who we are (and who we are)

I was just having a conversation with Pastor Dave and Pastor Todd about taking personality tests and spiritual gift inventories, and how I see great difference in the two.  I feel like if you were to blindly look at my MBTI results and my spiritual gift test results, you wouldn't know they came from the same person.  One describes an introvert who enjoys small groups of people.  The other describes a pastor who enjoys preaching God's Word to whatever crowd.  The two do not line up, which means who I naturally am and who I am in Christ are different people.

Moses may have been an introvert.  When God came to him and told him to lead His people out of Egypt, he was worried.  He wasn't good at talking.  People didn't know him or take him seriously.  He was afraid to do what God had asked of him because of who he was.  But God showed up in Moses and empowered him to do all that He asked of him. I feel like, to a lesser extent, God has shown up in me to help me accomplish what He's asked of me.  I say lesser extent not because I doubt God's work in my life, but rather because I'm not performing any miracles with water, blood, wood, snakes, parting seas, or whatever.  But I am standing up and stating God's truths, regardless of the unease I feel each time.

I don't want who I know I am and who others say I am stop me from doing what God's asked.  I want to be who God has called me to be, gifted me to be, and expects me to be.  Don't let anyone get in your way of doing what God wants from you.  That includes not letting yourself get in your way.  Who are you?  Who are you in Christ?  Who we are and who we are in Christ may be different.

we entered His courts

This past weekend, our church youth group combined with the youth groups of Connections Community Church and Oakwood Bible Church to put on our winter retreat.  It was an incredibly fun time, and we're planning to do it again next year.  Friday night took a fun break for a moment to be a little serious.  We extended the evening session a bit to address two things: a clear opportunity to follow Christ for the first time and an extended time to worship.  This was going to be big, and there were certainly roadblocks to get around.  I was teaching, and I was already worrying about Jakob (whose doctor thought had a staph infection) and then I was worrying about Zac (who had been concussed on the ice).  We dealt with emotional issues that day, as well, as things weighed heavy on some of the students.  Steve was also dealing with issues that day with his group, and Mike was continuing to come down sick.  The gauntlet was thrown at us, and it felt like it was a direct attack at what we were planning for that night.

The session finally rolled around, and it felt to me like it took forever getting there, and so we started.  The games went well, worship went well, and from what I'm told, my message went well.  Then came the opportunity and challenge to place one's faith in Christ.  I was nervous.  It had been a nerve-filled day, but that wasn't stopping what we were doing.  I asked those who had never placed their faith in Christ before to do so, and then I asked for those that did to raise their hands.  And several did, including some from our group.  What a feeling!

While I was finishing, Mike came up to play his guitar softly behind me.  When I ended, he immediately began leading the kids in worshiping God in song.  I walked away, went back to pray and thank God, and eventually joined up with the group again.  As I stood there worshiping, standing next to a girl I knew had just raised her hand saying she had placed her faith in Christ, something magnificent occurred to me: there were several people in that room who were entering God's courts with praise for the very first time.  And man, that felt special.  It's an unmatched feeling.

Psalm 100:4

"Enter his gates with thanksgiving; go into his courts with praise. Give thanks to him and praise his name."

it's better to get it right

I really do love Sarah, but what good is my loving her to her if I do not show her in a way that makes her feel loved?  You see, I like to think of myself as a world class husband.  It's more comfortable than thinking I'm an idiot.  I'll leave those thoughts and feelings to others that no doubt exist.  But I have been told that I am a good husband by more than just Sarah.  The thing is, though, it doesn't really matter if you or anyone else thinks I'm doing a good job as a husband.  It is only Sarah's perception that matters.  I would say that there have been times when others thought I was a good husband, but Sarah was hoping for something better out of me.  You know why?  Because she lives with me and experiences my best and worst.

So recently, feeling like I was slipping and not making Sarah as happy as I should be, I asked Sarah if I could be better.  She was hesitant at first, but she eventually told me the things I normally do that bother her.  I have been trying to be better in these areas over the last few months, and I periodically ask her how I'm doing with them.  It's a really uncomfortable question for me to ask, and I'm sure it is uncomfortable for her to answer when the answer won't be great, but to me, it's worth having the conversation.  I'd rather hear what's wrong with me from her, and try to get it right.  It makes things easier for me knowing that my wife truly loves me and isn't mean or spiteful.  I know she'll be honest, but she won't be intentionally hurtful about anything.

Marriage can be difficult.  It's designed to be a lifelong enterprise, but it takes upkeep, maintenance, and effort.  Often, when marriage feels difficult, we easily make lists in our heads of things our spouses could be doing better to make our marriage better.  It may be better to ask your spouse how you can make your marriage better.  Better to be told what you can do, so you can get it right, than to assume the problem is all theirs while you are completely right.

singing to Jesus, scaring his mom

Jakob has some praise music that he enjoys.  It's a toddler/preschool aimed album by Yancy called, "Little Praise Party."  He likes to sing along with it to the best of his ability, and of course, he jumps and dances around the entire time.  He even likes to sing his favorite song, "My Best Friend," when he's out and about.  In fact, a couple of weeks ago, he was singing it in the car, and he really, really scared Sarah.

He began singing, "Jesus is my best friend, my best friend, my best friend...," and Sarah freaked out a little bit.  The singing was right behind her head, which meant to her that he had gotten out of his car seat and was standing there singing.  However, a couple weeks before, I bought the best Christmas present for an obnoxious boy that doesn't live in the same home as you: a vuvuzela.  It was in the backseat of the car, as was Jakob.  He reached for it and got ahold of it, and he held it up to his mouth.  He began singing through it, projecting the sound to a spot right behind Sarah's ear.  He wasn't out of his seat.  He's just hilarious.

