why I'm not Baptist

I've thought about posting this for a while.  I guess I've thought about posting this from the time I started my blog, since by then, I had already turned in my membership card, forfeited my decoder ring, and started speaking in tongues.  Okay, maybe not the last one, but I definitely don't have my decoder ring anymore.  I have been asked by some over the last two years why.  Some are interested in hearing my story, others are asking in a "What happened to you?," sort of way, because to some, you're either Baptist or you're wrong (used to be part of that exact some).  Either way, I gladly answer.  It doesn't matter too much to me.  All of my favorite Baptists still love me, and that's good enough for me.  If you are Baptist, and you don't still love me as you read this, then you can turn in your membership card to the "Jeff's favorite Baptists" club.

Before I tell you why I'm not a Baptist anymore, I'll give you my background.  I was raised in a Baptist home.  From the time my parents came to Christ, they have been a part of that denomination.  I was part of that denomination from birth, or for those who think I'm hinting at covenant theology, you can say I was a part of it since I was baptized at the age of 10.  I went to the same Baptist church from the time I was 8 until I was 22 (retaining membership, as many Bible college students do, through my college years).  I moved to Jacksonville, FL, where I attended two separate Baptist colleges/seminaries, where I received my Bachelor's degree.   My first pastoral job was in an overtly Baptist church (I just went there for the first time since leaving this week), and my second was in a secretly Baptist church.  As Paul was a Pharisee of Pharisees, I was a Baptist of Baptists.  My Baptist street cred had no reason to be called into question.

So what happened?  How could I just abandon the only thing I had ever known?  Well, one day - I'm not sure the exact date, because I didn't throw a gold star on the calendar - I realized something: this isn't me.  I'd tried for 26 years to worship God in a way that He did not create me, and it wasn't working.  I struggled with it for a long time before it finally occurred to me.  I looked like a good Baptist on the outside, but on the inside, there was turmoil.  I didn't know there was something different and good out there, so for years, I embraced the good and downplayed the things I didn't care for.  I even struggled as a teenager, worrying about the differences between a typical Baptist youth pastor (as I saw it) and who I was.  There was a great divide.  The two weren't lining up, and by the time I was 26, I realized they never would.

The reason I am not Baptist has little to nothing to do with discontentment.  I was as content as I knew how to be with being a Baptist, because it was all I knew.  My being discontent with the way things were operated at my first church do not reflect my feelings about the entire denomination.

I am not Baptist, because that is not how God created me to worship Him.  I believe it is how God created some to worship Him, and it's a fine denomination for some, but not me.  I ultimately believe mostly the same way on the major doctrines, but I seem to disagree on a lot of the small stuff (and some pastors make a really big deal about the small stuff).  To me, the small stuff is big stuff, because I wasn't comfortable working for a church where I could not fully embrace all of the teaching.  I felt like I was a hypocrite for taking a check while disagreeing with what was taught and how things were done.  I know guys that do that, and I don't want to be that guy.  I have a derogatory term for those guys, but I'm not going to tell you what it is, in case you are one.

I just want to be in a place where I can worship God fully, in a way that fits who I am, while glorifying Him.  That place is KCC.  We're non-denominational, or as I was trained to say as a young, up-and-coming Baptist, undecided.  We've decided, though.  As my boss put it in my very first interview: we major on the majors, and we minor on the minors.

That's not as sensational as you were hoping for.  Is it?

good thing it doesn't work that way

I do not believe in a works-based salvation.  Neither did Paul.  Ephesians 2:8-9 says, "For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, ⁹ not a result of works, so that no one may boast." (ESV)  I think that's pretty clear, and I think it's probably a pretty good thing.

If salvation was works based, how many of us would end up in Hell?  That question is probably hard to answer.  The reality is that if we believed that we had to work for our salvation, we'd probably do more than we do.  We wouldn't be so lazy about our faith.  Why, then, are we so lazy now?  God has made it easy on us, because He loves us, and we return the favor by taking advantage of His love.  I find it strange the way we react to our God's love, especially given the way other religions actively engage in their religion.

Many young Mormons dedicate two years of their lives to the mission field before pursuing whatever career path they feel led to do.  Shawn Bradley even resisted going into the NBA for two years to fulfill this.  You would not be considered a dedicated Mormon if you weren't willing to do this.

Muslims observe Ramadan.  They kind of fast for an entire month, eating "breakfast" when they get up in the morning, and then not eating from sunrise to sunset.  I've heard pastors mock the practice, as though this would not be difficult, but the belt of the pastors I've heard saying this were not visible due to their suffering from Dunlap's disease.  I'll fully admit that not eating while the Sun is up for a full month would cause the most horrible month of my life.  On top of the fasting rituals, they are encouraged to read the entire Qur'an during that month.  It's not a short book.  Not observing Ramadan would disqualify you from being a serious Muslim.

