphia.  I know it's not till the end of June, but the work that leads up to it has been going on for over a month now, and that makes it feel so close.  Plus, in terms of needing to get things done, it's always closer than it seems.  This Sunday we're putting up the Wall of Investment, which provides a way for you to financially support the trip.  I hope you will!

2.  I am working on some big events for children's ministry this Summer, the first of their kind.  I cannot say what, because I would hate to disappoint if it doesn't turn out exactly like I'm planning.

3.  RED will be in concert in Grand Rapids in April.  I'll see them at Winter Jam, but I'd love to see them as a headlining band.  If you're into hard rock and are interested in going, let me know.  We're working on getting a group together to go.

4.  I'm excited about our church in general, and all the new (and old) stuff we have going on around here.  I love that there's a new men's study, a new college group, I love the youth group and children's I'm involved with, my small group, the Comstock Campus Life group that meets on Mondays at our church, and on it could go.  If you aren't plugged in somewhere, it's not for lack of opportunity.  Don't sit idly by and miss out on what we're doing.

5.  We're going to Disney World this fall.  We is representing Sarah, Jakob, and me, and it will be Jakob's first visit to the Magic Kingdom.  It doesn't mean the whole church.  You certainly can go, but probably not with us.  We drive down to Florida, and we have a small car.

There's more, but that's all for now.  Enjoy your weekend.  Hope to see you Sunday.

who we are (and who we are)

I was just having a conversation with Pastor Dave and Pastor Todd about taking personality tests and spiritual gift inventories, and how I see great difference in the two.  I feel like if you were to blindly look at my MBTI results and my spiritual gift test results, you wouldn't know they came from the same person.  One describes an introvert who enjoys small groups of people.  The other describes a pastor who enjoys preaching God's Word to whatever crowd.  The two do not line up, which means who I naturally am and who I am in Christ are different people.

Moses may have been an introvert.  When God came to him and told him to lead His people out of Egypt, he was worried.  He wasn't good at talking.  People didn't know him or take him seriously.  He was afraid to do what God had asked of him because of who he was.  But God showed up in Moses and empowered him to do all that He asked of him. I feel like, to a lesser extent, God has shown up in me to help me accomplish what He's asked of me.  I say lesser extent not because I doubt God's work in my life, but rather because I'm not performing any miracles with water, blood, wood, snakes, parting seas, or whatever.  But I am standing up and stating God's truths, regardless of the unease I feel each time.

I don't want who I know I am and who others say I am stop me from doing what God's asked.  I want to be who God has called me to be, gifted me to be, and expects me to be.  Don't let anyone get in your way of doing what God wants from you.  That includes not letting yourself get in your way.  Who are you?  Who are you in Christ?  Who we are and who we are in Christ may be different.

we entered His courts

This past weekend, our church youth group combined with the youth groups of Connections Community Church and Oakwood Bible Church to put on our winter retreat.  It was an incredibly fun time, and we're planning to do it again next year.  Friday night took a fun break for a moment to be a little serious.  We extended the evening session a bit to address two things: a clear opportunity to follow Christ for the first time and an extended time to worship.  This was going to be big, and there were certainly roadblocks to get around.  I was teaching, and I was already worrying about Jakob (whose doctor thought had a staph infection) and then I was worrying about Zac (who had been concussed on the ice).  We dealt with emotional issues that day, as well, as things weighed heavy on some of the students.  Steve was also dealing with issues that day with his group, and Mike was continuing to come down sick.  The gauntlet was thrown at us, and it felt like it was a direct attack at what we were planning for that night.

The session finally rolled around, and it felt to me like it took forever getting there, and so we started.  The games went well, worship went well, and from what I'm told, my message went well.  Then came the opportunity and challenge to place one's faith in Christ.  I was nervous.  It had been a nerve-filled day, but that wasn't stopping what we were doing.  I asked those who had never placed their faith in Christ before to do so, and then I asked for those that did to raise their hands.  And several did, including some from our group.  What a feeling!

While I was finishing, Mike came up to play his guitar softly behind me.  When I ended, he immediately began leading the kids in worshiping God in song.  I walked away, went back to pray and thank God, and eventually joined up with the group again.  As I stood there worshiping, standing next to a girl I knew had just raised her hand saying she had placed her faith in Christ, something magnificent occurred to me: there were several people in that room who were entering God's courts with praise for the very first time.  And man, that felt special.  It's an unmatched feeling.

Psalm 100:4

"Enter his gates with thanksgiving; go into his courts with praise. Give thanks to him and praise his name."

it's better to get it right

I really do love Sarah, but what good is my loving her to her if I do not show her in a way that makes her feel loved?  You see, I like to think of myself as a world class husband.  It's more comfortable than thinking I'm an idiot.  I'll leave those thoughts and feelings to others that no doubt exist.  But I have been told that I am a good husband by more than just Sarah.  The thing is, though, it doesn't really matter if you or anyone else thinks I'm doing a good job as a husband.  It is only Sarah's perception that matters.  I would say that there have been times when others thought I was a good husband, but Sarah was hoping for something better out of me.  You know why?  Because she lives with me and experiences my best and worst.

So recently, feeling like I was slipping and not making Sarah as happy as I should be, I asked Sarah if I could be better.  She was hesitant at first, but she eventually told me the things I normally do that bother her.  I have been trying to be better in these areas over the last few months, and I periodically ask her how I'm doing with them.  It's a really uncomfortable question for me to ask, and I'm sure it is uncomfortable for her to answer when the answer won't be great, but to me, it's worth having the conversation.  I'd rather hear what's wrong with me from her, and try to get it right.  It makes things easier for me knowing that my wife truly loves me and isn't mean or spiteful.  I know she'll be honest, but she won't be intentionally hurtful about anything.

Marriage can be difficult.  It's designed to be a lifelong enterprise, but it takes upkeep, maintenance, and effort.  Often, when marriage feels difficult, we easily make lists in our heads of things our spouses could be doing better to make our marriage better.  It may be better to ask your spouse how you can make your marriage better.  Better to be told what you can do, so you can get it right, than to assume the problem is all theirs while you are completely right.