God's four year olds

We have yet to enter the most dreaded phase of parenting: the why phase.  Jakob doesn't seem to care why we do things yet.  He just does them, with or without gentle nudging, depending on the day and mood.  But I know a day is coming that I won't even be able to go to the bathroom without explaining why to him.  It's inevitable.  Kids want to know why everything.  I have dealt with it on a children's pastor level, but not as a parent yet.  I believe that from my occasional response, I will break the vow I made when I was younger to never say, "Cause I'm your dad, and I said so," since I've said pretty much the same thing to kids at church at times.  Just exchange dad for in charge, and you're there.

Though adults can find it annoying to be constantly asked why by a child, I feel like adults do it, too.  Only we do it to God.  We become his four year olds.  I know that I do, anyway.  I often wonder why God allows this or that to happen or why He wants me to do something or whatever.  Sometimes it's just something simple that He asks me to do, and other times it's major moves and shifts in life.

Why do I have to move?  (I'm not moving, that's just an example)
Why did you let that person in my life?
Why can't I make more money?
Why can't I just eat Dorito's and drink Cherry Coke and lose weight at the same time?
Why do you let people get sick?
Why do people have to die?
Why?
Why?
Why?

There are times in our lives when we will be at a loss.  We do not always understand what God's doing or what He's allowing to happen, and all we're left with is grief, sorrow, annoyances, and wondering why.  But then that's when faith is revealed, because it's the dark times in life that require faith to be strong.  Believing that God's ways are best when everything is going great for you doesn't take as much faith as believing His ways are best when things are messy and painful.  Strong faith believes that God's way is best, even when we do not understand it.  When we are left wondering why, and there seems to be no answers, we have to remember the words of Isaiah 55:8-9:

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways."

We may never understand why, because we cannot fully comprehend the way God works.  We just have to rest in the promise of Romans 8:28: "And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose."

I have trouble with lyrics

I have had trouble understanding what singers are saying for my entire life.  It's not that I don't get most of what they are saying.  There are just lines that I struggle to understand.  It's not too bad, because I'm usually in the car by myself when I sing, or sometimes I sing without thinking about it with Sarah in the car.  I refuse to sing in front of anyone else.  But the problem arises when Sarah is in the car with me, because she doesn't struggle to hear the lyrics, and she also doesn't struggle to laugh at me when I'm screwing up songs.

One group that has always given me trouble has been the OC Supertones.  I have always loved their music, and I inevitably end up singing along with it, but there always seems to be at least one song per album that trips me up.  Their new album just came out yesterday.  As usual, there was one song that I couldn't understand.  I knew what I heard, but at least this time, I knew I was wrong.   I even sought counsel from my wise wife, but she couldn't decipher it, either.

Here's the song.  You can jump to 1:12 in the song and listen for ten seconds and see what you heard.  I'll tell you what I heard after the video, though, because I don't want to sully your ability to hear for yourself.  Ready?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rEbqgvuCUQA&t=1m12s

What did you hear?  Here's what I heard, versus what was actually said:

What I heard: We’re boppin’ like a blitzkrieg, pilin’ in the backseat. Party till my butt cheek generates steam heat. No rows no seats, everybody on your feet, and smash it up! Smash it up! Meet me at the downbeat!

What was really said: We’re boppin’ like a blitzkrieg, pilin’ in the backseat. Party till were fa-tigued.  Generating steam heat. No rows no seats, everybody on your feet, and smash it up! Smash it up! Meet me at the downbeat!

Samsonite!  I was way off.

 

passing on our habits

It should come as no big surprise to you that I love Star Wars.  If this is news to you, you have probably never been in my office, read my tweets. or been around me when my phone has started to ring.  Oh, and you've never seen my wallet.  You know who also loves Star Wars?  Jakob.  It is one of his most favorite things.  Whenever we go to Target or Meijer, the first thing he asks is if we can go look at Star Wars toys. If I am working on my computer, he comes and asks me to play the Star Wars song for him, because I'm so cool that I have the sound track.  When we go out to Oriental restaurants, he likes to pretend that chop sticks are lightsabers.  And, he loves to vocalize the Star Wars theme song all the time.  He has inherited my love for Star Wars, and I really didn't push him into it.  He just observed me enjoying it, wanted to watch it with me, and it just happened.

He has inherited other things from me and Sarah, as well.  He behaves like we do, and it's fun to see.  It could also be scary, depending on the situation.  He makes me more aware of myself and shortcomings, because I'm afraid he'll repeat something he shouldn't say - especially at church! - or he'll develop issues similar to mine.  The other day, he and I were alone in the car, and someone turned out in front of me and never made it up to speed.  I had to pass, because they stayed solidly at 35 in a 45 MPH zone.  I was annoyed and shouted, "Come on!  If you're not going to drive, don't turn in front of me!"  I was upset.  From the backseat, I heard Jakob ask me, "You okay, Daddy?"  He asked so sweetly, too.  He was worried that I was upset, and he wanted to make sure I was alright.  I immediately felt guilty, because his concern revealed that he had heard me and witnessed an angry, unacceptable behavior from me.

Proverbs 22:6 says, "Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it."  I have been a trainer, and I have been trained.  Training isn't just telling or teaching from a manual.  It also involves demonstrating behavior, so the trainee can emulate it.  Often times, it also involves showing not just what, but also how and why.  This is how we train our kids.  We demonstrate our love and devotion to God, so they can emulate it.  We teach them what it means to love God, and we show them how to do it, and we tell them why it's important.

What will your kids learn to love from you?  How will they learn to behave?