Orthodox Jews live everyday inside a prison of rules and regulations.  One rule they observe is no driving a car on the Sabbath, but they must attend a Shabbos service.  When we lived in Florida, we would see families walking down the road, a mile from the Temple, wearing all black, heading to a Shabbos service.  That act alone shows more dedication than most people I know (me included).  Then there are the dietary laws, which include no bacon, no ham, no pork chops, no pulled pork, etc.  Seriously?  Yikes.  You have your orthodox Jews, and then you have your not so serious Jews.  Some call them Reformed Jews.  No one calls them dedicated.

So what does it take to be considered a serious, dedicated Christian?  Well, as best as I can tell, you have to go to church on Sunday, which equates to an hour of your week (or 4 hours, if you add in getting ready, traveling, and eating lunch afterward (a required part of church going)).  Some heighten the requirement by adding Sunday school, Sunday night, and Wednesday night to the requirements.  Some add reading the Bible and praying.  But what about doing?  Reading your Bible, praying, and going to church fill you up.  Those activities prepare you to serve God.  Does one become a good Christian by hoarding the grace of God in their own cup and never pouring out God's goodness to others?  Is that the standard?

James 214-26 says, "¹⁴What good is it, my brothers, if someone says he has faith but does not have works? Can that faith save him? ¹⁵ If a brother or sister is poorly clothed and lacking in daily food, ¹⁶ and one of you says to them, "Go in peace, be warmed and filled," without giving them the things needed for the body, what good is that? ¹⁷So also faith by itself, if it does not have works, is dead.

¹⁸But someone will say, "You have faith and I have works." Show me your faith apart from your works, and I will show you my faith by my works. ¹⁹ You believe that God is one; you do well. Even the demons believe—and shudder! ²⁰Do you want to be shown, you foolish person, that faith apart from works is useless? ²¹ Was not Abraham our father justified by works when he offered up his son Isaac on the altar? ²²You see that faith was active along with his works, and faith was completed by his works; ²³and the Scripture was fulfilled that says,"Abraham believed God, and it was counted to him as righteousness"—and he was called a friend of God. ²⁴You see that a person is justified by works and not by faith alone. ²⁵And in the same way was not also Rahab the prostitute justified by works when she received the messengers and sent them out by another way? ²⁶For as the body apart from the spirit is dead, so also faith apart from works is dead.

I really do believe that most of us would be in a lot of trouble if doing good works for God is what got us into Heaven.  Good thing it doesn't work that way.

God help us.

she still cares

I broke my hand last Sunday.  How?  I was jumping and dancing to We Stand during children's ministry, getting an older kid who's too old for CM involved in worship, when I came down and hit my hand on a foosball table.  I knew right away that something had happened.  My hand went numb, as did my wrist, and the bottom part of my arm  right up to the bottom of the tattoo on my left forearm.  I played it cool, of course, and kept jumping with the student, trying not to grimace from the pain.  I didn't do anything with my hand until that afternoon, when I started applying mass quantities of Icy Hot to it.  That did nothing.  It was very swollen when I went to sleep, but I thought it would probably feel better by morning.

After I got up, I found that my hand was worse off.  The injured spot was swollen to twice its normal size.  I tried being cool with it still, but after changing Jakob, I realized I was not as cool as I was pretending to be.  I debated going to the doctor, but I already knew it was broken, where it was broken, and what they would do for it.  So, I had to wake Sarah up.  I had her tape and wrap my hand up really well.  When she finished, I went to pull my hand away, but she stopped it gently, pulled it toward her face, and kissed me softly on the back of the hand.  She told me she was sad, because she was praying it would be better by morning.  For the last week, she has put up with my being a wimp, never complaining about my inability to do some things around our place one handed, including changing Jakob, and she has wrapped my hand up for me at least twice a day.

We've been married for nine years today, and she still cares enough about me to kiss my hand, to be sad about my pain, and to take care of me when I am in or out of need.  I love her.

I love you, Sarah.  Happy anniversary.  Thank you for being my wife.

Also, happy birthday, Grandpa, and happy spiritual birthday to me.

taking things personally

Have you ever read a facebook status or a blog post and thought, "Wait, are they talking about me?"  I haven't much, but every so often, I combine my knowledge of someone's disdain for me with their status and wonder.  That, of course, begs the question: if I know they have disdain for me, why are they on my friend list on facebook?  Well, not only did Christ die for some people that annoy the living smell (sp) out of me, but He seems to think it's a good idea to put those people near me, sometimes in very close proximity.  Sometimes I get to be friends with those people.  Sometimes I have emotional, moody, passive aggressive friends, and if they will make a status about someone else we know, then they could surely take an indirect swipe on me.

But why would I ever think that someone is talking about me?  Usually, it's because I can see truth in what they say about me, whether they are directing it towards me or not.  Sometimes a person's comment could be in regards to someone else, but the Holy Spirit pressed on my heart.  He says very nice things, like, "Whoa!  Whoever they are talking about sounds like a real jerk.  Sounds like you a bit, too."  It's not a good feeling.

I have sat through sermons, read blog posts, read entire chapters of some books, and scanned through many facebook statuses that make me think I'm being talked to directly.  Sometimes I am, but more often than not, I am not, but still my heart is pricked.  I take it personally.  And when someone says something, and the Holy Spirit pricks my heart, and I begin to take it personally, I have one of two options: being angrily offended or being mournfully convicted.  Most people take the, "how dare he..." offended approach.  I certainly have, but I try to get myself into the convicted stage quickly.

Here's a tip for you, from someone who has praught (Sarah's made up word for the teach-to-taught equivalent for the word preach), someone who has written blog posts, and someone who has eaten a lot of ice cream in his life: we're not talking about you intentionally.  If we do well, we preach what God tells us to preach, write what God inspires us to write, and eat the biggest bowl we can find.  If you take it personally, it's probably the Holy Spirit telling you to.  You might want to consider getting over yourself and getting convicted.

don't fear writing

Most of my blogging friends make me laugh.  The same ones that make me laugh also make me think a lot.  They make me share in their frustration with their words.  They seem very free with their words.  I haven't noticed many of them shying away from being candid for fear of negative comments.  I have, though.  I have held back on writing my heart, not because what I want to say is questionable or untrue, but because I am weary of being nitpicked.  It has kept me from writing when I have wanted to write.  I have unfinished drafts that I just saved and walked away from, because I worry they will be controversial.  I have thoughts that I want to express that are stuck in my head or in an e-mail to myself as a reminder for later, because I worry someone will take it too personally.  All left undone, because I made the mistake of fearing negative comments.  The reality is that I don't get a lot of comments, positive or negative, but nearly 100% of the ones I have received are positive and affirming.  So my fear is misguided.

Hopefully this means I will be writing more.  I hope that as God puts thoughts in my head, I will express them on my blog without worry.  Finally, I hope spiteful people would go away, but knowing that they won't, I hope I listen to the majority, not the angry minority.

patty cake

Jakob loves playing Patty Cake.  As you will see, it makes him laugh.  If you try to stop playing, he will take your hands and clap them together.  He's so cute.  I'm posting this today, because it's my mom's birthday, and she loves playing patty cake with Jakob.  She was the one that first noticed that he'll grab your hands if you try to quit.

Happy birthday, Mom!  I love you!

who do I listen to?

The first time I preached at New Hope, one of my friends - who I actually met for the first time that day - came up and told me that I should be New Hope's new lead pastor.  She even filled out a card and put it in the offering box saying so.  I thought that was pretty cool, so I told Charles, the recently announced resigning lead pastor of NH.  He probably said the smartest thing he's ever said (not counting the times he's complimented me, because you know, that's just plain smart, too).  He said, "That's cool, but she sounds like a fan.  You should never listen to your fans or your critics, because they will always view what you do based on how they view you."  I was a little let down, because I was hoping he'd say, "Yeah, she's right," but just saying what I wanted to hear has never been a part of our friendship.  I never wanted to be the lead pastor there, either.  I was just proud of the compliment I had received.  He was right, though, and I've tried to be mindful of that ever since.

**You're probably dismayed at the thought of a pastor having fans.  The truth is that everyone has fans and critics (definition 2, obviously).  It doesn't speak to the value of the object of one's affection or hatred.  It's more a reflection on the person doing the loving or hating.**

I'm always quicker to recognize, or at least acknowledge, when someone is just a constant critic than when someone is a "fan."  I think most people are, because we want to believe that the people who compliment us know what they're talking about, and it's quite satisfying to realize that the person that's always insulting you isn't worth listening to.  But it's important, especially for me, to realize both right away and put their comments in proper perspective.  Here's why:

• Fans will love everything you do without question.  Critics will hate everything you do before you even do it.  Neither properly weigh the pros and cons of anything you do.


• Listening to fans can lead to arrogance or complacency.  Listening to critics can lead to deflation.  Both lead to below average performance.


• Fans can just be really good, nice people who don't like to see the negative in anyone.  Critics are usually just bitter, unhappy people, and they take those emotions out on others.  Neither will be very constructive, and if you want to be always improving, you need constructive comments.


• If one believes everything a fan tells him, he will likely be so happy with his performance that he won't take time to critique it.  On the other hand, critics will just make him angry, and his focus can be too much on disliking the critic.  Both could cause him to miss out on valuable opportunities to improve himself.

I could go on, but you get the point, and you'd probably stop reading if I beat a dead horse.  By the way, where did that saying come from?  Who in history beat a dead horse, giving us this odd idiom?

If I try to please fans, I will succeed every time.  If I try to please critics, I will fail every time.  So who do I listen to?  Well, I believe that true success is found in moving the people in the middle.  They aren't totally vested in one side or the other.  They won't see victory in a loss, and they won't insist on a loss when there was a victory.  Those are the people who can help me succeed, because their opinions are more likely to be weighed before delivered.  Those are the people who can graciously offer me constructive criticism, as opposed to loaded insults.  They are also the people who can give a well reasoned compliment, as opposed to stroking my ego.  They are who I want to listen to.

Okay, I kind of like listening to fans, too, but I try to shy away from it.